I feel his body against mine, and then I feel his erect penis on the small of my back. I squirm, pressing myself against the wall, but he puts a hand over my mouth, hissing into my ear to be quiet so no one hears. He pulls my underwear down and struggles to align his penis with my vagina as I try to push him away and utter muffled cries. He penetrates me.

He flips me onto my stomach, repositioning himself on top of me. He pushes my face down, his weight crushing the breath from me. I struggle to say, “No,” and he growls, “Quiet bitch,” as he yanks my arms back.

“Aw fuck – red! Red!”

“Oh god, I’m so sorry! Are you all right?”

I sit up, immediately released from his hold, and roll my shoulders. “Yeah, you just grabbed me sort of weird and it hurt…and not in a good way.”

He apologizes again and I assure him it’s all right.

I shower, dress, and kiss him on the cheek as I depart for SlutWalk LA.

Despite taking a trained and critical eye at pop culture, it is no big secret that I also consume aspects of pop culture with relish and delight. With that said, I try to make somewhat healthy choices off the pop culture menu, or at least consume the more toxic choices consciously and in moderation. So, I want to come clean about something: yes, when Kim Kardashian left Paris Hilton’s side and “launched” out on her own after her infamous sex tape was “leaked” I was slightly intrigued to see how her brush with fame would play out. As the years went on I became a sort of pop culture lookie-loo, peering at the expanding Kardashian empire, an empire that came to include her entire family, in the form of clothing lines, diet pills, perfume, nude photos and, of course, their various reality shows. It was horrifying to watch unfold on so many levels but I continued to peek with a bizarre fascination.

But, I can’t take much more. I am force fed so much Kardashian that I am ready to vomit. You practically can’t escape; billboards, commercials, tabloid and magazine covers at the checkout stands, television shows and advertisements. And, they’re usually in bikinis and stilettos talking about their bodies or their boyfriend (baby daddy or husband, as the case may be these days). Haven’t they ever heard the term “over-exposure?”

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In light of the recall for padded kiddie bikinis (via Salon Broadsheet):

Today in dispatches from obvious-land: 7-year-olds don’t need padded bikinis. That’s what the British clothing line Primark learned after it was lambasted by children’s advocacy organizations for introducing a sparkly pink-and-gold bikini, complete with cleavage-boosting cups for the tween set. Primark removed the top from the racks yesterday, apologizing and donating any profits from the teeny-weeny bikinis to a children’s charity.

I turn your attention to these past posts on the same subject matter:

September 11, 2008:

Selling adult sexuality to toddlers

September 24, 2008:

Virgin waxing and botox babies: the cash keeps flowing

Sexy Girls, Sexual Boys

October 8, 2008

More sexy girls…ugh!

Yes, I was disappointed with Lady Gaga’s interview with the Norwegian press. It left me confused. Lady Gaga  is vocal on the ancient and persistent sexual double-standard that promotes male sexuality and suppresses female sexuality. She marches for gay rights. How could she deny being a feminist? Huh?

But, that confusion and disappointment has turned around for several reasons.

I was happy to recently read that she dropped the f-word to the LA Times and self-identified as a bit of a budding feminist as a reflection of her status as an  ever-evolving woman. Super cool. Like Noelle Williams, author of the article that revealed Gaga’s new affinity for the feminist label, I believe this young, dynamic and out-spoken woman has the ability to shift the young public’s perception of feminism and feminists. The bottom line is, Gaga has the power to influence.

That’s why her recent comments to the Daily Mail got me excited. She was talking about sex, safe sex, conscious sex. What’s not to get excited about?

She started by commenting on the rate of HIV infections among women:

‘The rate of infection worldwide is higher than ever for women in our particular demographic,’ says Gaga. ‘Those most at risk are women in my age bracket, 17 to 24 [she is 24], and Cyndi’s, which is 38 to 60 [Cyndi is 56]. Part of the problem is that women in those groups are not getting tested. Here in the UK, for example, the statistics are that 73 per cent of women have not been tested for HIV. This is a disease that affects everyone, not just the gay community, and right now it’s mostly affecting women.’

