June 16, 2010

Sisterhood is (Still) Powerful

Originally posted at Elephant Journal.

Sisterhood, the Divine Feminine and Magic Making…in the Joshua Tree Highlands.

What do you get when you take 12 women of different ages, races, sizes and socioeconomic classes and place them in a large dome in the desert? No, this isn’t a pitch for yet another reality show or a tabloid headline. But if it was, the answer would be “catfight!”

After all, according to the most prolific genre of television today and the looming tabloids that greet us at every check-out counter, girls and women are competitive, back-stabbing, smack-talking “mean girls.” You know, those bitchy girls who don’t have friends but have plenty of “frenemies” that they keep under close scrutiny as they vie for the same prize, namely male attention…as a barometer of self-worth.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s not just the toxic pop culture environment that we’re all swimming in (whether we like it or not) that unfairly portrays girls and women in this superficial way. Truth be told, I’ve had my fair share of bad experiences with women over the years. Those experiences left enough of a bad taste in my mouth that I’d proudly proclaim in my snarky Valley girl way, “I’m not friends with girls. All girls are bitches. I’m just friends with guys.”

I felt privileged and cool to be part of the “boys club.”

And then I stepped into a Women’s Studies class and learned a few things about patriarchy, misogyny and the consistent devaluing of the feminine. I had to ask myself, “what it does it mean to unfairly judge and ultimately hold disdain for other women as a woman myself?” Upon closer inspection, I recognized my own internalized oppression and the ways in which I had come to believe and play out the divisive script. With this realization, I opened myself up to authentic female friendships, friendships that could transcend shopping dates and conversations about men. Through the course of my twenties, those women found me and I found them.

While these friendships nourished me (and continue to do so), I needed more to heal the psychic wounds that taught me to criticize women and view the feminine as less valuable than masculinity and membership in the boy’s club.

In 1994, I discovered the work of Rianne Eisler and Marija Gimbutas, women who influenced feminist spirituality and neopaganism with their examination of pre-Christian goddess cultures. Discovering these authors and their examination of the sacred feminine reaffirmed by own value and worth in a deep and profound way. While my blossoming yoga practice was transformative and healing on multiple levels, the spiritual lineage was, and is, male-dominated—leaving me (and many other women) to wonder “where are the women?” Do we have to match mainstream standards of perfection to garner recognition and visibility?

Eventually my journey led me to Nita Rubio, a teacher that integrates a critical examination of patriarchy, feminist spirituality and the divine feminine in a movement modality.  I had finally found the forum that addressed all my points of concern and inquiry for the previous decade. I’ve studied with Nita for five years, and it has been the sacred female-only space that she cultivates and nurtures that has allowed me to continue to extract patriarchy’s hold on my mind, body, spirit—and female relationships.

And so last Thursday I left Los Angeles and sped through the smoggy Inland Empire to reach my destination, a dome house on five acres in the Joshua Tree Highlands to commune with 11 other women for the next four days. What ensued was not a reality show in the making, replete with mean girl battles and cat fights. Led by Nita, we basked in one another and the land with intention and devotion.

To read complete post, click here.


  1. I always love when I find an article about the beauty that exists between women in a world that so pervasively is trying to tell me that it doesn’t exist. I can totally relate to your experience, I have always had guy friends and always hated women– that is until I walked into YOUR Women’s Studies class and realized that all I had to do was share my experience, my story and there would be plenty of women waiting to do the same. I absolutely love this article, it is such an inspiration! Xo.

    Comment by Marley — June 16, 2010 @ 10:53 pm

  2. I agree with you that the media tarnishes the reputation of women through useless shows that promote sex, blonde bombshells, and anorexia. It affects millions of young girls today who watch shows like The Bad Girls and Jersey Shore. And these shows solely become popular because and why? Not only that, I feel like its not just tv shows, but music we hear these days on the radio. Overplayed, senseless lyrics by popular rappers that rap about sex & women. Imagine message that girls ages 13 are receiving?

    Meanwhile, I can relate to how being accepted as one of the boys would feel pretty cool. I was a tom boy in elementary and jr. high school. And although I was accepted among the boys, and hung out with them more than the girls. It only made me feel more masculine than feminine. I feel like every girl needs girlfriends too. It’s apart of growing as a woman, bonding, and sharing personal feelings about love relationship that you wouldn’t share with a guy.

    Comment by Joanne — September 6, 2010 @ 8:00 pm

  3. I agree with Joanne; I believe everyone needs to have friends of both gender, because there’s some issues you can only discuss with your same sex friend rather than the opposite. I like this sentence: “what it does it mean to unfairly judge and ultimately hold disdain for other women as a woman myself?”, and I guess this question comes up that why don’t so many women know about their own history and why is it that many of them don’t will to fight for their rights? Why are we so self-centered sometime that we can’t even see what’s happening around us?

    Comment by Nima Ghalehsari — September 6, 2010 @ 8:42 pm

  4. I think that in our world, in our society today, we learn that women are for lack of better words “caty.” We see in the media and we hear it among stories that women talk about each other and get into fights much more than men. I think that people give in and believe these ideas because that is what is fed to them. However, this article sheds light on another side, perhaps a side that is more frank. Women can have a bond that is so universal. When the petty media fed conceptions are put aside the universal bond and beauty in these bonds in unmistakable.

    Comment by Joshua.S — September 6, 2010 @ 10:14 pm

  5. I agree with many of you that the media culture brainwashes many into seeing the “fake” relationships women have with one another. I too have had these relationships with many girls as well but I love how this article also takes into consideration that not all female relationships are like that with one another. Because even though I have and am still having those “fake” relationships with women, there are also some women that I have real and strong relationships with as good friends of mine who wish me nothing but the best and through my own experiences we find many things in common. 🙂

    Comment by Ariel Kasheri (wmst10scholars) — November 30, 2010 @ 10:24 am

  6. In high school I played girl’s basketball for four years in which I made some good friends and some somewhat friends. I get exactly what you are talking about, I think that it is amazing when girls can bond and share common interests and topics. I think it is even more amazing that we were a diverse group of ladies bonding. In some cases for us the cattiness was a given. But labeling women as bitches who get into cat-fights over guys and superficial things is a whole other level, that is extremely negative, limiting, and judgmental. I do not believe that women should me given such a stupid and meaningless label. It annoys me how adjectives are basically assigned genders. But anyways I enjoyed reading your article and I think your lectures are amazing.

    Comment by Leora Sheily — February 22, 2011 @ 9:22 pm

  7. I think internalized oppression plays the biggest part in women who felt the way you did. By teaching girls early on that this notion of “caty” women is false they can start to move away from the idea that all girls are in fact not bitches.

    Comment by Shawn S — June 1, 2011 @ 5:12 pm

  8. I do agree that the media does give a negative out look on women and their friendships. Just like anything, not everything you see in the media is true. I believe friendships between females are very valuable. I too have been in in friendships with backstabbing and it is difficult to recover but you just have to believe that not everyone are like that and once you get a great friendship it will be there til the end.

    Comment by Amanda A. — September 3, 2011 @ 4:16 pm

  9. I think this article resonates so much with the experiences that many girls, myself included, go through; we are brainwashed with what reality tv, pop culture, music, celebrities, etc portray about women that we ourselves begin to believe that all women are “bitches” by nature and lose our dignity and self-worth. It is so troubling to see girls and women around me project themselves, whether it’s in the way they speak, dress, or socialize, in ways that show how this brainwashing has taken affect. I am thrilled to be in a Womens Studies class that is totally taking apart this myth, telling the truth, and undoing some of the damage that our pop culture has created in our minds.

    Comment by Jennifer S — September 5, 2011 @ 4:33 pm

  10. I fully agree that women are portrayed by the media as being catty and back-stabbing. People are bombarded by negative images of women everywhere. For example this “Real Housewives” craze. It’s basically a bunch of grown women who are shown trying to degrade and fight each other every chance they get. And even in shows that aren’t “reality” such as “Gossip Girl” women and girls are portrayed as being catty and willing to back stab and double cross each other just for the attention of men. Not only does the media constantly sexualize women for the purpose of pleasing men but the media also devalues the very special bonds women have with each other.

    Comment by Chloe Shenassa (women studies 10 scholars) — September 5, 2011 @ 8:19 pm

  11. Before the feminist movement can be universally recognized, the people partaking in said movement must be fully united, especially the women in modern society. I once heard a quote that went something like this: “If women didn’t all hate each other, they could rule the world.” I found this statement both interesting, true, and applicable to this post in that it reflects how women must unite, as sisters, and find the good in eachother, and feed off of that.

    Comment by Tiffany Majdipour — September 5, 2011 @ 10:01 pm

  12. Competition is natural and part of being human; however women tend to be nastier and more conniving. In my experiences immediately when women enter rooms filled with other women they do not know, they tend to look them up and down harsly judging them. The article is completely right that it stems from an “internalized oppression” and judgement of oneself. The ending of the article is very wise-if women were more likely to let down their guard, not judge each other, and not have such a strong desire to be less of a sisterhood and be more apart of the “boys club”, we would find a strong connection and community.

    Comment by Isabella DeCredico — September 5, 2011 @ 11:16 pm

  13. I had always felt that there is a love between women that needed to be cultivated and I made a strong commitment to find it about 5 years ago. Every friendship gets deeper and richer as I grow and learn how to get my needs met by expressing my needs. It is nice to understand the world I have been brought up in, and my mother for that matter, and take into account that I and we, have been effected by society and I can still do my part to cultivate deep fulfilling powerful loving friendships with other women and know it isn’t as easy as I thought it might be because of these historical holds that each women has to free herself from and I don’t have to take it personally but I do need to find the free women to invest in. Thank you for highlighting this deep need we women have to be close with one another.

    Comment by Carenna Willmont — September 5, 2011 @ 11:49 pm

  14. I think that because we live in such a patriarchal society it’s become such a habit for young girls to internalize the thought of “femininity is wrong”. For so long have young generations of girls been exposed to these “catty” females and the views others have on them (their frenemies). And because of this negative light that women have been walking under, I can see why women would want to leer away from femininity and covet the acceptance of the male gender. I also think it’s high time we’ve put a stop to this promotion of “internalized oppression”.

    Comment by Alexandra A. — September 6, 2011 @ 12:07 am

  15. I defiantly agree with this article. When people think all different kinds of women are going to spend alone time together in a room, we think things that are portrayed in television will actually happen in real life. All these “reality” TV shows are causing catastrophic perception of women in today’s society. Not all women , back-stabbing, competitive, smack-talking “mean girls”. I am fortunate to be taking a women studies class, I get to be informed about something that is being perceived in the media the wrong way and WS class is going to help me get my point across to people who are uninformed about women in today’s society.

    Comment by Jessica Orozco — September 6, 2011 @ 4:21 pm

  16. I can really relate to this article, for I personally thought the same of other women, so throughout my life I have never got along with other women. Even throughout high school I was always surrounded by my guy friends and criticized other women because of my bad experiences. I am currently taking a women’s studies class so my views has been changed and now I am understanding that there are other women who have the same views as I do and I made friendships that thought I would never have. I totally agree we as women can have very strong bonds but the way we are portrayed ruins how we can get closer to each other and understand each other as fellow women. I truly love this article, very well written and I love the fact that others can relate to it. good job

    Comment by Nancy Almanza — September 6, 2011 @ 4:23 pm

  17. Sounds like an amazing experience. Hopefully in this WS30 class, I can find women to share such profound realizations with. The nature of women and their relationships with each other can indeed carry much animosity and phoniness especially when we feel like we constantly have to compete with one another. Throughout high school, I had my share of drama and “shadiness” with girls I didn’t even know but also girls who at certain periods of time were my best friends. So I could also relate to the idea of thinking girls were too dramatic and pretentious, and instead getting along better with having guys as friends. But over the past year (and the summer especially) I’ve rekindled relationships with two of my closest girlfriends. I’ve never really had any conflict with them, but they certainly have their moments of criticizing and showing contempt for other girls which leave me feeling ashamed and uncomfortable for somewhat partaking in this oppression towards other women. This now makes me excited to discover a means of overcoming my own internalized oppression and the instilled practices of criticism and competition among women.

    Comment by Camille Cueto — September 6, 2011 @ 7:24 pm

  18. There definitely has been a time when identifying with being one of the guys and fitting in was more important than any female friendship. While it was the “cool thing,” I felt something missing: they didn’t grow up in the same oppressed society; they weren’t affected everyday of their lives. There are certain aspects in life that we’re better suited connecting with a female, a different kind of mutual warmth it provides. The connection to reality TV is too true, and your experience sounds amazing!

