Originally posted at Elephant Journal.

The Tantric Dance of Feminine Power with Nita Rubio.

Watching Nita dance is watching poetry in motion.

Witnessing Nita is witnessing the Goddess.

Nita has long been a secret treasure for women in Los Angeles and Orange County,whose reach and influence is growing. Flowing with grace, wisdom and strength, Nita empowers women by “aligning them with their internal compass.” In a female-only space, women have the opportunity to turn inward, identify beauty devoid of the male gaze and dance spirit into being.

For over a decade, Nita has been passing on the ancient wisdom of the divine feminine, a sacred element contained in every woman waiting to be accessed. Through this work, Nita guides women as they access that wisdom. In doing so, women come in contact with the knowing of the body and are able to enliven, heal, create community and recognize the Goddess as they stand before the mirror and behold themselves.  Tapping into these gifts is made possible by the energetic container that Nita facilitates, a container marked by female solidarity and support. 

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Ok. Yes. I’ll admit it. Tina Fey cracked me up with the whole “ran out of room on the labia” thing! But, my reaction is pretty well versed in this quote/comment from Dustin Time beneath the Huffington Post article (one of the only comments with a pro-woman stance that didn’t think bashing McGee was the appropriate avenue to traverse) :

Yeah, but on the other hand… it’s sort of perverse for women sympathetic to Bullock to direct their venom at this relatively powerless, easy-target female instead of James himself–the one who made the vows to Bullock, the one who clearly didn’t need a temptress to stray sordidly…

So much for sisterhood.

I agree, DustinTime. Fey also did a sketch that that poked fun at one of Tiger Woods’ mistresses, as well. I think that all of the laughs tie right back into Melanie’s post about female relationships. I doubt that Bullock and McGee will ever be friends, or even friendly (despite today’s apology), but to blindly laugh at Tina’s jokes and  not recognize that we’re perpetuating the cycle of false, harmful, damaging female relationships and stereotypes is basically accepting that their existence is inevitable.

Sady at Feministe.com said:

I will go a step further, and point out that a lot of the “fun” is… well, just straight-up misogynist stereotyping.

I’m with DustinTime & Sady here; let’s stop blaming McGee for “ruining” Sandra’s life and start pointing the fingers where they belong…..

Life and Style and Us Magazine tapped into the stereotypical catty, bitchy, mean girl archetype on this week’s covers (don’t get me started on Kourtney Kardashian’s post-baby bikini body given my recent post and Kourtney’s outrage at being photoshopped).

Vienna slams Ali! DWTS (Dancing with the Stars) drama! Pam hates Kate. DWTS feuding already!

It’s a standard assumption and expectation that all girls and women are never really friends with another girl or woman, at best we’re “frenemies.” Afterall, all girls and women are jealous, vindictive, competitive bitches. Don’t believe me? See my recent post, She’s Probably a Bitch.

So often we women are quick to judge other women and I don’t think it comes as a surprise to anyone given the suspicion and competition that is encouraged between girls and women in the media and the culture at large.

Skinny bitch. Slut. Ho.

Those are just some of the names we hurl at other women that we don’t think we have anything in common with. We judge other women on their hair, clothing, color, size and relationship status. We assume that we won’t like one another and don’t bother to take a chance. Now, I am not saying we’ll have commonalities and connections with every women we may come across but we certainly have the potential for connection and solidarity with a more diverse group of women than we imagine.

I wrote about this in September 2008 after I returned from one of the many women-centered retreats I have helped organize and attended with my teacher, Nita Rubio, and the women I have circled with over the years. But, since that last retreat, I entered my second trimester, had a beautiful baby boy and lost my sense of self and sisterhood in the process.

It’s easy to do when you’re recovering from a c-section and adjusting to the needs of new baby. Somewhere in the process my individual identity got mixed up with the dirty diapers and pumping.

This past weekend was my first weekend away from my boy since he was born last February. It was my first weekend immersed with a group of women that gathered with intention in a sacred female space in over a year.

I forgot how much I needed this despite my clear sense of longing and isolation as I nurtured my newborn babe.

Even so, I found myself with the same tendency to judge. We were 13 women among the Joshua Trees of the desert, away from partners, children, and careers. I have known many of the women for years in circle, many I had never met. Despite teaching Women’s Studies and lecturing on the division that is encouraged among women and despite the enriching experiences I have had with my community of women, I still find myself quick to stereotype and judge.

As always, I was confronted with my judgements and the walls I erected hastily were smashed and I was able to meet a plethora of amazing women of various walks of life. I am grateful for the ability to move past these superficial boundaries more quickly than I was able to as a young woman but the fact that these judgements still arise is noteworthy and troubling.