The bottom line? Protect yourself. Don’t let someone convince you not to use a condom. Many young heterosexual women don’t use condoms because they fear disapproval or rejection from the men they want to be with. And that compromises their safety and health. What a positive and powerful message to send to young women in a culture saturated with endless sexually explicit images and messages (and simultaneously disempowers women, encouraging them to be silent).

I was equally excited to read her statement on sex, celibacy and a woman’s right to choose to be sexual or not:

What it’s about, she concludes, is having the confidence to stick to your guns. ‘I remember the cool girls when I was growing up. Everyone started to have sex. But it’s not really cool any more to have sex all the time. It’s cooler to be strong and independent.’

Incredible! Thank you, Gaga. Thank you for using the spotlight to relay intelligent and important messages on timely and pertinent issues.

“It’s cooler to be strong and independent.”

YES! How often do young girls and women hear that? Not that often in our pop culture arena. There have been scores of articles reporting on the increase of oral sex and intercourse among tweens. Many of my students are TA’s in elementary and middle school and they’ve had first hand experience with 12 year-old girls performing oral sex for tween boys.  One student told me he walked in on his friend’s little sister giving her male friend a lap dance. When they asked her what she was doing she replied, “playing MTV.” She was 9 at the time.

Sex and feminism have had an ever-changing relationship. Pro-sex feminism was a response to the critique of pornography and female objectification made by anti-pornography feminists such as the group W.A.P, Women Against Pornography. Feminists since the new millennium have been quick to point out that, yeah, enjoy your sexuality but don’t rest your sole sense of empowerment on sex. I won’t tackle that entire issue here. I just want to point out that Gaga’s statement on sex, the decision not to have sex, to feel empowered to make conscious decisions for yourself is totally feminist and totally awesome. It’s also very much needed as a counter to the ceaseless and confusing messages about sex that bombard young women today. Thank you, Lady Gaga.

CNN reported on the latest [apparently, not the latest: see comment below] atrocious video game that allows the player to rape a woman over and over again while choosing a variety of methods to initiate the assault.

That’s right.

RapeLay, a video game that has gone viral since people, especially women’s rights groups, have reacted in outrage (and rightly so). Rapelay, a video game that, as CNN reports, makes Grand Theft Auto (the game that stirred up a firestorm of criticism upon its release in 2008) appear as harmless and “clean as Pac-man.”

Given the statistics on domestic violence, assault, and rape, it is difficult for me to conceptualize this video game as a “game.” Our media landscape is (and has been) populated with endless streams of images and messages glorifying, eroticizing and diminishing the serious nature of violence against women, an issue that some have called a hidden pandemic and others have labeled an epidemic of global proportions.

Viewing repetitive and stable images decreases our sensitivity to an issue, it normalizes the images and themes contained therein. Violence against women is an issue that we, as a culture, are already desensitized to on many levels. The systematic objectification and dismemberment of women (see Jean Kilbourne‘s film Killing Us Softly 3 and read her book, Can’t Buy My Love: How Advertising Changes the Way We Think and Feel) is rampant in and a staple fixture of our mediated culture, reinforcing images of aggression and violence against women as normative and unremarkable.

“Games” that continue to use images of gratuitous and unapologetic violence as a source of “entertainment” frighten me because the inevitable results are horrifying. We know that dating violence among young people is increasing. We also know that the level of mediation and amount of time young people are exposed to messages constructed by the mass media, including video game makers, is increasing (there are even treatment programs for young people addicted to video games). Taking these variables into consideration and recognizing the correlation between the level of mediation and one’s attitudes, expectations and behaviors creates a dismal picture for girls and women (and this isn’t even taking the construction of gender and the corresponding expectation of violent masculinity and submissive femininity as normative into consideration).