    Comment by Biana B — September 7, 2011 @ 1:04 am

  19. Some of you guys may not Like me after this comment, But it’s Okay. I may have a better chance to sleep well anyway seeing how this is just my opinion. So” I totally Agree with the article about placing 12 women in a room, only because almost every television show is about back stabbing, jealousy, hating and talking about each other, of course there’s a big chance of a Cat fight. Then the women claim to be Good friends or just wanted to help her, that’s all crap. Why does it anger us as women that men portray us this way? Intimidation and jealousy plays a big part in prepping todays youth this is what they’re watching on Television, This is not a friendship nor stereotype this Shit is Real Life. As For only having Male friends is better” its also hard to believe. The women who are married or just dating these So Called “Guy friends” don’t fully agree to them having female friends because there’s aways speculation that there’s something going on between the two. Or there’s a possibility that he may want more then a friendship. I have both male and female friends and there’s a lot of Gossip/Chaos among both sides. I sometimes get confused with who’s the Worst the Men or Women. I enrolled in this Women Studies Class knowing nothing about the difference between Feminist nor Feminism. Don’t judge Me, just help me to Understand.

    Comment by Tisa Harper — September 7, 2011 @ 1:10 am

  20. From reading this article it made me realize that women from this society had been would never get alone with other race, culcure when we put them in a room. Either they would fight with eachother or they would not agree with most of the thing each of them have to say. However, i agree with some of the girls here we need to have some argement with other women from other culture, race, sizes because society is full of suprises.

    Comment by Orly Pirian — September 7, 2011 @ 1:19 pm

  21. This article is somewhat true. Although I can’t relate, i have several female friends who feel the same way. They always tell me they rather have guys friends than girl friends because with girls they always have drama. I sort of understand that because with us guys it’s simple we just joke around and have fun without discussing any situations or our problems. Many of my female friends like that because they just want to have a good time without dealing with any drama.

    Comment by Robert — September 7, 2011 @ 2:22 pm

  22. As I read this article I realized there are many true facts in it, however I do not think they apply to all women. Women could be overwhelming in the way they want to achieve male attention, but when it gets between two women to fight over one male, the real trouble starts. Many young women my age will simply be attracted to someone they never thought of approaching just because another girl started to pursue him. Again, I believe there are many girls who aren’t like that and that would not want to jeopardize their sisterhood just because of an interest in a male due to this reason or another.
    I simply believe that true friendship between women is a very strong bond since I was exposed to it as a child growing up seeing my mother interacts with her female friends, and the amount of blind trust they have in one another.
    I believe that most young women will only realize that sisterhood is far better than a stupid catfight after experiencing it on their flesh.

    Comment by Uriel Gadolian (WS10) — September 7, 2011 @ 5:17 pm

  23. I really liked this article because I can relate to it, and i feel like many girls are able to relate to this article. Throughout our society, girls are constructed as “bitches”. Our media and all these reality shows portray this image of women. I, along with many other girls, used to believe all girls are “bitches” because with girls, it always involves competition and drama with everything, especially competition over guys. After freshman year in high school, where i got into many fights with girls, I decided I was over the drama and sick of hearing or being involved in it. I was good friends with the guys because their life was drama free and carefree. After a couple months, i realized that i need girl friends. I needed girls so i can vent about anything, talk about love life, and go shopping, and a lot more!
    Now when girls tell me “All my friends are guys, girls are bitches”- I wish they understood that there are girls who also hate drama and are just like them, and together they can form a friendship. Women are able to unite. If we girls don’t want to be friends with each other, why would society think any better of us and the image of girls as “bitches”?

    Comment by Doreen Cohen — September 7, 2011 @ 5:36 pm

  24. After reading this i’ve come to realize that throughout my 19 years of living my strongest friendships have been with males. Only a few frienships with females have lasted to the present. I honestly believe it’s hard to find women that you can truly connect with because yes , some of us are bitches, and some of us are backstabbing mean girls. But in my first year of college at CSU Long Beach, i took a Women’s Studies course called Women and Their Bodies. There i found women my age who i could talk to about the issues surrounding women; some of them shared my personal struggles and concerns. It was then when i realized that i wasn’t standing alone as a woman, i could open up my heart and relieve myself of the burden that had been hunting me for weeks. In a way i felt a spiritual change when i engaged with other women and discussed our different views on Pregnancy/Abortion, Romantic Relationsips,Sexual Harrassment (to name a few). It was nice to hear their opinions even if they were different from mine, it made me embrace their opinions even more. I felt that “sisterhood” when we had discussions, i felt empowered at the end of every class and it made me realize how important it is to have friendships with women. Although i find it really disappointing that i don’t have a sisterhood with my own sisters. They are the “mean backstabbing bitches” that i hate. We have completely different values and morals, simply different ways of thinking and living life. They have no interest in furthering their education or even having a career. I admit that i get along better with my brother because we think alike and both are in college and want to have careers. I hope to overcome the disconnection i have with my sisters someday , but for now i’ll continue to search for women and men i can relate to. -M.F.

    Comment by Myra Flores — September 7, 2011 @ 6:14 pm

  25. I completely agree with the idea that the media portray women to be “backstabbing” and malicious intentionally. They (the media) make it seem like women are incapable of being in groups without there being any drama or cattiness involved. Drama always outperforms and outsells no drama. In my opinion, I believe that women are much more complex than men when it comes to dealing with emotions or feelings; therefore they are portrayed as being “bitches” when they are just expressing their feelings. Like men are competitive with other men when it comes to sports and dating, women are competitive with other women. I can really relate to this article and your friendship experiences!

    Comment by Nicole Sooferian (Section 3131) — September 7, 2011 @ 6:49 pm

  26. I so agree that the media negatively shows women as seductive, and catty while discrediting sisterhood and fostering in us only superficial bonds. It’s disgraceful how femininity and sisterly bonds have been reduced to being rude and demeaning to one another. In an age where such things are quite the norm, it’s difficult to find a space and place where egos are let down and genuine, sincere friendships can grow. From my own experiences, and I’m sure those of many others, there are times when it’s difficult to approach other women in a sisterly way and make some sincere bond. Often times an honest compliment is misread as a put down, or even interpreted as some sort of selfish ploy. It’s refreshing to read this article and to know how others, as well, feel the same way as I’ve been feeling about the whole misconception of sisterhood.

    Comment by Nilu V. — September 7, 2011 @ 7:49 pm

  27. I want to know, what did you do while inside the dome? For me personally the though of women confide in a place is not a huge deal. I go to an all women’s college. However, people would always ask me the same question- how much drama is there? Actually we didn’t have any drama or at least any that would impede our studies.

    Unlike Melanie I have always been really good friends with girl, and I think the reason why is because of who I am friends with. I have had some horrible experiences, but with my best friends we made a comfortable space where we can express frustrations, dreams, and encouragement.

    Comment by Rosy — September 7, 2011 @ 8:15 pm

  28. I loved this article. I’ll admit that the quote “I’m not friends with girls. All girls are bitches. I’m just friends with guys” sounds exactly like something that would come out of my mouth. All of my friendships with girls have for one reason or another ended with cattiness and yes sometimes I was the one being catty, other times it was my so called friends. These past experiences with girls led me to conclude that girls do not make good friends and that guys are the only friends whom won’t spread rumors about you behind your back. Lately, I have come to the conclusion that perhaps I made an error in judgment and there is still the possibility of having strong friendships with girls that won’t end in bitterness. The only problem is meeting girls whom are open to the possibility of friendships as well it seems that the older you get the harder it can be to make friends with the same gender. Perhaps, I’m still in the mind set that life is a competition and the girl sitting next to me is my competition. Slowly I am opening myself up and once again allowing the possibility of forming a friendship with fellow girls. I really feel that society and the way I was raised as well as my previous experiences has caused me to feel so competitive with my fellow women but stories like the one above do offer a bit of hope and inspiration that there is a “sisterhood” that still stands strong.

    Comment by Stefanny DeLong — September 7, 2011 @ 9:08 pm

  29. I feel that both men and women should not only have a relationship with their own sex but with one of another sex in order to share feelings they feel. For example, lets say a girl gets in a fight with one of her good friends and she wants to talk to someone about it. I feel that she should have the opportunity to even talk to a guy about it although she rather talk to a girl who has or knows someone who had experienced something similar to it.

    Comment by Idor E. — September 7, 2011 @ 9:29 pm

  30. I agree with this article a lot, and mostly because I can relate to it so much. In my early years of school I expected to see mean girls, because of what I had seen in television and movies. These thoughts became realities and made me not want to have girl friends. I relate to feeling cool being a part of “the boys club” for sure, for a period of time if we played girls verse boys in a sport, I would go to the boys side, and ironically they were nicer about it than the girls were. Eventually as I got older I met girls who were solid, and I could really be myself with. Through learning about people and what they go through, you see a pattern of why people are the way they are. When I went into my first women studies class I learned a lot more about women’s history and the ways we are affected. I love seeing the beauty of female relationships, the kind you don’t see in the media, like this, where women aren’t expected to crave attention, or drama and are just themselves.

    Comment by Georgette Ward — September 7, 2011 @ 9:37 pm

  31. I am guilty of being apart of the “boys club”, not that I didn’t have any female friends, I just grew up with a lot of males in my neighborhood. That made it hard for me to have positive friendships with girls until I got to high school. I was on n dance team with fifty girls , this team was theh best thing that ever happened to me. It helped me learn to deal with different personalities and the girls also helped me learn to embrace my own beauty. We grew to have a stronger bond than ive had with one person. I learned that despite our differences in age, race, and background we all had something in common which was that we were all women trying to make sense of our lives. Although I am guilty of watching shows like “The Bad Girls Club” and “Real Housewives of ________” I find it sad how the media portrays women but in some cases their actions are reality.

    Comment by Tramisha Brown — September 7, 2011 @ 9:37 pm

  32. To be totally honest, I really, really, really needed to read this!! I have recently been having a hard time with my friendships, and decided that it was because of my insecurities and because I was convinved that “girls are just too catty.” I do, however, find myself getting along really well with males because I did grow up with three brothers and we are all very close. That being said, however, I truly feel the need to seriously…get over it…and learn to really love my fellow female. I am a firm believer that there is power in numbers and if I want to fight for human rights and the ideals that represent the feminist perspective, how can I do that if I do not first put aside my insecurities about my relationships with women and learn to commune with them?

    I am grateful for having the opportunity to read this and comment. Truly can’t explain what i gained from this and how I truly hope it will translate to my life and others…

    Comment by Mary Grace Baldo — September 7, 2011 @ 9:57 pm

  33. This post was very pleasing to read,i can relate to being friends with only guys.I’ve had many friends that i thought i could trust and ended up being un trust worthy then i started thinking that every girl was like that so after that i only started associating myself with boys and not having any trust in girls.I can honestly say and be happy that i can sleep better at night without having any drama i can associate girls with being dramatic and i really don’t like that plus i don’t like people who are mean and sometimes girls can be really mean but with that being said i am on my way to learn how to be a little more open minded and not to think bad about other girls.

    Comment by Priscilla Morales — September 7, 2011 @ 10:01 pm

  34. I agree with everything you said about the way that the media portrays females and i think that this is wrong. Because females are portrayed as mean and jealous, i believe that the youth of todays society is learning from the media and we are creating a future society of girls that will be against each other as opposed to uniting. I never had many close female friends through grade school or high school because i felt the same way you did. I always felt females were bitchy and caused a lot of drama, therefore i was always hanging out with my guy friends. I did have one close female friend that i considered to be my adopted sister. I enrolled in this Women’s Studies class and even though it is only the second week, i feel like my views have changed a bit. Your article showed me that there are nice females as well and all females are not all like the brats that everyone had to deal with growing up. Your experience sounds one of a kind!

    Comment by Erin Kaitel — September 7, 2011 @ 10:02 pm

  35. Like many of the others, I also truly believe that the media portrays girls as “competitive, back-stabbing, smack-talking mean girls.” This is shown in magazines, reality shows, gossip blogs, etc. Although at times it may be true, this absolutely does not properly define all women. Personally, I have come face to face with way too many of these “girls”!! However, I have also always had those friends who are always there for me when I need them.

    Also, although I believe that friendships between men and women have a higher chance of being functional in the sense that it wouldn’t end with some stupid fight about something she heard or he said, I absolutely still believe that the friendship between two girls is more precious and meaningful due to the intense similarities there are between them.

