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Whatever your stance on goddesses is, as a woman, you can’t deny the power of that statement.
“The cervix is the seat of the goddess.”
I’ve been practicing what is known as The Tantric Dance of Feminine Power with my teacher, Nita Rubio, for 5 years and I’ve had more than a handful of powerful moments in the sacred, female-centered space she facilitates (one of the few spaces in which the “male gaze” is not present). Revisiting my battle with my body after giving birth has been rough to say the least. Instead of basking in my body’s ability to create, sustain and give life, I’ve resorted to full blown body bashing and self-loathing. To hear Nita state, “the cervix is the seat of the goddess,” as I moved into a full body meditation immediately shifted my perspective on my body and my relationship to my body (at least for a few moments) and gave me something to ponder long after class was over that Tuesday night.
In that moment and for several following, my anger, disappointment and frustration was mixed with a sense of gratitude, reverence and respect. Too often we view our bodies as an object to manipulate and control. When our body doesn’t live up to some of our wildly unrealistic expectations, we engage in negative self-talk and equally destructive body practices. The internal critical dialouge and punishing rituals we engage in to force our body to do as it is told is nothing short of an abusive relationship with ourselves.
How would we and how can we treat our bodies differently by shifting our perspective on, our image of, and our relationship to our bodies, bodies that carry us through the world, allowing us to experience life in all its good and bad?
Whether or not you abide with goddess worship, or have a clear understanding of feminist spirituality and the place of the goddess in that tradition, the idea that the cervix is the seat of the goddess, establishes (or re-establishes) a sense of wonder about our physical forms. Instead of seeing our bodies as taken-for-granted physical vehicles, our bodies become a source of magic and beauty.
When I look at my son’s body, see it work, watch it develop, I am in awe. It is pure perfection, beauty, a miracle. I don’t remember the last time I felt that way about on my body. Is my body any less miraculous because of my scar and the extra pounds I’m currently carrying? According to images and messages in the dominant culture the answer is an unequivocal, yes.
Listen, I haven’t reached total body enlightenment. I’m still grappling with the negative fat talk in my head. But, Nita and my son reminded me of the beauty that is me and when I believe it again whole-heatedly, I will truly be whole, truly at peace.
So often we women are quick to judge other women and I don’t think it comes as a surprise to anyone given the suspicion and competition that is encouraged between girls and women in the media and the culture at large.
Skinny bitch. Slut. Ho.
Those are just some of the names we hurl at other women that we don’t think we have anything in common with. We judge other women on their hair, clothing, color, size and relationship status. We assume that we won’t like one another and don’t bother to take a chance. Now, I am not saying we’ll have commonalities and connections with every women we may come across but we certainly have the potential for connection and solidarity with a more diverse group of women than we imagine.
I wrote about this in September 2008 after I returned from one of the many women-centered retreats I have helped organize and attended with my teacher, Nita Rubio, and the women I have circled with over the years. But, since that last retreat, I entered my second trimester, had a beautiful baby boy and lost my sense of self and sisterhood in the process.
It’s easy to do when you’re recovering from a c-section and adjusting to the needs of new baby. Somewhere in the process my individual identity got mixed up with the dirty diapers and pumping.
This past weekend was my first weekend away from my boy since he was born last February. It was my first weekend immersed with a group of women that gathered with intention in a sacred female space in over a year.
I forgot how much I needed this despite my clear sense of longing and isolation as I nurtured my newborn babe.
Even so, I found myself with the same tendency to judge. We were 13 women among the Joshua Trees of the desert, away from partners, children, and careers. I have known many of the women for years in circle, many I had never met. Despite teaching Women’s Studies and lecturing on the division that is encouraged among women and despite the enriching experiences I have had with my community of women, I still find myself quick to stereotype and judge.
As always, I was confronted with my judgements and the walls I erected hastily were smashed and I was able to meet a plethora of amazing women of various walks of life. I am grateful for the ability to move past these superficial boundaries more quickly than I was able to as a young woman but the fact that these judgements still arise is noteworthy and troubling.
By the end of our 4 days communing together in the desert over delicious food, in the hot tub, in the sacred dance, late night wine, laughter and deep conversation I felt deep gratitude for the lessons I was offered and the reminder that we women have a lot to offer one another if we can move beyond our culturally embedded assumptions and suspicions.
Sisterhood is still powerful.
To read Nita Rubio’s post on this past weekend, click here.
Picture taken by Nita Rubio. Joshua Tree Highlands, 2010.
Nita Rubio was born and raised in Southern California in a liberal household. Nonetheless, women’s rights, women’s studies, and female empowerment were not things inherently included in this liberalism. Luckily, spirituality and creativity were highly regarded and served as the pathway for self-discovery and deep personal inquiry. At the age of 18, Nita began to read authors such as Carol Christ, Luisah Tesh, Riane Eisler and more. This impacted her deeply and it was incredibly exciting to know of these women who viewed the personal as political and that even the paradigm of patriarchy needed to be extracted from our spiritual beliefs. Following this new way of perceiving her walk in the world, Nita was formally ordained as a Priestess through Woman Mysteries of the Ancient-Future Sisterhood. Although this mystery school teaches many
spiritual arts, its rare inclusion is that of the need for its Priestess’s to fully explore the extent of misogyny held deeply in the feminine body. Nita has been teaching the core work of the lineage, The Tantric Dance of Feminine Power for the last 13 years. At this time, Nita is passionate about learning and teaching the matriarchal and tribal roots of Tantra and helping women to explore the depths of power viscerally held in their bodies.
My “click” moment: At the age of 17 or 18 I was in a deeply rebellious mode and was down in Mexico with friends and boyfriend. Lots of partying, fun and frolicking. A girlfriend and I had walked to the car to get more beers and were approached by two other guys asking for some beer (but, of course, really looking to pick us up.) Our response of “no” was repeatedly ignored again and again. It got tiresome and irritating as the intensity of the requests increased. Finally I blurted out “We have boyfriends” and those seemed to be the magic words for those guys to leave us in peace. We returned to the party but I couldn’t engage. I felt uneasy and disturbed by the interaction. About 15 minutes later the answer to my uneasiness came in like a lightning bolt. We had to belong to other men to be left alone. Our simple “no” had not been good enough. I felt sick. And awake all of a sudden. Just after that I read The Women’s Room by Marilyn French which profoundly affected me.
Personal role model: All women who have taken the risk of personal loss to no longer compromise the calling of their Spirit.
My issues/concerns: That women don’t know what they don’t know. I am concerned that women’s studies (at least when I went to school) are an elective. I am concerned about the height and frenzy of the media and celebrity that contributes to the disassociation of our bodies and our own internal desires. I am concerned that women are still slaves all over the world and that this seems to be acceptable.