Given that, I think it is safe to say that rape, virtual or real, is never simply a game, at least not for the victims of that violence, virtual or real, and its social, physical and emotional consequences. In the end, we’re all negatively effected by a culture that makes violence against *anyone* a game.

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Twitter is an excellent forum for disseminating and sharing information. It’s also a good place for constructive dialogue and debates to begin. Demi’s critique of Kim Kardashian’s causal reference to “big pimpin'” is evidence of that.

In the wake of the media coverage of this celebrity “feud,” Rachel Lloyd digs deeper. Her post (minus the original twitter exchange) follows below (originally posted at HufPo and crossposted at Ms. Magazine’s FB page and now crossposted here).

There’s been lots of coverage in the last 24 hours on the Twitter ‘feud’ between Demi Moore and Kim Kardashian. Yet the glaring omission from all the articles, blogs and commentary is any real analysis of Demi’s point – that we glamorize and glorify pimp culture, use terminology that seems to legitimize the practice, and in doing so ignore the fact that pimps are modern-day slave-owners.
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This advertisement campaign isn’t new but it still makes me laugh each time I see it.

Nutrisystem says that “real” men can diet, too….as long as they can eat “mmmmm…man food” consisting of meaty burgers and pizza.  Man food is hearty cuz real mean are hearty and beefy, too.

Think Carl’s Junior.  Enough said.

Food as an expression of gender has been around for centuries.

Victorian women were urged not to be seen eating by their mothers because eating led to defecation and women didn’t have and still shouldn’t have bodily functions.  Furthermore, food and the act of eating is sensual, physical and pleasurable.  The Victorian women was not supposed to be sexual, sensual or carnal.  If she did eat, she should steer clear of “heat-inducing” foods such as spices, caffeine and…meat.

Nutrisystem and Carl’s Junior are simply playing out gender rules that are more than 150 years old. And, Nutrisystem has found a way to target men as a new demographic to increase their profits. It does so by allowing men fret over their appearance without losing their manhood. Dieting has long been considered a feminine trait. In order to sell diet food to men you must make commercial that promise these men that they will not be emasculated.

What’s the ultimate message? Diet by eating  “man food” (and we can make money off your new weight obsession without appearing to be a like silly girl).

If you haven’t already hear about 22 year old Natalie Dylan’s virginity auction, start reading here, here or here.

Not surprisingly, the San Diego resident begin the auction on the Howard Stern (the talk-show personality with a reputation for upholding sexism and patriarchal values) show and claims that not only is this an opportunity to pay for her Master’s degree in marriage and family therapy but that she is a feminist and this is, indeed, a feminist act.

More accurately, this is a cultural statement. It speaks volumes about the relationship between the mass media, culture and women’s sexuality. It is also makes lucid statements about the nature of possibilities for women in terms of access to rewards, resources and power. I don’t think it is a benign statement when more and more women see selling their sexuality, their virginity and their eggs for cash to pay for school…or anything else.

Dylan states:

“We live in a capitalist society. Why shouldn’t I be allowed to capitalize on my virginity?” she added.

So far, the bids have exceeded 3.5 million. When people pronounce feminism as dead and/or unnecessary, ask yourself and those people why so many young women still mistakenly confuse selling or giving up their pussies as empowerment and then tell them to read Ariel Levy‘s book Female Chauvinist Pigs: The Rise of Raunch Culture.

Getting Off: Pornography and the End of Masculinity by Robert Jensen should be placed at the top of your reading list.  Second wave feminists, namely the women associated with W.A.P (Women Against Pornography), have been painted as outmoded, “anti-sex” shrews and a new generation of Pro-Sex feminists have emerged.  I understand the critique and I appreciate the efforts that have been made to expand the dialogue regarding sexuality. With that said, we can’t dismiss the fact that the rules of pornography have changed. Situations change.  Arguments change.

I embrace sex, sexuality and sexual freedom.  With that said, I have noticed a remarkable change in the proliferation, availability and representation of “normative” sexuality in pornography over the last 15 years.  Mainstream, normative pornography has become increasinly aggressive and violent portraying a sexual norm and it makes me uncomfortable and concerned.