    Comment by Donna Kahen — September 8, 2011 @ 1:00 am

  36. I remember posting a comment on this article a few semesters ago for Women Studies 20. As I reflect on my answers then on pop culture and media, I realized that not much has changed from the messages conveyed today. Jersey Shore is still airing and old shows like The Bachelorette and The Bachelor Pad are being recycled each season. The commonality that these TV shows share is the degradation of women. Women are either depicted as gold-digging sluts and bitches or women who suffer from the princess syndrome. Media and pop culture have become toxic towards young women who turn on the TV every day, yet the corporations behind these airwaves fail to censor or reconsider whether these shows are appropriate at all. Entertainment is wonderful no doubt, but when a trail of TV shows with the same messages and questionable behavior is emanated by the characters, I think it’s no question that cat fights, sex, and alcohol is a serious problem that must be dealt with.

    Hence, the explanation behind the exception of these shows being aired is due to corporations that are structured around patriarchy. It’s evident that people are not aware of this inherent system because it has been suppressed and hidden from us (men and women).

    Comment by Joanne S — September 8, 2011 @ 1:38 am

  37. @ Joanne: I do agree that media affect young women and causes many behavior issues. And I’d like your point of view about corporations’ role in our society.
    I could highly relate to this article because it pictures many of woman’s mentality, include myself. It shows how our society and media affect peoples’ view and brain wash our young women.

    Comment by Negar Azadbadi — September 11, 2011 @ 9:58 pm

  38. If you’ve never had a sister or a close relationship with your mother, you may lack some knowledge of womenhood. After reading this blog it makes me want to take a womans retreat, or even do some really deep soul searching,and trully learn what it means to be a woman, or even build more female friendships. My favorite quote from this blog is a real eye opener…” I needed more to heal the psychic wounds that taught me to criticize women…” This is exactly what I need, more time and education to trully understand women.

    Comment by Angela Wheatfall — September 12, 2011 @ 9:25 pm

  39. After reading “Sisterhood is Still Powerful” article I quickly realized how I have caught myself acting in a bitchy way towards other woman who had also back stabbed me or done something that made my trust falter in our relationship. In fact I recently spoke to my friend exactly over this matter about how women could have the heart to do such a thing to one another when in reality aren’t we all human beings? Living and breathing upon this very Earth? What in gods name makes us act so cruelly towards one another? Aren’t we supposed to be more empathetic, and able to understand others feelings? Yet we back-stab, talk smack, and brush off the fact that we’ve hurt one another.

    Even today it makes no sense to me. In fact its unfortunate. Instead of being united or learning new things about one another we just hate on one another. I still hope to begin my journey in finding women who I can connect with on a different level, such as a sister more of spiritual connection. I agree that sisterhood is still powerful, but only if woman let it become a part of their lives. I believe the media in many ways is to blame for this unsanitary way we women act towards one another. Its as if we have been taught by the media that this is how woman are, they are not supposed to be your friends, but they are supposed to act like complete bitches, or “frenemies”. To be honest why has the word “frenemies” been created, so we women can use it against each other? I’m not exactly saying men may not act in this way, but it rarely happens, and you rarely catch men using the term “frenemy”. My point being, that men are not depicted this way in the media, so therefore they don’t act in such ways. I found that interesting and am happy that the article “Sisterhood is Still Powerful” circulates around the web and within women’s studies classes to help all women (including myself) face reality as ugly as it may be and change it into something beautiful.

    Comment by Chantal Rashtian — September 12, 2011 @ 10:41 pm

  40. I agree with you on many points that you make in your blog. For instance, I too believe that women are portrayed as jealous, and unreliable people with no feelings for anybody else. The stereotypes for women in the media range anywhere from gold diggers, whom only care about a mans wealth, to a beauty queen, whom only cares about her appearance, completely neglecting the feelings of those around her. I did some research on Riane Eisler, ( the women you mentioned in your blog), and learned that she is a social activist, whom has published many books. I found it very comical when you mentioned that many women do not get along with other women. I feel that a man and woman have a better chance of a successful relationship, as opposed to a woman with another woman. All in all, I found your blog very interesting and look forward to reading many more of them.

    – Ryan Mehdian , Women Studies 10 ( Scholars)

    Comment by Ryan Mehdian — September 12, 2011 @ 10:54 pm

  41. I have to agree with this article… Not only does the media I feel, tend to target women, but at the same time degrades their whole social aspects. Also from experience, I’ve seen girls who seek that attention and actually love that “drama”or even befriend each other with negative intentions. Its really sad how media can portray and influence some women.

    Comment by JohnT — September 13, 2011 @ 9:34 am

  42. From a mans perspective, I find it intriguing that women, too, suffer from internalized oppression. You would never think a woman could believe in the same sexist ideals that men do, but the fact of the matter is that the culture in which we are raised and the media we are constantly surrounded by weighs on our ability to properly and accurately judge women today. I also find it interesting how the writer found yoga to be a part of her journey through this struggle. I have never thought of yoga being male dominated in the sense of spiritual lineage, but it allowed her to think and question, and that to me is fascinating.

    -Brandon Asherian, Womens Studies 30

    Comment by brandona — September 16, 2011 @ 7:57 pm

  43. After reading this article, it kind of opened my eyes to how I act with other women. It’s true how some women perceive each other as bitches right away. I think for a lot of us we call each other bitches without really knowing each other. We’re afraid to take the chance of talking to each other and getting to know one another. We’re afraid of rejection; As you said in the article everyone has the same worries like will we have anything in common or will they like me.
    Even though it’s true that many girls don’t get along, we shouldn’t be putting each other down and talking bad about one another just to make ourselves feel like we’re above that person.
    A lot of girls feel competition among each other and that also causes tension for no reason. Instead of coming together we’re fighting each other.
    I also agree that media has a lot to do with this image. The media sends the message that being a bad girl and bitch is what’s cool.
    It’s so unfortunate that young girls are growing up watching these things and reading it in magazines. They (young girls) think being a woman is about being a bad girl and whoever is the biggest bitch is a real woman because they “speak the truth.”
    They should be more role models out there who are positive and stand for unity. I feel like unless there’s a change in the media, it won’t be changing anytime soon.

    Comment by Michelle A — September 16, 2011 @ 8:40 pm

  44. I’ve never realized before how masculinity is more accepted. All while growing up I’ve noticed how its more accepting when girls take part in what seems to be boys activities, as a matter of fact girls are praised when they do so. On the other hand, when I boys becomes interested in “girl stuff” the boy is shunned and outcasted. It is also no surprised to have females classify each other in derogatory terms. Just take a look at our mainstream entertainment like Jersey Shore, a show which is mostly composed of “catfights” and getting male attention by any means It’s great to hear that finally women are breaking away and actually created environments that are promising rather than chaotic and disturbsome.

    Comment by Brianda Bobadilla — December 3, 2011 @ 11:27 pm

  45. I especially enjoyed reading this article since I can relate to it. Many of my girl friends and I used to fit into this mindset where we thought that all females are “competitive, back-stabbing, smack-talking mean girls”. This caused us to drift away from most of our female friends and instead starting to hang out with our guy friends. We were so fed up with the needless drama and gossip that it made hanging out with the guys feel good because they were layed back about everything and there wasn’t any drama. However, after a while we realized that even though these guys are great friends and we are having an easier time with them, we also need our girl friends!! We need people which we can relate to and vent to about our own girl issues, which our guy friends may not be able to understand.
    I agree that the media plays a major role is skewing our knowledge on reality and increasing this internal oppression. However, I learned my lesson that there’s no reason to stay away from our OWN gender, especially since we are already considered to be a minority group! Your experience sounds one of a kind, thank you for sharing this with us.

    Comment by Rosemary A — January 4, 2012 @ 2:28 pm

  46. I had a long friendship with a woman who always seemed like the jealous type and in her head, she was constantly competing with other women. She would put them down, just to make herself feel better. I always wondered why she was doing that. After dealing with her “drama” for so long; for a period of time, I thought all women were just snobby and “catty.” The media does not show otherwise, because nowadays there are several television shows that show women hating on other women, talking trash about them, playing games to humiliate them, and competing in EVERYTHING they do just to boost their own self esteems. Watching these shows and seeing these flawless celebrities, forces us women to think that, this girl is fat and what she is wearing is ugly or slutty. The media has painted a picture in the brains of many that women are bitches. But how are we, as women allowing society to describe us, as a group in that way? I believe some of us women do not even know the true meaning of sisterhood, and to me it’s just sad.

    Comment by Mary H. — January 4, 2012 @ 6:21 pm

  47. I think that it is important to develop friendships with other not only the same sex but the opposite as well. It makes life more interesting and people are more educated in what equality means. Women and men learn from others, and women to women share a bond that shouldn’t be taken for granted by the mean girls out there.

    Comment by Alexandria Scott — January 5, 2012 @ 12:10 am

  48. I have yet to experience an authentic friendship with another woman outside of my sisters (biological). I feel very close to them because I know they do not judge me, they do not compete with me and there are very seldom feelings of jealously amongst us. But most importantly, I completely trust them and they trust me. I have on occasion had friendships with women which showed promise of what I share with my sisters, but I am my own worst enemy and my inability to trust has quickly ended any prospect of a long lasting friendship. I am definitely more inclined to trust men. I trust my husband. That’s not to say that I don’t have occasional feelings of distrust but thankfully I am to work through that. But I have not been able to do this with women, or, I am beginning to realize, I am simply not willing to do so with women. I want to change because I know something substantial is missing from my life — I want to be “nourished” through meaningful friendships with other women. I want to “heal my psychic wounds,” and I believe I am finally in a place where I can commit myself to doing so. I am learning more and more every day and with this new knowledge I am feeling more confident and more importantly I am realizing that I have something to offer. So perhaps that’s it … I haven’t felt I had anything to offer until now? Interesting, I’ll have to think more on that.

    Comment by Willemina V. — January 5, 2012 @ 2:52 pm

  49. I can personally relate to the cruelty, which exists among high school girls, and have witnessed the vicious acts of the “mean girls”, however I have also been part of a group of girls who I have learned from and loved. My group of friends has given me both emotional and physical support, which I greatly cherish. I understand Professor Klein’s fear of joining the group and facing judgments, however this is part of everyday society. I am somewhat jealous of Professor Klein’s experiences at Joshua tree and hope to one day participates in a similar experience.

    Comment by Sandy A — January 5, 2012 @ 7:22 pm

  50. I’ve had bad experiences with girlfriends in the past. Women that I have loved and cared deeply for have turned their backs on me in a time of need. I have recently opened my heart up to the idea of letting myself trust and build relationships with other women. This article gives me hope that i too can be worthy of having great relationships with other women.

    Comment by Mirian M — January 6, 2012 @ 11:42 am

  51. I personally too have had some bad experiences with girls in high school. And I can say I definitely had more guy friends then girls. I had my select few that I believed I would stay good friends with. Unfortunately those too fell apart due to backstabbing and dishonestly. At times I just wish I had that close girl friend who I can not matter what rely on, and know she’s always going to be there. I know I’m not the only one with this issue but it’s so hard to know that there are girls out there that may actually be your true best friends. I am happy to hear you say that your four days with these women was a good experience. Leaves me with some hope that one day I may have an experience like that. Leaving out the mean girls and cat fights.

    Comment by Sarah R. — January 6, 2012 @ 8:17 pm

  52. Similar to everybody else, I had many years in which I proudly proclaimed to only be friends with boys and put down friendships with girls. Growing up I’d had many experiences dealing with catty classmates or teammates in gymnastics who spent much of their time gossiping, creating “exclusive clubs” with each other, and enforcing their own hierarchy among the girls on the playground. I always felt like I received the brunt of everything. At the time it just seemed easier to separate myself from the group entirely and identify in the simplicity of my friendships with the guys.

    As I’ve gotten older, though, I’ve realized that while that’s a common choice for girls in my place to make, it’s not the most productive. I think in a lot of ways by segregating myself and not addressing the issues I simply allowed the pattern to continue. I’m not saying that I could have changed the entire female/female dynamic on my own but I, in fact, aided it. I made it outwardly known that I preferred friendships with men and perpetuated the notion that women are less than, are weaker, and aren’t worth the effort.

    It’s nice to events like this taking place where women can be removed from their natural environment and undue influence and find themselves forming strong relationships with others based upon true connection and nothing else.