By the end of our 4 days communing together in the desert over delicious food, in the hot tub, in the sacred dance, late night wine, laughter and deep conversation I felt deep gratitude for the lessons I was offered and the reminder that we women have a lot to offer one another if we can move beyond our culturally embedded assumptions and suspicions.

Sisterhood is still powerful.

To read Nita Rubio’s post on this past weekend, click here.

Picture taken by Nita Rubio. Joshua Tree Highlands, 2010.

Who’s surprised?

Bride Wars reinforces catty and two-faced “friendships” between women in which women overtly and covertly try to sabotage one another.  The second layer of stereotypes involves painting these women as vapid and superficial creatures that are willing to fight over a wedding day, the day that “all little girls dream about.”

But their aggression toward each other isn’t their fault — they’re just women, after all, empty-headed creatures naturally prone to impractical fantasies and vicious rivalries.

Ugh.  Welcome to 2009.  As things change and we celebrate women like Rachel Maddow, Katie Couric and Campbell Brown, we are reminded how much stays the same.

Read Stephanie Zacharek’s full review here.

This piece by Marianne Schnall is moving, inspirational and a powerful example of the collective spirit of women.

Marianne Schall’s intention in writing this piece is as follows:

“As a woman, I have been feeling a bit overwhelmed and shaken by this election season, the highs and lows of it all. On the one hand, I have been feeling powerful — everyone is talking about women and our decisive influence in this election. Even the cover of the September 22nd issue of Newsweek is asking, “What do women want?” It’s a good question. So many important themes and dialogues have been raised during this election season — about identity politics, what we expect from a woman leader, sexism in the media, diversity in the feminist movement, what masculine and feminine values are, and about Sarah Palin and the “Palin effect.” It all made me want to talk to other women, to get clarity, to gain insight. I tried to think about what I, personally, could do to contribute to this dialogue.

I realized that, through my many years as a writer and as founder of the women’s website and non-profit organization, Feminist.com, I possessed extensive contacts with a diverse cross-section of well-known and respected women. So, I decided to pose identical questions by e-mail to some of these dynamic women and just see what came in. Some of the responses I got were by e-mail, some by impromptu phone interviews, but, it was clear that people felt the urge to talk and vent their thoughts.”

One of my favorite (of many) quotes:

Isabel Allende:
“Sisters, look at the issues, not color, gender or age of the candidates. Obama represents hope and change, he has ideals, he brings light and intelligence to a stagnant political situation that has lasted too long and has left the country economically bankrupt, trapped in a never ending war and divided. Sisters, be informed, work for the best candidate, vote and make sure that everybody around you votes too. Show up or we will all regret it. Obama is the girls in the race.”

I just spent a weekend in the glorious land of Big Sur with 14 phenomenal women from a broad array of backgrounds.  Heterosexual. Lesbian. Bi. Mothers. Daughters. Sisters. Lovers. Single. Married. Formally educated.  Educated by personal experience. Comfortable.  Working class. Extroverted.  Shy and introspective. Young. Mature. Timeless.

I’ve been  a member of this particular community for three years and a consciously identified feminist for 17 years.  I am still confronted by my own internalized sexism and suspicion when I circle or gather with women.  I am still prone to judgment and competition.  As a young girls, we are socialized to see other girls as a source of competition.  Very often, our best friends are our most intense rivals. As an educator, I constantly hear young women referring to other women as “skinny bitches,” “sluts,” “bitches” and “hos.”

Who’s surprised?  Growing up in a patriarchal culture, girls/women understand from an early age that we will be measured according to the patriarchal standard.  We are measured by the male gaze.  We vie for attention and resources are limited.

In the vein of consciousness-raising groups of second wave feminism, these communities are invaluable to me, specifically, because they bring these deeply entrenched feelings to the surface and allow them to evaporate in an environment of support. Something remarkably different emerges when women gather with intention and purpose.

As I gathered with these beautiful women over the course of three days last weekend, I was given the incredible gift of insight, wisdom and solidarity.  I can not deny the power of this kind of company or the inspiration this type of community provides.

When I read the piece by Marianne Schnall, I was given pause to reflect and cherish the multiple communities of women I am bound to.  I was and am in deep gratitude.  When I read the voices of the remarkable women Schnall featured in her article, I was and am in deep gratitude for their ability to reach thousands of other women. Each of these women weave in and out of their own communities and collectively we embody a solid mass of women.

We are all remarkable and we all have the power to use our voice.  I am in deep gratitide for women all across the globe that, seen or unseen, commune and strive for social and political change that is equitable and just.