Posted on Alternet on October 21, 2008, Robert Jensen, explains why pornography has become more boring and more brutal:

Whatever the number, theoretical or routine, the discussion reminds us that pornography is relentlessly intense, pushing our sexual boundaries both physically and psychically. And, pornography also is incredibly repetitive and boring.

Pornographers know all this, of course, and it keeps them on edge.

These days there are about 13,000 pornographic films released each year, compared with about 600 from Hollywood. Not surprisingly, a common concern at the Adult Entertainment Expo each time I attended (in 2005, 2006, and 2008) was that the desperate struggle by directors to distinguish their films from all the others was leading to a kind of “sexual gymnastics.” Lexington Steele, one of the most successful contemporary pornography performers and producers, put it bluntly: “A lot of gonzo is becoming circus acts.”

“Gonzo” is the pornographic genre that rejects plot, character, or dialogue, offering straightforward explicit sex. Gonzo films are distinguished from “features,” which to some degree mimic the structure of a traditional Hollywood film. According to the top trade magazine: “Gonzo, non-feature fare is the overwhelmingly dominant porn genre since it’s less expensive to produce than plot-oriented features, but just as importantly, is the fare of choice for the solo stroking consumer who merely wants to cut to the chase, get off on the good stuff, then, if they really wanna catch some acting, plot and dialog, pop in the latest Netflix disc.” [“The Directors,” Adult Video News, August 2005, p. 54.]…

Pornographers deliver graphic sexually explicit material that does the job, but to do so they must continuously increase the cruelty and degradation to maintain profits.

Gonzo producers test the limits with new practices that eroticize men’s domination of women. Less intense forms of those sexual practices migrate into the tamer feature pornography, and from there in muted form into mainstream pop culture. Pornography gets more openly misogynist, and pop culture becomes more pornographic — many Hollywood movies and cable TV shows today look much like soft-core pornography of a few decades ago, and the common objectification of women in advertising has become more overtly sexualized.

Where will all this lead? How far will pornographers go to ensure their profits, especially as the proliferation of free pornography on the internet adds a new competition? How much eroticized misogyny will the culture be willing to tolerate?

When I ask that question of pornography producers, most say they don’t know. An industry leader such as Lexington Steele acknowledged he has no crystal ball: “Gonzo really always pushes the envelope. The thing about it is, there’s only but so many holes, only but so many different types of penetration that can be executed upon a woman. So it’s really hard to say what’s next within gonzo.”

What’s next? What comes after DPs and double anals? What is beyond a “10 Man Cum Slam” and “50 Guy Cream Pie”? I can’t claim to know either. But after 20 years of researching the pornography industry as a scholar and critiquing it as part of the feminist anti-pornography movement, I know that we should be concerned. We should be afraid that there may be no limit on men’s cruelty toward women. In a patriarchal society driven by the predatory values of capitalism, we should be very afraid.

I appreciated Courtney Martin’s post on Feministing today in response to Michael Kimmel’s latest book, Guyland. Kimmel reported an orgasm gap between men and women engaging in heterosexual hook-ups involving oral sex and intercourse.

It’s not that I’m shocked by these numbers. I’ve heard enough horrendous hetero hook-up stories to know that they’re usually not all that orgasmic, or even all that pleasurable, for the ladies involved. I’m one of those who believes that long term relationships (or at least multiple hook ups with the same partner) are pretty necessary to figure out how your two unique chemistries best match up for good sex (widely defined). This, of course, goes for queer lovin’ as well.

What really made my jaw drop was the discrepancy between the way women reported orgasms and the way men reported women’s orgasms. As Kimmel put it, “Many women, it turns out, fake orgasm.”…

It is your feminist duty to 1) seek pleasure and feel entitled to it and 2) to make the world a more    orgasmic place for other women.

Amen to that, sister.