    Comment by Antonia C. — January 8, 2012 @ 7:51 pm

  53. After I had read this article I have to be honest and say some of the things written brought up some terrible memories of middle school that I would like to forget about. It too has left a foul taste in my mouth till this day. 8th grade in particular I remember wanting to fit in and be one/friends with the popular girls..I stopped trying and just was just myself and made new girl friends…or so I thought. It wasnt until too much longer that these girls started to turn their backs on me and ridicule me and tease me. I was a little over weight at thriteen and of course weight it such an easy low blow. I remember not wanting to go to school and endure that. But then one day a girl stuck up for me and made the rest of that year bearable. She totally brought back my trust in girls my age. Once I reached high school I didnt have any expectations and made great girl friends. Some I stayed friends with, some I didnt. But now till this day I try very hard to not judge or look a girl up and down based on anything until I get to know her.

    Comment by Loreal Haber — January 11, 2012 @ 6:36 pm

  54. After I had read this article I have to be honest and say some of the things written brought up some terrible memories of middle school that I would like to forget about. It too has left a foul taste in my mouth till this day. 8th grade in particular I remember wanting to fit in and be one/friends with the popular girls..I stopped trying and just was just myself and made new girl friends…or so I thought. It wasn’t until too much longer that these girls started to turn their backs on me and ridicule me and tease me. I was a little over weight at thirteen and of course weight it such an easy low blow. I remember not wanting to go to school and endure that. But then one day a girl stuck up for me and made the rest of that year bearable. She totally brought back my trust in girls my age. Once I reached high school I didn’t have any expectations and made great girl friends. Some I stayed friends with, some I didn’t. But now till this day I try very hard to not judge or look a girl up and down based on anything until I get to know them.
    It’s nice to see in this article women getting together and rejoicing in the sisterhood.

    Comment by Loreal Haber — January 11, 2012 @ 6:38 pm

  55. I agree with this article because I am women and I know that most women have jealous, competitive, back-stabbing, smack-talking as mean girls. When I was in junior high school, I knew that these ideas and I had an experience even now. Many girls are jealous about friendship, beauty, luxurious thing and man but they pretended they are not. They are having fake relationship. So when I had this experience, I felt very bad about female and I don’t want like this kind of relationship. Someday, I just am having relationship with male. It is not a “lover” just friend as women. It means I don’t like women, I just more comfortable with different gender. Even now, my best friends are all male. I really enjoyed this article and I learned new ideas between man and women’s relationship.

    Eun Hee Chung – Women’s studies 10

    Comment by Eun Hee Chung — January 17, 2012 @ 9:50 pm

  56. I too have a limited number of female friends. I usually feel excluded because I don’t share the common “feminine” interests in fashion, shopping and makeup. I appreciate this great story about the bonding of women. However, this bonding was made possible by the setting which was artificial in two ways – the lack of men and the self-selected gathering of women with similar interests in yoga and nature. I wonder what the situation would have been like if there had been a man or a shopping mall present. Would you all have bonded and reaffirmed the feminine? Or would all of the jealousy and cattiness come out as you each vied for male attention? Would you have bonded to the same depth if your time had been spent contemplating the lipstick at the cosmetic counter of the shopping mall instead of in the desert contemplating nature. Sisterhood is important but I think the biggest test is if we can cultivate it in a “mixed” group in a setting approximating the real world and not just in a single-gender setting isolated from the pressures and distractions of the “real” world.

    Comment by SandraR — January 17, 2012 @ 10:01 pm

  57. There is a word that woman’s inhumanity to woman. I agree with this word and this blog. I’m a woman but I’m not that like to get women together. It’s because I know women’s common habits. They never show their emotion to others and they praise others to their face. Women have strong jealousy and envy and they also have great eagerness for beauty. These would be stupid stunts or would be must-have desires for women. These stereotypes have been made by mass media. The power of media is the greatest than people expected. Many things that are portrayed by mass media quickly get through people’s mind. It becomes a stereotype made by society. Therefore, women’s images on TV or internet are portrayed as limited images such as sisterhood is pretense. I’ve learned and felt many things again about woman through your blog.

    – Youjung An, Women’s Studies 10

    Comment by Youjung An — January 17, 2012 @ 10:20 pm

  58. I think that it is important to develop friendships with other not only the same sex but the opposite as well. It makes life more interesting and people are more educated in what equality means. Women and men learn from others, and women to women share a bond that shouldn’t be taken for granted by the mean girls out there.

    Comment by Alexandria S — January 18, 2012 @ 12:05 am

  59. After learning about patriarchy in my women studies class, I have learned the importance of why women should not be afraid of each other. By beginning to organize themselves to achieve a common goal such as equal women rights, women could be able to achieve great things. Misogyny, the hatred towards women should not be practice by women themselves. I have always been able to get along with girls and have been able to form great lasting friendships that have helped me benefit in many positive ways. I have been guilty of looking at other girls and deciding that I do not like them even though I don’t even know them, and I strongly believe this is due to the way the media portrays female friendships such as “mean girls,” and frienemies. The sisterhood is definitely still alive.

    Comment by ValerieSSS — January 19, 2012 @ 10:08 am

  60. I do agree that the media gives a negative out look on women and their friendships. not everything you see in the media is always true. i have been in friendships where i was backstabbed by both females and males but you just have to believe that everything happens for a reason. not everyone is sneaky and backstabbing like that. a true friendship is when it will remain there till the very end no matter what.

    Comment by Jonteen R — January 19, 2012 @ 2:04 pm

  61. “Sisterhood is (Still) Powerful” was so touching to me. I realized that I also tend to hold a type of “grudge” towards women. It is so automatic when you meet another woman that you have feelings race through you like, “Does she think she’s better than me?” “Am I prettier than her?” “What does she have that I don’t have?” and so forth. Never when I meet a man do these types of sucpicious and jealous thoughts go through my head. Why is that? After reading this post it opened my eyes that I am not the only one who is uneasy when first meeting other women. It is like we have been trained in competition mode. I have had a few bad experiences with other women, but they could be counted on one hand only, but somehow I still feel as if every woman is out to steal my man, my career, my life. When I come to think about it more, it is so sad that myself and other women feel this way! In reality I would never do anything to another woman to sabotage her life, so what makes me think all other women have that intention? Our culture has taught us to be weary of other women, but really women are the only other people that can share our gender oppression. Men are really the dominant and powerful people in today’s culture. This post was honestly reassuring to me that not all women are out to get me and that I just need to be more welcoming and judgment free. I do have a handful of close girlfriends but I’m sure if I start to open my heart more to other women that that list could grow and it would be nothing but beneficial to me because all women needs a fellow sister to just talk and relate to. I think it’s time to set up a weekend for the girls! We may not go on a woman’s retreat to the desert but I think some bonding time could be just as rewarding. – D.O.

    Comment by Destiny O — February 3, 2012 @ 6:39 am

  62. I completely agree with the media making women seem more mean and deceitful. The media can make anything into a drama story just to get the attention of drama seekers. Although I have had my experiences with many women and the backstabbing, I must say, I have to come to a point in life where everyone deserves a second chance. Most of my friends were male also, but one of my oldest best friends is a female. I have come to learn that when women come together in a meeting or as a group, it is very powerful and spiritual and should be done so weekly or monthly, if possible. In doing that, you not only get to share about yourself and what you’ve experienced, but also listen and focus your attention on someone else’s experiences that might be similar to yours, quite different, or the exact thing you needed to hear.

    Comment by Salina G — February 4, 2012 @ 10:02 pm

  63. I agree that the media brainwashes many into seeing the negative relationships women have with one another. I believe sister hood is powerful to me because at every point in life women needs encourage and spiritual growth so that they can support each other’s. Yes a point in my life I had friends that are backstabbers but I totally believe to forgive. It can be very hurtful when you lose a friendship. I honestly think that isn’t right. If they’re true friends they should support you and they shouldn’t be mean. In society there is a lot of Friendship that I’ve seen for my own eyes that are physically strong. I have many friends but not all of them are true friend, therefore a true friend is someone you can count on to laugh with you, cry with you and be there for you through good times and bad.

    Comment by Tiffany M — February 5, 2012 @ 5:16 pm

  64. True sisterhood at it’s finest

    Comment by Lindsey — February 5, 2012 @ 6:47 pm

  65. This article was rather eye opening for me. While I have thought of myself as a feminist, I thought it was because I was more part of the boys club. I was an athlete, out sold an all male sales floor, usually hung out with the boys rather than other women. I have taken gender women’s studies classes and doing this comment for an assignment for another course on gender and sex, but it was not until I read this that I realized that I have not been a feminist. I have adopted the patriarchal social gender roles so deeply that I did not realize that I was hating my own gender. I was more proud to be like the boys than the girls, often saying that “I am not your typical woman.” I am going to take the opportunity to read some material from the authors Rianne Eisler and Marija Gimbutas.

    Over the past few months, I have been thinking how I needed a girl friend (not in a sexual way, but a true friend). I hope that I can also start on a journey to release some of the patriarchy hold on my “mind, body, soul, and female relationships.”

    Comment by J. Prock — February 5, 2012 @ 10:14 pm

  66. As I was reading this article, I remembered the times I judged another girl without knowing her. Girls have to be girls. We always tend to sometimes feel jealousy towards other girls, we tend to think in our minds “oh she is this, she is that, oh look at how ugly she looks with this, she looks like a bitch, ratchet, a whore” and what not, but why? Because of that same jealousy we sometimes feel towards other females that we do not know, which in my opinion is a normal behavior that many women have at the beginning when they are introduced to a female that they do not know, but this changes. As women get more familiarised with other females, their perspectives change, as mentioned in the article, they tend to think differently which is great because as mentioned above it brings sisterhood. Sisterhood to me is a great thing to have because as women we get the opportunity to communicate with people from your same sex, you have more connection and you feel much more confident. Sisterhood is just amazing!

    Comment by Yesenia O — February 6, 2012 @ 12:01 am

  67. I am jealous that you had such a memorable communion with an amazing group of women, fellow feminists. I am (have been) constantly yearning for some sort of sisterhood that I wasn’t able to find in my in-group. And I am slowly cultivating my own sisterhood outside of the so-called in-group with friends, mentors, and big-sister figures. I cannot wait until I muster all my female friends at one place and be able to commune at a spiritual level and heal each other’s wounds by sharing our own stories just the way you did. Though I grew up like a tomboy, I always had more female friends and I still do have more female friends than male friends. But the funny thing is those few childhood friends I am still in contact with right now are mostly male. So I am thinking to myself, did I unconsciously prefer and value being part of the “boys club.”? And my friends now and then are considered to have exhibit more “boyish,” and/or “masculine” characteristics and personalities than “girlish” and/or “feminine” attitudes.(Of all, I am the most “masculine” one.)

    Comment by Jin Min — February 6, 2012 @ 11:19 pm

  68. After reading this article I remember the time when in High school girls were mean to each other, and if they did not liked each other they would say derogatory things about each other and call each other names. What really got my attention is that many girls today refer to each other as “bitch”. I remember that in High School even friends called each other “bitch” when saying high to each other. The funny part about it is that when guys would call them “bitch” they would get offended and mad about it. After reading this article I have realize that is us women who put each other down and sometimes we do it without thinking how bad it looks not only for ourselves but for society. It took me and the girls in my generation in High School a semester to learn that there was more to female or a woman than just the name itself. After taking a class by the name of Becoming a Women the girls and I understood that instead of putting each other down and calling each other names we could work together to create a better generation of women and understanding that women are smarts, creative and loving. By reading this article I realize that not only media has a major influence on how they portray women but also how women themselves portray each other. The best part of this article is that it shows that a woman can have other woman as her unconditional friend and that women in general can have other females as a best friend regardless of their skin color, race and age.

    Comment by Maria Navarro — February 7, 2012 @ 6:34 pm

  69. I was able to relate to this article as soon as I started reading it. It is true that all we see in popular movies and tabloids is competition between women for male attention. But the reason that these movies are so popular or that these magazines put these headlines on their covers is because this is what we experience in society around us, they are simply portraying what actually happens and therefore it is easy to draw us in. Like you said I too have had many negative experiences with girls and I always found it sad that I was not able to maintain a close friendship with girls that did not end in backstabbing or “trash talking” for the desire of boys. I believe that we as women need each other and should focus more time on empowering one another instead of knocking each other down or critiquing each other for the attention of males. One thing that really got my attention about the article was the initial question because immediately when you asked “What do you get when you take 12 women of different ages, races, sizes and socioeconomic classes and place them in a large dome in the desert?” I automatically thought disaster and a lot of fighting and that is a sad reality. It is unfortunately true that catfights and competition for men are a part of our society and these realities affect our same sex friendships in a negative way, but this article simply stresses and magnifies for me the importance of valuing every woman for what we can teach one another and learning to empower rather then challenge each other.

