February 25, 2010

Another Facebook Gem….

In line with my previous post about facebook groups, this one popped up recently: “Reasons when it is acceptable to punch a woman in the face.”

Here is their list:

1. talking too much
2. disagreeing with anything you say
3. burning your food
4. not washing up
5. being on her period
6. being on her period and still coming to see you
7. talking bout other guys….even her dad
8. taking off her make up
9. leaving the kitchen
10. leaving the bedroom
11. refusing a threesome
12. telling you to stop pushing their head down… when
they give you head
13. not knowing the offside rule
14. not knowing the offside rule after being told too many
times
15.not allowing you to have sex with their mum/sister
16. killing banter
17. out drinking you
18. making stupid baby noises
19. being on either team Jacob or team Edward
20. refusing anal
21. breathing
22. when your football team looses
23. wanting attention during a cod session
24. asking you to make her a cup of tea
25. thinking their in control of the relationship
26. when ur angry and need something to hit
27. when you wanna try out your new kung fu move
28. wearing clothes indoors
29. asking you to go down on her
30. when they fish for compliments
31. when they make you watch chick flicks
32. expecting to get paid for
33. trying to help make this list (foook u becky)
34. having an opinion
35. crying for no fucking reason
36. weighing more than you do
37. calling you a woman/pussy
38. giving you a stupid nickname
39. forgetting to shave
40. not swallowing
41.having a 4 finger bucket
42. taking more than 20 minutes deciding what to wear
43. being taller than you
44. bitching about people you dont even know
45. looking at you funny
46. complaining that she’s cold…. wear a hoodie bitch
47. being a feminist
48. asking you to finish her off once ur finished..
49. calling the police when you hit her…bitch should learn
50. for being a woman..
51. saying they love you
52. when she is in range
53. When she reads this and wont have sex with you for
laughin
54. When she asks to be and admin
55. bitching about facebook groups…. get back in the
kitchen
56. when you got 99 problems but a bitch ain’t 1
57. Whenever she talks without being questioned
58. when she sends you a friend request…. i don’t want to be your friend, but you can go make me a sandwich 😛

ONLY REASON TO NOT HIT A WOMAN IN THE FACE…
1. when she’s pregnant…..punch her in the stomach

How about #33?! Becky, I would really like to give you some relationship advice!

I’ve actually heard men say things like, “Well, if she hits me first then she wants to be treated like a man.” Or, “She just wouldn’t stop antagonizing me.”  We saw a very good example last year when Rihanna became the poster girl for domestic abuse. Unfortunately, her celebrity didn’t lend a hand to constructive and progressive movement on domestic abuse which is the leading cause of physical injury to American women between 15 and 44! Most of the media coverage consisted of talking heads insisting on giving Chris Brown a break and lengthy argument about whether or not she provoked him. Provocation or not domestic abuse is never excusable because he is (a) male (b) provoked (c) inebriated or (d) famous. When we continually normalize and excuse domestic violence it makes people like the guy who created this facebook page (who I’d venture a guess may be a fan of Chris Browns) think that it’s ok and humorous to abuse and degrade their partners.

Additionally, men who do not participate in this kind of behavior have to step up and become role models for the young men who only have the Chris Brown’s and Howard Stern’s to look up to. Jackson Katz stands as a leader in advocating that domestic abuse is not a woman’s issue (for older posts including Katz, click here and here). If 4 million women are abused per year then the chances that it will affect someone you know are very high. The chances that your girlfriend or your sister or your mother has been abused are very high; that isn’t a woman’s problem…..that’s a national crisis.

March 12, 2009

What Chris Brown can teach us

The bottom line is that Chris Brown’s assault on Rihanna the eve before the Grammy’s is a teachable moment.  The couple has been a media staple as a couple and individually as mainstream musical icons.  No matter what we think about the media and it’s passion for celebrity lifestyles, the media’s coverage helps construct reality and influence public opinion on a range of issues.

In the same way the murder of Nicole Brown Simpson brought domestic violence to the forefront, Chris Brown’s violent assault reminds us that domestic violence can happen to anyone at any time.

Our society’s tolerance of women being battered is glaringly obvious from the statistics:

  • 1 in 4 women will experience domestic violence during her lifetime
  • One third of female murder victims are killed by their intimate partner
  • Men’s violence against women is the No. 1 cause of injury to women—surpassing even car accidents.
  • Most cases of domestic violence are never reported to police.

Yet women stay in these relationships . Do they have some sort of mental illness? No, Smith tells me. It’s a social behavioral problem on the part of the victim and the abuser, not a psychiatric disorder. “The crux of the problem is that violence is something the perpetrator uses to get control of the other person. [An abuser] may also isolate the woman from her family and friends so she feels like he’s the only one she can rely on.” Of course, financially strapped women, especially those with kids, might have a hard time breaking away, and some justifiably worry that they’ll be killed if they do. Rihanna doesn’t seem to be in this situation, but Smith says it’s often hard for a woman to simply break the emotional bond with the person she’s still in love with.

There has been a growing awareness of domestic violence in recent years. One men’s organization, A Call to Men, is working to change men’s attitudes through education. The group sent out a press release saying that “possibly much of what [Chris Brown] has learned is unfortunately, from the collective body of men, which continues to teach our boys that male dominance, control, privilege, and entitlement is the correct way to behave.”

As stated above, the couple’s rumored reconciliation is another teachable moment.  Oprah has taken this event and utilized her own celebrity and access to the cultural mainstream to send strong messages about the prevalence and pattern of domestic violence and the danger of reconciling with one’s abuser

“And also, love doesn’t hurt. I’ve been saying this to women for years: ‘If a man hits you once, he will hit you again.’ “

Oprah clearly understand the power of both Chris Brown’s and Rihanna’s actions and their influence and impact on young fans.

“It makes me so sad that I said to the producers, ‘I want to do a show about it this week dedicated to all the Rihanna’s of the world,’ ” Winfrey said, citing a statistic that one out of four women in the country are battered.

Sitting at the table with Winfrey, Gayle King echoed her friend’s sentiments while she also weighed in about the pop stars’ relationship.

“My thing about this is, if you guys want to get back together, I’m okay with that, but at least take some time,” she said. “I’m so worried that she’s sending the wrong message to the fans. And him, too.”

On her website, Oprah, posted “A Parent’s Guide to Teen Dating Violence.”

The media and it’s celebrities can influence us for better or worse.  I hope more media outlets and media figures utilize this tragic moment as a reality check and a teachable moment for young fans.

Sadly, the coverage by Cosmo Girl! was severely lacking in depth.

This is some pretty sad news to start the week off with, but it is certainly worthy of talking about. Perez tells us that Chris Brown was arrested after a pre-Grammy party on Saturday night for allegedly assaulting his girlfriend Rihanna. Apparently the couple was arguing in their car when it turned physical and she ended up at the hospital in tears with “contusions and bites.” Brown turned himself in to police the next day, posted $50,000 bail and was released. Both he and Rihanna backed out of the Grammy’s the day of. That is just so sad (we even named them one of the Best Couples of 2008), arguments with your significant other should never turn violent. We wish Rihanna the best and for Chris to get help.

The rest of the “article” discussed the Grammy’s various performers.