    Comment by Melissa M. — February 8, 2012 @ 11:57 am

  70. I can honestly say that I too have felt that it is cool to be a part of the “boys club,” that I cannot stand girls who are bitchy and talk behind each others back and proudly say that I am not one of THOSE girls. I do believe that some girls are like that but without trying to change my way of thinking as a women I only hurting myself and my fellow females. I agree with Melanie in saying that we cannot judge and hold grudges against these women when we are women as well, we are internalizing our own oppression and keeping those women and ourselves exactly where we are instead of trying to form healthy relationships with other women to show that women can be true friends. By doing this we can surpass the stereotype of being “mean girls” and prove that women are strong enough to have lasting, healthy, true friendships together.

    Comment by Jessica Serrano — February 11, 2012 @ 10:09 am

  71. I thoroughly enjoyed this article on many levels. First off, it is relatable. Most of my friends are males for the exact reason that females are often competitive and back-stabbing like the article suggests. They can be very catty and not pleasant to be around. No one wants to be involved in drama and girls are often the source of it all. However, at the end of the day, girls need each other. Girls can discuss things to each other that cannot be discussed with males – private girl things! We need someone we can lean on and vent to. I also agree that the media plays a huge role in the way women are portrayed. We cannot always believe what we see on television and read in a magazine, so of course the media can be known to skew things. It is important to have an equal balance and develop relationships with men and women on some sort of level. I enjoyed reading about this experience, it is something that will stick with me for a while!

    Comment by Jenna L — February 11, 2012 @ 5:57 pm

  72. How wonderful to have a safe space with other women. I think it has become rare not just because we live in a society where fighting among women is prized but because we women are becoming increasingly independent of the need for relationships with other women. With our busy work, school and family schedules it leaves us aggravated and hungrily clawing back any time that we could spend nurturing healthy relationships with others.

    This article reminded me of a conversation I had with my mother a few years back. A full-time mom and a part-time insurance underwriter, she told me that she had a very difficult time finding friends. She said the only person she truly liked being around was her lesbian best friend, and it was because she felt safe and no competition between the two of them. Competition for what? My mom was married and devoted to her kids, and NEVER left the house to do anything fun. My mom couldn’t understand why other women felt that she would steal their boyfriends away from them?

    I think beyond the reality shows that plague our airwaves are the news articles we are bombarded with on cheating spouses. A decade later we are still discussing poor, barren Jennifer and the sexpot baby-maker Angelina who craftily stole Brad. Fear is being struck into our hearts. We need more of these safe havens in our lives, where we not only are fearful of interaction and sharing in a sisterhood, where we don’t blame other women or feel starved for respect and love.

    Comment by Noel L. — February 12, 2012 @ 9:34 am

  73. When I was in high school there was no internet or CNN or much of anything that was highly profiled that affected me directly as young child, in regard to the media that is, at least nothing I could fully see to understand or identify with as I can see now as an adult. Yet what I can recall was the well ingrained attitudes and gender expectations of a female growing up in Mexican family, my parents spoiled all us but in different ways. They weren’t traditional people per se or authoritative parents, but yet demanded us girls to learn how to cook and clean and not dream or instill education.

    Don’t get me wrong my parents were hard working good nature people and I can’t blame them for what they didn’t teach me, since they themselves had no guidance and came from very poor families.

    What does upset or at least use to is that I couldn’t ever really talk to my parents and I’m sure that still exists today in most if not all American families. My brothers especially the older son was lazy and treated very differently there was no discipline or demand that he do chores and yet he grew up lazy and selfish because of it. What happens in the home for girls in comparison to boys in a hard impact of gender inequality is misogynist and sets us apart from the start as women who need to be there for each other, and now as the media impacts social expectations of men and women, it still teaches us nothing other than a false sense of self, which in turn hurts us emotionally and mentally leaving people out of the circle or to fight among each other and become disillusioned.

    For those women here who have expressed they were able to educate themselves with GWS classes and realize how the media has influenced us to turn us on each other and compete against vanity and superficial life styles. I just can say turn to other females of all ages you can share even the smallest of amount of discourse with, because sometimes those words may seem small but the smallest words can have the biggest meanings as one mans life can touch so many others in so many ways.

    Comment by lindseysegura — February 12, 2012 @ 1:59 pm

  74. I have the same opinion that the media culture brainwashes many people into the relationships women have with each other. I have personally had awful experiences with girls back when I was in high school. Since I was known as a “tomboy”, I obviously had more guy friends than girls. Even though I had a few friends that seem to be “loyal”, I will eventually find out that those friends were the ones that were backstabbing me. This then relates how it’s important to develop friendships with the opposite sex since you get advice and information that might help you in the future. This shows by having a friend of your opposite sex, this can help someone out by receiving different points of view, and having the knowledge to understand the opposite sex points of view. This then leads how women and men can learn from others, and can lead to a successful life by receiving advice from the opposite sex. Even though coming from a women’s point of view, I believe most women believe on having a close girlfriend to rely on by talking about women issues. This can be really hard to find since at times since everyone has a different personality and some women might not feel comfortable just saying there issues to any random women. This concludes how to not have an experience that deals with leaving the mean girls and cat fights.

    Comment by Alicia S. — February 12, 2012 @ 6:42 pm

  75. Sisterhood is (Still) Powerful in itself is a strong and powerful statement. I believe many women have experienced many of the things mentioned in this article. I too, at one point in my life, was one of those girls who said “forget women! I’m hanging with the boys.” At the time boys were so much easier to get along with. The girls were always mean to me and as I look back I realize the meanness was nothing but jealousy. It was not until my freshmen year of college after being forced to share a dorm with three other women, that I took the time to get to know another woman after all of the negative experiences I had with girls in middle and high school. Even in college, I often found myself calling all of my male friends and leaving the girls behind. It was not until I decided to join a sorority that I began to love and appreciate the bond and friendships I had with other women.

    I am sure spending a few days with 12 other women was scary at first but very rewarding in the end. I am especially happy that everything worked out for the best. My first retreat with my sorority sisters did not go very well. Everyone was tense and had their guards up. I don’t think anyone really wanted to get to know each other. The tension is still there but I am developing great bonds with some of my sorority sisters and I am happy that I decided to step out of my own shell and take a chance on getting to know other women. I learned to let the past be the past and create new experiences and memories for the future.

    I appreciate this post because it speaks to all women about things that all women experience at one point or another. It’s honest and straightforward. Most importantly it’s relatable, fun and understanding.

    Takisha B.

    Comment by Takisha B. — February 12, 2012 @ 9:39 pm

  76. This article brought me so many memories of when I was going to grade school and how I use to get bullied by my classmates in elementary. All of them were girls, and they had preferences with other girls. If talked to certain girls I use to get the cold shoulder, they would do pranks on me and belittled me in a group. It was the most horrible experience dealing with other girls of my same class status. It also brings me memories of when I worked in a private company with 7 girls, it was nothing but madness. There was eye rolling, lip smacking, head bobbing, etc…. nobody could do anything right. I look back and reflect on why my attitude was so petty and childish, and why I stoop low to their behavior but I have no real answer to it. It was all a competition against who? Whom might’ve known. We all move on to have our own lives and meet other women as we get older, and we seem to learn from it, because I know that my behavior will never go there again. We have so much influence on the media, television, radio, and magazines to bash on each other’s fashion, make-up, and hair because you have to look a certain way to be acceptable. But in the end we are who we are inside and out, and we must accept each other for who we are.

    Comment by Gloria T. —- February 13, 2012 @ 8:30 p.m.

    Comment by gloria — February 13, 2012 @ 8:32 pm

  77. One of the interesting things that struck me at the very beginning of this article was the comment that it seems common for girls to be in competition with each other with regards to receiving attention from males. I had just read the prologue to the book Communion: The Female Search for Love by bell hooks in which the author describes this plight that women commonly face – the constant yearning for male attention. If I correctly recall, hooks was mentioning that this is a result of the patriarchal system currently in place in which a young woman or girl will seek attention from their father, or oftentimes from other males in place of the father. It’s also disheartening to hear that such a high level of self-esteem is based solely on this facet of their life. Many women don’t have good fathers who give them the attention that they deserve. Does this mean that they should have lower self-worth than another woman who had a better father? These are interesting ideas to think about for me as a male in our society. I am not sure if this is a unique case or if there is a similar dynamic that applies to boys seeking attention from their mothers or other females in her place. Would young women be more affected because of the patriarchal manner in which our society is set up?

    Comment by Logan S. — February 15, 2012 @ 4:37 pm

  78. I’m impressed that you’re already reading Communion and you made the connection between that book and this post, Logan. Good work!

    Comment by Melanie — February 15, 2012 @ 5:32 pm

  79. I can honestly say I do not watch a lot of television seeing as I have no time with working full time, attending school full time and am a single mother but as soon as I read the question of “what do you get when you put all these women together” I immediately saw some type of reality show in the making. This definitely is an effect of the media. I have many friends who say they cannot be friends with girls because of how nosy, moody, jealous etc. they are. After reading this article I can’t help but to be influenced in a lot of the ways I feel about how I have viewed women in the past and from now on. At times when a male at work or anyone I have known has had what I and society consider to have women traits like gossiping I would call them “Viejas”. I have always considered myself a feminist for the most part, but I never thought about the little things I did, though or said that contributed to patriarchy.
    These blogs = eye openers

    Comment by Jessica N — February 16, 2012 @ 11:39 am

  80. I definitely agree with this article in that women are too often portrayed as being catty, mean bitches who always despise each other (it would never be a good episode of Jersey Shore if two Guidas weren’t hysterically screaming at each other) and makes it seem as though peace between a female group is impossible. I have found though, that in my life I am much better at being friends with girls than I am at being friends with guys. I’ve never been part of a “Boy’s Club” and have always, throughout my whole entire life, been with a group of girl friends who rarely ever have drama. Yeah, sure, sometimes there were mean girls in school (more in Middle School than in High School) and I always witnessed drama between girls who hated each other, but girls in real life are nothing like girls on TV. No matter how many “Real Housewives” shows there are, sisterhood will always be very much alive.

    Comment by Lauren B — February 18, 2012 @ 12:36 pm

  81. I have always been one of those women that did not like having a lot of females around. I pride myself in only have a few female friends. I also believe that women can be sneaky, backstabbing, and catty; but this article and other readings have shown me the error in my thinking. I may want others appreciate women, but I have to lead by example by forming a sisterhood and changing my thinking. When women stop oppressing women then those in power will see that we are all on one accord. I know that when I am around women that are goal minded and all on one accord, it is aspiring and makes me want to thrive harder for whatever brings us together.

    Comment by Justine B — February 19, 2012 @ 3:52 pm

  82. I agree the media exploits women, and furthermore portrays them as “competitive, back-stabbing, smack-talking “mean girls.”’ For example shows like The Bachelor, Real World, Bad Girls Club, and Flavor of Love show girls living under one roof continuously fighting with each other, disrespecting each other and cussing each other out. Both shows, The Bachelor and Flavor of Love, show a group of girls fighting for a man’s love. Crazy fights break out on the shows revealing the bitchy and competitive side of girls. In these shows girls also “smack-talk” or talk shit about one another in order to make the other look bad and make themselves look better. I believe that shows like these are truly sad and pathetic. Unlike the writer of this article, I am not guilty of being in the “boys club.” Although I understand that sometimes it is easier to be close friends with boys since girls let jealousy get the best of them, I still believe that sisterhood exists. I personally do not trust most girls, but I am able to say that I have at least one close female friend who does not resemble the characters in these shows.

    Comment by Talia Y — February 19, 2012 @ 4:53 pm

  83. As a 20-year-old woman, the idea that most women are bitches and that men are easier to be friends with is more than familiar. This was the attitude I took on though most of high school and after a few years, by the time I was 18, I learned that everyone is a bitch and most people are a little “off.” After graduation I backed away from most of my friends and kept the two or three closest girl friends I had known for 10+ years and who had truly known me. This article is an amazing way to make others realize that not only superficial friendships between women are unhealthy and unproductive, but also a superficial friendship between ANYBODY is superfluous and more hurtful in the end. As stated in the article, the media emphasizes how cruel and insane women can be towards each other. From Mean Girls to Bad Girls Club to even Sister Wives! How sick and twisted can society get to keep pushing the boundaries and depicting the relationships among females so destructive, malicious, and dysfunctional. It’s time for media to end the battle of the sexes and most importantly the battle of women.

    Comment by Montana C. — February 20, 2012 @ 2:09 pm

  84. I find the reading to be very accurate. Women have definitely been labeled as jealous individuals of one anther, back-stabbers, gossip queens, bitches and individuals that focus most of their time into looking their best-not for themselves, yet, to grab the attention of men. By doing so they show dominance to other women that she is better by looking her best and getting the guy. It is a very shallow and degrading label to be given by society, yet, some women not all do fall into the label. As a child at home I played mainly with the boys that also lived in my complex, because I was more interested in playing sports in the streets then sitting on the grass with the girls playing dolls. My dad had only girls so he would always take us outside to play sports and run around, rarely did he ever sit and play dolls with us. As a young child and as I’ve grown up into an adult I’ve always had issues with girls. For one reason or another a lot of girls didn’t like me-without me actually doing something to them to give them reason to not like me. My dad said as a child I would approach other little girls and ask if I could play with them and they would consistently tell me NO and when I would ask why they would say, “BECAUSE WE DON’T LIKE YOU”. I would walk away and wonder why. My dad would always tell me it was because they were jealous little girls and were intimated, but I never truly understood what he meant by that till I got older. The same issue continued to accrue in high school and followed suit into my adulthood, yet, as I got older I understood what my dad meant by his comment. I ran into a lot of issues with girls not liking me because their boyfriends liked me without me having any knowledge of it or girls not liking the idea that I hung out with the guys more then the girls. I chose to socialize more with guys because I found them to be less attracted to drama, gossip and seemed to have more fun. Today I have a handful of girlfriends because we have very similar interest and I have learned a new type of friendship from having them in my lives. When I’m with them I feel empowered, because I now know that not every women lives up to the stereotypes of a backstabbing whore nor are all of them jealous bitches. I’ve gone through numerous girlfriends, but now I feel lucky to have the group of friends in my life. I like the idea of going away on a trip with other women who vary in age, race and different social class; yet, I guess its safe to say my negative thoughts aren’t completely gone. My goal is to one day not be hesitant to take a four-day trip with a group of women and not have negative thoughts. Rather to view it as a positive experience.

    Comment by Venezia R — February 20, 2012 @ 4:55 pm

  85. I couldn’t agree more that women are depicted in an unfashionable light by the media. Moreover, it is sad to see that the only way “reality” shows can get viewers is by depicting the drama and feud between groups of women, rather than showing films of true feminine culture, such as camaraderie between women and the bonds they can form with one another. Something else, which concerns me, is when some of my female friends tell me that they “don’t like having girl friends, because they are backstabbing”. At first, I would just grin and shrug it off without much thought, but once reading this article, I found that this is simply patriarchy. I find that females are the last thing from “backstabbing” and labeling a whole gender group, as one characteristic is ignorant to say the least. As a matter of fact, I find myself to have more female friends than male friends and never have one of them betrayed myself, or any of my other friends. I believe that if we all went against these stereotypes we could make a big impact on the way genders as a whole are perceived. On the same note, our conceptions on groups of people and how we look at others should change. Never should a group of people be stereotyped simply because of one individual’s characteristics or relationships. For instance, if I didn’t get along with other men it would be wrong to say that all men cant get along.

    Comment by Benjamin B. — February 20, 2012 @ 11:26 pm

  86. Prior to taking my first Women’s Studies class almost two years ago, the definition of a group of women who were “competitive, back-stabbing, smack-talking ‘mean girls’” was the normative idea that I had of women through most of my adolescent years. As the article shows, the media does a good job to make sure they exploit women as having these types of characteristics within pop culture. Eventually, women who are exposed to this idea through film, tabloids, and the media will begin to act that certain way and carry out this idea as a normative fact in life. I will admit I have had my share of prejudgments towards women due to the way they may act, talk, and look. I feel that this is due to the fact that we are socialized into that way of thinking from what we observe in our daily lives and what we absorb from the mass media, hence our internalized oppression to see women as evil. Come to think of it, when I am in a situation that involves all women whom I do not know, I end up having a lot in common with them.

    Comment by Giselle A. — February 22, 2012 @ 12:13 am

  87. As a female myself I have always had friends who are also female but still harbored low key mistrust for women in general. I’m very close to my friends and trust them almost infinately but oddly enough I do sometimes catch myself doubting them and even worse findind myself in competition with them succumbing to random pangs of jealousy in the process. I doubt I am the only women who feels this way and it is becoming more and more apparent that we as the female sex have been conditioned to hate each other. We’re always trying to “out pretty” each other and try to attract more attractive men than the next girl. It is shameful that instead of standing by each other and sending positive energy out we’re busy shit talking each other and secretly hoping for the downfall of the other while men sit on their throne of power and watch us make fools of ourselves. I for one am not necessarily advocating sappy hangouts where we lick spoonfulls of cookie dough and talk about the Kardashians and boys but for us as women to give each other a chance and if we do come across women who fit the bitchy description we’re programmed to expect to keep in mind that there are all kinds of women and if there are bitchy ones out there then there are also nice ones out there as well.

    Comment by Melody S. — February 23, 2012 @ 9:07 am

  88. I have to admit, I definitely have been caught in the trap of judging other girls based on first looks, clothing, and other superficial nonsense. Lately I have begun to catch myself and call myself out when this happens, because most of the time I am proven wrong. When I actually get to know a girl whom I had originally judged, I am usually in for a major reality check because I realize ashamedly that I have not given this person a chance and instead have branded her negatively in my mind. This goes along with what was said about society pitting girls against each other. Girls who grow up believing they are in competition with other girls grow into women who adopt this same belief. The idea that we are internally oppressed as females in a andocentric society is absolutely true, and the effects can be seen all around us. Stopping ourselves from thinking in this way is a vital action that needs to be taken to stop feminine “cat fights,” as it were, and instead band women together as one cohesive group that works together to change the rules of society.

    Comment by Neda D. — February 26, 2012 @ 3:34 pm

  89. Growing up, I had many problems with bullying by other girls at my school. For the longest time I had a preconceived notion about girls in general, and developed a strong wedge between myself and ‘those’ type of girls. I also considered myself one of the guys, and was proud to set myself apart from other females because I thought this would make me unique. However, after taking a step back, and focusing on the big picture, I realized that the only thing I was doing was deliberately setting myself apart from my own people; women. Yet now, I understand what it means to have a meaningful relationship with other women because not all of them are ‘two-faced’, and not all of them are out to get you. Although I had a bad experience, this does not mean that every girl or woman will treat me the same way those four girls did back in junior high school. I would have to agree that these reality shows are not helping the image of women in the least. There are shows, for example Mob Wives, Basketball Wives, and all the Real Housewives of… that are created simply to show the tension and fights between these women. The commercial teasers for these shows mostly include two women, at each other’s throats, screaming about something totally unnecessary. Hopefully these shows will subside like other television trends, however they will leave a stereotype behind.

    Comment by Ryan F. — February 27, 2012 @ 6:50 pm

  90. I feel this article is a good representation of how women really feel about other women’s, and how the media portrays them. Television shows like Bad Girls Club, show girls drinking, fighting, calling each other fat and ugly, and acting like sluts. I personally do not think the media is only broadcasting these images to please men; they also broadcast this to show women how they should be. Many young girls see shows like the Bas Girls Club, Real Housewife’s, and the Bachelor, and want to be like these women.

    Comment by Kevin Moore — March 29, 2012 @ 9:49 am

  91. While reading the article I realized that many of the facts are true and correct. Women tend to come out as “shit-talkers”, jealous, conceded etc. Although some of the characteristics are true about women, not all women are the same. Stereotype plays a role because many people categorize women and they are not all the same. In my experience I have had friendships with womem and I have came to realize that much jealousy exists amongs them and they are a lot of drama. I have also had friendships where they have back-stabbed me, but i have learned to move on and keep my guard up. I have a group of friends and we are realy honest and we value our friendship at all times. It is beautiful to have female friends because you are able to talk about anything without holding back.

    Comment by Maira — April 1, 2012 @ 10:39 am

  92. I can relate to the narrator in this post. For a while and still to this day I feel as though I relate better with the male species rather than the female. I think it is mostly because the type of personality that I have. I am quiet and laid back and most of the females I am around are different from me. I love my friends and I do have a lot in common with them. However, I have always preferred having male friends rather than female ones. The male friends that I do have I am able to be more open with them without worrying about being judged. Females have a lot of jealousy and envious ways which makes it harder to open up to them. A lot of these ways are kept secret. I feel as though the friendship bond between a male and female shows just how close members of the opposite sex can be without any physical attraction. That itself shows just how real a male and female friendship can be. You can get an honest opinion from the opposite sex about how you may come off as a female or a male.

    Comment by Danielle K — April 4, 2012 @ 11:49 am

  93. I think it is very common for women to have a strong hatred toward other females. While I find it ironic, I have learned from my own experience, especially from high school, that girls are bitches. It seems to be a constant battle between women, trying to get all of the same things, making lying and backstabbing seem as if it is a necessary part of the process. Although many girls try to steer clear of other girls, because of the mere fact that us girls are females, we should instead try to bond together. Although we live in a male dominated society, it does not mean that we need to go along with our societies patriarchy way of thinking and go against all of our female allies and befriend the males. It is not only possible, but also more beneficial, to have harmony between females and open one’s own circle of female friends.

    Comment by Julianne Insogna — April 8, 2012 @ 11:14 am

  94. It is refreshing to read posts and blogs about women coming together rather than women degrading one another. I can relate to the “mean girl” statement and that girls do not have many friends, they have many “frenemies”. In high school, I was associated with a pretty large circle of girls. I did not realize until I left high school that those people (except for two) were never my friends. There was constant backstabbing and trash talking that it is almost embarrassing to even talk about. What is most pathetic is that majority of our dismal disputes were about the boys who were around us. It always had to do with a boy hooking up with a girl, when he was supposedly seeing another girl. Of course the original girl always forgave the boy, but never would forgive her friend. Degrading names like sluts, bitch and whore became common words used among our group. After leaving high school, the two friends I had known since before high school—the ones who already knew me and I knew them, were the ones that stayed around and remind me that feminine bonding can exist.

    Comment by Catie Smith — April 14, 2012 @ 2:01 pm

  95. I would have to say that I 100% agree with this article in regards to the media portraying an idea that women are unable to get along and be friends; perfect example is the movie “Mean Girls” with Lindsey Lohan in it. This movie depicts the popular girls that get everything and that all the girls are in the end mean and back-stabbing and competitive when it comes to being with the popular boy. This isn’t the only show that has portrayed females in this point of view, but just one of many that have done this. Personally I grew up having I believe more guy friends than girl friends, but I believe that was because I participated in ROTC, which was mainly something that males did. Though I was friends with the girls that did participate in this program, I didn’t really have many girl friends outside of that. I never said “I’m not friends with girls because they are all bitches”, but I have said that “I don’t have a lot of girls who are friends because they can be too much drama”. I felt that guys didn’t really carry that around with them and that to hang with the guys it was more of a laid back and relaxed thing. I can say that since I’ve graduated high school and grown up some, I have become more open into getting to know females as friends more than males. I think it’s a good thing to have, because females share more in common with each other and I believe it’s always good to have those girls’ nights. I think after moving out on my own into a new city, coming from North Carolina, I’ve realized this even more that those friendships are something that women should have and cherish because it bands the “sisterhood” together and makes female relationships stronger. I believe I still have a lot to learn and more to grow, but after reading this I know that it’s something that I can continue on and that I am on the right path.

    Comment by CandaceR — April 15, 2012 @ 2:58 pm

  96. This sound like something I would love to do with other women. After analyzing the article I realize that from childhood we are thought that other females are our enemies per example Disney movies that teach little girls to compete for the love of the prince charming. We are brought up with the idea that other females are back-stabbing and you should not trust them. As women we need to love, and respect each other.

    Comment by Yuliana R — April 23, 2012 @ 12:35 pm

  97. I agree with you in how you felt a sense of connection with your male friends rather than the girls. It was in high school when I choose to have all male friends too. I hated the idea of being in a girl group who talked about other girls when they were still friends with them. In high school there was nothing but show off stuck up girls fighting for who was more pretty. The attention girls wanted to get from guys sickened me. I could not stand girls who dressed, talked, and walked a certain way so their bodies would tease the guys. I continued having all male friends until my junior year. It was until my senior year I got to know certain females in my class that I thought were pretty cool. They were the type of girls that did not want attention. One thing I noticed was that they were conservative. These types of girls I talked to were interested in school not in how they looked. And then it clicked in my mind, the reason why I did not want girlfriends was because they followed what the media told them was acceptable to boys. Most girls were trying to be like the girls from the magazines and commercials. I hated seeing girls following the trend and for that reason I did not want to talk to them. I was talking to this type of girls because they were like me. I had a deep connection with these girls. When we hanged out we did not talk about clothes, shoes, or boys instead we talked about school subjects and got to know each other better. The media does affect how certain girls think and act leading to the loss of their self-identity.

    Comment by Jovanna G — April 24, 2012 @ 9:34 pm

  98. “I’m only friends with guys, because all girls are bitches.” I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard that before. And every time I would hear someone say that, I couldn’t help but feel sorry for them. How could you say such a thing? Yes, maybe all girls are bitches, but all guys are assholes. I’m not trying to be offensive; I just wanted to point out another stereotype. You can’t just say that because you’ve had one or two bad experiences all the girls you’re ever going to meet is going to eventually backstab you. I think that many girls act this way because of the role society forces on them. But instead of trying to bash one another, we need to step up and face the struggle together. That’s the only way we will ever get anything done. The only way we could ever truly fight for equality. How could you fight for woman’s rights, if you don’t even like women? Both young and older women need to understand how to stand together. We really are a minority. Every day we face prejudice and discrimination, instead of calling each other bitches, can we please fight the injustice together?

    Comment by Melody A. — April 25, 2012 @ 10:55 am

  99. From my experience most young girls crave attention from men and our competition is other young women so we act as the “mean girl” to control our competition. As we get older and realize other women are not the ones we should be fighting we realize they are the ones who we should be closest to. As we grow we like having friends to confide in friends who can understand what we are going through. Taking classes on women studies helps you realize all this much sooner. Building bonds with other women becomes such a beautiful experience.

    Comment by Merri Abramyan — April 25, 2012 @ 3:56 pm

  100. Not all females are evil bitches trying to compete against each other. The media has interpreted us to be so. When I have the ladies over we mostly chit chat about random stuff, work, school, dating, sex, etc. Yes, jealously might drift in once in a while but its never to the point that we are ripping each others hair off. Men too get jealous but the media doesn’t seem to care much for that. After reading this article it made me realize that I miss my girl time.Time to start planning one.

    Comment by Yadira DiSiena — April 25, 2012 @ 10:30 pm

  101. Based on my personal experience I believe that a lot of females tend to imitate unconsciously the cat fight, the trash talking of the same sex, that all my friends are boys notion, and so on. The media influences women on this notion that women don’t get along, weather it’s biologically, jealousy, envy, and for the most part, no particular reason. I think women who stick together rather than isolate themselves from each other is great for the mind, soul, and body. It allows women to express themselves and share common bonds. Women know the physical feeling of being a women (p.m.s, pregnancy, cramps, menopause) in which a man cannot relate. I believe it’s a win-win situation when women unite in a form of sister hood. Expressing yourself to those alike can release a lot tension and stress. I also believe that men should understand and respect the idea sister-hood in the same way women have supported brother-hood.

    Comment by Oscar M — April 26, 2012 @ 12:58 am

  102. It’s unfortunate that patriarchy has vilified, and sabotaged friendship between females. At one time I did believe that women could not hold sincere, true friendships with each other. I was bullied a lot by girls in school, so I purposely stayed away from females, and only made attempts to befriend males. I thought it was cool to tell people, “I only hang out with guys, girls are bitches!” At the time I did not realize that I was contributing to my own oppression. I was hurting my reputation as a woman, and I was playing into the portrayal of females in the media. Perhaps girls are socialized to not trust each other, and treat each other in manipulative ways. When the media is constantly replaying the same theme over and over again, individuals are bound to believe it and act accordingly. In college I was fortunate to make amazing females friends, friends that fulfilled me spiritually, and friends that I could personally relate to. Sisterhood should be practiced by all females. My girlfriends have been by my side, and helped me through personal struggles. They have warmed my heart, and have helped me grow as a person.

    Comment by Deirdre D. — April 27, 2012 @ 12:39 am

  103. it’s a shame how women get over one guy. Best friends turn into arch rivals over some man that eventually leaves them both and searches for something else. A true female friendship that surpasses the influences of patriarchy is a friendship that most likely won’t be forgotten. Sadly, recently i “dumped” my best friend. Her and I had been best friends for 4 years, and we had been through hell and back. However, when we were friends, we always advised each other to the best of our abilities. I always adviced her against her incessant bed hopping, and she always listened to my pradles on men and how idiotic they can be. No man ever got in the way of us, for we knew that no man would ever substitute our bond. Friendship between two friends, true friendship, won’t end up in the trash can over a man.

    Comment by lucero Medrano — April 29, 2012 @ 5:18 pm

  104. I am guilty of being critical and judging other girls before I know them. I think girls tend to compare themselves to other girls and see if they measure up, making us harsher on our own sex than towards men. There is the phrase that when we dress up it is not to impress guys, it’s actually to show off to other women. There is so much pressure for us to look good at all times, so I think women compare their appearance to others. I know I have seen girls and thought I want their style, hair, body, etc. When we are constantly told that our highest value is our looks, it is hard not to compete with other girls and constantly feel like you are not good enough. I look to my girl friends for everything. They mean the world to me and I know they will always defend and support me. It is sad that so many girls have “frenemies” or girls that they consider friends but talk so much trash about and secretly dislike or try to compete with. Shows like “Gossip Girl” promote this idea of girls just being competitive and trying to one up each other. The main character is called the queen of the school and harasses and severely judges all the girls’ clothes and overall lifestyle. I have also heard a lot of girls say that they only hang out with guys because girls are too much drama. I agree with that on some levels because there are dramatic girls, but guys can be dramatic in different ways. The girls I hang out with are as drama free as you can get, it all depends on who you hang out with, and you don’t have to limit your friendships to one sex. The idea of this retreat sounds really nice just to be away from the world and find peace with yourself and with other girls. We live in such a critical world it is a shame that we can’t even find a safe place in fellow girls.

    Comment by Samantha H — April 29, 2012 @ 6:55 pm

  105. I’ve always thought that women are realistically portrait in the media. Most TV shows show women as being jealous of other women or just plain mean. Even in the real world if women are surrounded by me they will act a different way than they do among their girlfriends. They might do things that may only be to appeal to men. They might act mean to other women just so men can feel wanted. The media makes women think that the only way they can be noticed in life if they compete with other women and show signs of a mean character. They engrave the idea that it is okay to act like this. I think that it is really beneficiary to have retreats like this that allow women to act the way they really feel. It must be very liberating not to always have to be on edge with other women. The fact that it is an only women retreat make sit that more special because they don’t have the constant pressure from men to act like the typical bitchy woman.

    Comment by Teresa H. — April 29, 2012 @ 9:53 pm

  106. I can relate to this article because I am like that myself towards females. I don’t necessarily think all females are bitchy, back stabbers etc. but ones that I have encountered always made me rethink how I view certain females. I feel like some females will only be your friend just to get the inside gossip or get closer to someone you like or even to become a part of your life just to use some secretive information you once shared with them against you. Guys are no different from females as I can see they do the same thing females do but don’t involve to much feeling. I have a small circle which includes a small amount of girls and guys not more than the other , but my best friend I’ve known for 13 years and my sister who I’ve known my whole life are closer to me. So if I girl wants to be a back stabber, gossip teller she can because at the end of the day I only share my stories with two main people in my life and if my secrets ever got out I know it was either my best friend or sister , my sisterhood with them is greater than any friendship.

    Comment by Kayla Ainsworth — April 30, 2012 @ 1:23 pm

  107. It does not surprise me that she felt the way she did when she was younger. From an early age, men are the golden children that seem to have more privileges and freedom. At younger ages, I feel that women fight for attention from the boys due maybe the neglect from their father. As women get older the unions grow stronger due to the experiences from the past. They are capable of relating to each other better, and thus, creating a bond that would be hard to break. Many individuals are oblivious to the feminism or the mindset of females. I myself have not even thought of feminism until college. Until individuals are educated on it, they will remain in the dark.

    Comment by PhilipW — April 30, 2012 @ 5:22 pm

  108. This article describes me so well. Through out high school I was the girl who wasn’t friends with a lot of other girls because I felt they were bitchy and too snooty. I always hung around boys because I felt that they wouldn’t judge me for what I wore or for who I was. I’m not a girly girl so I felt that other girls wouldn’t accept that. It wasn’t until I got to college and joined a sorority, which no one saw coming, that I realized that not all women are mean and too stuck up to be a good friend. I have met amazing women who are understanding and some of the smartest people I’ve ever met. They don’t judge me for being myself and have always been welcoming. Ironically, I have way more female friends than male friends now and I couldn’t be happier.

    Comment by Michelle A. — April 30, 2012 @ 7:36 pm

  109. This article is ironic to my own personal beliefs. I went thru a stage where I believed that i would be “cooler” surrounded by men instead of women. Even the men I knew in my life would say to me, “why are women always hating on one another?” I assumed they were just right that women are just not meant to get along. But the reality is the we are meant to get along. It is just that we are taught that we need to compete with one another for the attention of men. I have never forgotten the statistic of the ratio of men to women something like 7:1. Of course the more I learn about how society oppresses women then I realize we are simply have been set up. So reading this article makes me smile because i realize we need to stop believing some of the things we were taught as children.

    Comment by Esmeralda Martinez — April 30, 2012 @ 10:10 pm

  110. Women i feel can be portrayed as catty and a mean girl therefore some women feel at a young age girls can be mean and sometimes that tends to be true. In my own personal experience I have never had problems with girls until recently and i have seen how some girls out of revenge and jealously can act in an immature and bad manner and it is hard to trust certain women. But i have became very close to s good group of girls i just think you need to be careful with who you pick as friends and treat then how you want to be treated. I am glad to hear that their are retreats that have a positive side of what a women really is.

    Comment by Denisse Teutla — April 30, 2012 @ 10:38 pm

  111. This story I believe most young girls can relate through because most have been bullied or overwhelmed by this “mean girl” problem. In high school, I saw it all the time. Girl’s would hate girls for no apparent reason or bully girls who they felt threatened by. It was an ongoing cycle of women belittling one another to make themselves feel better about themselves. It’s a very sad scenario because it just becomes a drama and a show for the men who sit back and watch it.Girl’s need to embrace one another before hating right away,it seems as if the media and society have taught us negative values of friendship.

    Comment by Ally P — April 30, 2012 @ 11:07 pm

  112. This article really struck a cord with me, I completely identified with the belief that as a young girl it was cool be part of the “boys club”. I would always take pride in saying that I was a “guy’s girl”, growing up it was just my four brothers and me so I was raised to emulate men. I would always make sly comments that girls were “catty” and having guy friends was so much less “drama”. However after reading this article it really opens my eyes to how society belittles women and even as young girls we are to take pride in identifying and even associating with boys. Girls are taught to impress the boys, where boys are taught that girls have “cooties”. If this isn’t an example of patriarchy and misogyny, then I don’t know what is. I absolutely love how the authors brings these issues to light and highlights the negative way girls are socialized to view themselves.

    Comment by Scarlett G — May 1, 2012 @ 9:22 am

  113. It’s so easy to hang with the guys. They make it easy from the beginning by “just being friendly” in their attempt to flirt and get our attention. I can relate to enjoying being a part of the “boys club”, but ultimately…just recently, I’ve learned I cannot fully connect with my guy friends like I can with my girl friends. Still, it is difficult for me to begin knew friendships with girls, even as acquaintances on friendly terms. I admit that I do assume girls will be snobby which unintentionally leads to me being snobby before fully getting to know this person. This leads to girls talking to other girls about how snobby girls are. Though I acknowledge my participation in this cycle, I keep coming across more snobby/caddy girls to reinforce, that of course, girls are going to be snobby until proven otherwise. The involvement of having frenemies is just annoying to me. With the Facebook stalking and gossip from mutual friends, it appears to be so in depth and time consuming but actually seems like girls enjoy it, enjoy the drama and criticizing other girls. I believe the caddiness and frenemies are the result of our own insecurities and always comparing ourselves to others to see how we measure up.

    Comment by Jessica C — May 1, 2012 @ 8:06 pm

  114. Yes, I agree that I have done this plenty of times. I am not a fan of hanging with girls, because we love to talk. I already have trust issues and problems with expressing myself. I do not have to worry about so much gossip, hatred, and phony acting people when I’m with guys. Although i do believe that guys talk too, hate, and act phony but not like women. I do not feel like women can’t hold a good relationship or friendship. I also believe that it is possible to have a lot of different women in one place without it being hectic. I love women. I date them, and i have no problem with them. But some of our personalities do not click just like with a guy. I am not your typical girl. I am not girly, I play sports, and I get all the guys. “How does that work?” Is what people such as girl girls wonder. “How does this girl who barely shows off her body & plays sports get the guys & the girls. So, when women showed jealousy i became not liked and it was okay with me. But, that is why i stuck with hanging with guys for the most part. We liked the something, we had more than just guys or my problems to talk about, I played sports and i also played video games. I am too blunt and sarcastic for some women. They also find me intimidating for some strange reason.

    Comment by Bri Davis — May 2, 2012 @ 6:29 pm

  115. Its very true that when different types of women get together drama and many other things can happen, women can come of as dramatic and superficial and even bitchy but that is not always the case. I love to see how woman can relate to each other with out been jealous of one another or with out having negative feelings for each other. I personally have had only one bad relationship with a particular friend which to me she was just to needy and this is and can be a problem among women. The idea that a women needs someone specially a man is all a socialization of our patriarchy society. We have to keep in mind all of this factors and not be so quick to judge a woman. Besides that one bad relationship with this girl I have had nothing but positive relationships with women who have thought me a lot and from who i have learned nothing but positive things.

    Comment by Juana Vitela — May 2, 2012 @ 11:08 pm

  116. What an amazing observation. You see this “cattiness” with females all the time within our society. Girls especially through their adolescent phases are very cruel and form cliques at school discriminating against other girls for no real reason. They come up with harsh rumors about each other, and only further support men when they call each other “whores” or “bitches.” The media is largely responsible for this sort of behavior that has since become acceptable, and it is such a shame to see other girls bashing on each other for male attention. Young girls are subject to l viewing trashy reality shows such as “The Jersey Shore” or “Basketball Wives” that promote girl fights. The message that these girls are receiving only supports such behavior and ultimately sends out the wrong messages. Because of such treatment many women receive from other women, it is common to seek acceptance within a group of males. This is totally acceptable, but until our society can stir away from such “catty” relationships, we all suffer. It is very important that women stick together, especially since we are still considered a minority.

    Comment by Lyndsay Porchas — May 3, 2012 @ 3:40 pm

  117. Thank you for this brilliant article! I must admit that I watch a lot of shows and assume that women do not get along well with each other by default. I’t fun to read a story about 12 women who accomplished in diverse areas of life coming together to enjoy the company of one another, and it is a positive experience. It forces me to admit that sometimes I can be self-destructive simply in my assumptions of how others should or will act. Thanks for this great article to read.

    Comment by Jaeyoon Chung — May 5, 2012 @ 10:46 pm

  118. I really liked this article because I can relate. Growing up, I had a lot of friends who were girls, but I was not really sure if the relationships were fake. As I got older, I hung out with more guys then I did with other girls. A lot of reality shows today such as ‘The Bad Girls Club’, ‘Jersey Shore’ and many others that depicts girls thrown together in a trashy manner. Shows like these give a false image about friendship between girl friends. It gives a negative message.

    Comment by Kristin Singleton — May 8, 2012 @ 3:20 pm

  119. Once I entered high school, I was had more guy friends than girl friends and I am not sure why. The girls would talk to me only when they had to and when they saw me talking to a guy, they would start talking to that guy too. I didn’t care because it showed that they were insecure or something to that nature. Once I got out of high school, I was left with two best friends. Life happened and the connection faded away but I reconnected with the only best friend I had in middle school and high school. I have two sisters but our relationship is not so strong because of personal problems that happened. I sometimes wish that I could have a strong bond with my sisters and have more girl friends but I am happy with the one I have now. I am happy that there are these retreats that allow women to go and meet other women that are different from them and learn from each other. I am sure that throughout my life, I will meet women who can relate to me and we will have a strong bond that will connect us forever.

    Comment by Sonia B. — May 9, 2012 @ 9:12 am

  120. I agree with your statement that the media portrays women in negative ways. Growing up I was a tomboy. I mainly had a lot of guy friends because I always believed girls were bitchy and cattily. In high school I only had five girlfriends that I considered to be closed friends; we did not hang out outside of school, which I thought was normal. As I got older and started to date, I felt incomplete. At the time I was part of my high school soccer team, I hardly talked to any of the other girls because I was led to believe that all girls were back-stabber and out to get me. Every day at practice I would see them talking and having fun, while I was at the corner by myself. That was when I realized that I was closing myself off and not allowing girls in because I was told that girls were nothing but drama and many just wanted to back-stab me if given the choice. It wasn’t until I graduated that I become friends with one of the girls of my high school soccer team, which introduced me to the rest of her friends. Even now, I catch myself watching what I say and do round other girls. The image that women are all evil was embedded in me since I was old enough to understand the concept. In this women study class I learned a great deal of patriarchal views and how they affect the way women and men interact in the world.

    Comment by Debora G — May 9, 2012 @ 9:57 pm

  121. I can relate to this article in that I had many guy friends growing up. I, too, thought all women carried that same bitchiness, until I went on my high school (Senior) retreat. I witnessed the oppression of women. Girls shared their personal stories and commonalities, which in the end created a strong bond, a sisterhood if you will.
    I agree with this article, especially when it mentions that society/media puts too much pressure on women to be perfect. I notice this at SMC. The students (both male and female) who attend all look like they just stepped out of a fashion magazine; while I on the other hand arrive in a sweat shirt and pants. Just imagine the money, resources, and time saved if we didn’t have that pressure to be perfect.

    Comment by Mary Marrone — May 9, 2012 @ 10:30 pm

  122. This article I felt was talking right to me. My whole life I have always stated girls are bitches and I would rather be friends with guys. In high school I had just a couple true girlfriends, every other girl I talked to I felt like I had to be fake with and that they were being fake back. When I got a boyfriend and all my guy friends started disappearing as well as my relationships with all girls. I knew I was missing something and that was my girl’s nights out. I needed girl friendships which is why when I got to college I joined a sorority. By joining the sorority it helped me to learn that what I have learned from the media about how all girls are bitches was not true. I now have many meaningful relationships with many different girls and I feel happier and more fulfilled. I would love to spend four days with many different women getting to know each other. I think this article is inspiring and is really relatable.

    Comment by Brittany P — May 10, 2012 @ 5:41 pm

  123. When I was in high school, the student body was composed of about 50% white and 50% various ethnicities (black, asian, mexican, etc). You would imagine that kind of student body to be exactly like the movies you see with snobby girls filing their nails as they walk through the halls, or combing their hair during lunch time, and especially getting into cat fights over boys. But in reality, women are not like that at all. I think that the media has in a sense “brainwashed” girls and women to grow up thinking that every single female is a bitch and they need to keep their guard up. Being a male, I cannot completely relate, but I think women can get along well if they tried.

    Comment by Jason Guanlao — May 10, 2012 @ 6:12 pm

  124. Fortunately, I grew up with a solid group of 4 girlfriends whom had no interest in being catty with one another. These women have always been and continue to be my rock. While I’ve been blessed in those relationships, I too have seen the ugly side of friendship with certain women. While movies like “Mean Girls” and tv shows like “The Bad Girls Club” only emphasize the bitchiness, it is not unfounded. I’ve seen the way girls mistreat each other and am not suprised why so many refuse to have friendships with other girls anymore. This article brings light to something that is too rare, but when it is found it is a beautiful thing. Sisterhood truly is powerful, it should be celebrated and strides should be made to make it more common.

    Comment by Sophia S. — May 10, 2012 @ 10:09 pm

  125. This was a GREAT read. I can honestly appreciate women who take the time to understand what society has tried to accomplish by turning women against each other. This only makes it easier for men to control women and increase patriarchy. I used to be one of those girls who always said “I don’t have any female friends; girls are bitchy”, although I have nine sisters. I did not always get along with girls, but somewhere between the end of high school and the beginning of my freshman year in college, I learned that the disconnection between women was only making patriarchy stronger and allowing the devaluing of women. If you dislike women and you are a woman, then you dislike yourself. It’s really that easy to put things into perspective. Instead of bonding with men to fill that void of not having any girlfriends, I attempted to reach out to one woman at a time and search for the reasons that women say they “hate” each other. I have found that most of these reasons revolve around men. The competition of gaining the attention of men draws women away from each other. It is much better to bond with other women and discover things about yourself from other women rather than leaning on a man for temporary gratification. Additionally, learning about misogyny has further put things into perspective for me. Why would I be in favor of this behavior when I am a woman? I understand that misogyny is an attack against me regardless of whether it is directed to me or another woman. Learning about things such as misogyny motivates me to gain more female friends because it helps me understand women and the harsh realities that we endure.

    Comment by Britjette M. — May 11, 2012 @ 8:07 pm

  126. I could relate when the author states, “I’m not friends with girls. All girls are bitches. I’m just friends with guys.” This is exactly how I think and what I do. After reading this blog I realize that we women are always against each other. Even though I always prefer to have guy friends rather than girl friends I never really paid attention to that choice. I have to make a change and give having a friendship with girls a chance. I have to be able to trust them and not have negative ideas of the friendship. I always say that girls are always competing against each other and full of drama. Girls should definitely read this article so that we can unite and be stronger individuals and group wise.

    Comment by Tanya G. — May 11, 2012 @ 10:38 pm

  127. As I began reading this article, I felt that I could so closely relate. It wasn’t until I continued to read, that I felt as if my own thoughts were being put in to words. Being close with my father and brother, I always enjoyed doing “boy” things. I was always at the car races, watching hockey, and working on something in the garage. I hated barbies, despised dresses, and couldn’t stand the sight of other girls my age. However, I also didn’t hang out with boys my age. I would say that I just wasn’t interested in being friends with any one “outside of my social circle.” I continue to be this way, today. I have a few female friends and will occasionally go shopping or to lunch with them. As much as I enjoy their company, I find myself to prefer just hanging out at home with my family and my boyfriend, whom I’m really close with. My point is that I do not think that I have a particular preference of male friends over female friends, rather I would prefer “doing my own thing” over having many friends.

    Comment by K — May 11, 2012 @ 11:04 pm

  128. Sisterhood is still powerful and alive today. But I do agree that pop culture, media and tabloids “brainwash” people to believe that women are all catty, competitive, and back stabbing towards each other. Examples of this are reality TV shows such as “Bad Girls Club”. “Bad Girls Club” is a reality TV show which has 6 female cast members who live together in a house. They demonstrate their hatred towards each other through psychical and verbal fights as well as talking behind each others back. This type of media depicting women’s interaction with one another can lead other females into wanting to be part of the “boys club”. I also believe this is true because many women have had their share on bad relationships with other women and only want men as friends, thinking it’s a “cool” thing to do. Even though women may experience “friendships” with other women that don’t always end on a positive note, it doesn’t mean that true sisterhood cannot be reached. I believe there is a true “sister” for every female and that not all friendships with another female will be the same and will not always end up bad either. Women shouldn’t be competitive, but should support one another through each others life.

    Comment by MaryD — May 12, 2012 @ 12:16 am

  129. I could not agree more about the stereotypes that are made about women and their friendships. I had always heard stories of girls saying they were back stabbed and betrayed by their loyal friend, and this had always made me wonder, “Can I trust another woman?” It was not until I joined a sorority that I truly found the answer to my question. When I decided to rush I was scared of everything I had heard about the sorority life. I heard countless stories about how “Greek girls don’t have a strong sisterhood” and how they were all “fake.” This clearly made me hesitant but I still gave it a try. Hands down it was one of the best decisions of my life. . Just like Melanie found a long lasting friendship and reassurance in Rita I found that in my sorority in this sorority I found the true meaning of friendship. I found a group of intelligent, charitable, outgoing women that supported me through everything. They support me and love me for whom I am. No two girls are completely alike in my sorority. We all come from different backgrounds, ethnicities, cultures, and values but we all hold one common bond which is our house. The bond I have with these women has proven to me that all the stereotypes I heard about them were lies. In contrary our sisterhood is extremely strong and their love is immense. We have late night movie nights talking about boys and even, believe it or not sometimes about politics, either way I cherish every moment of it. We break the stereotypes that women cannot be friends. I not only gained friends, sisters, best friends but I already compiled a list of women that I know will one day be my bridesmaid. This belief that women are just catty and “mean girls” is just another problem women have to face in patriarchal world if we ever want to change the system. We cannot be a force if we are not united and supporting each other. So let us not fear friendship and sisterhood but embrace it.

    Comment by Mariela P — May 12, 2012 @ 12:52 am

  130. Reading this piece, especially the statement: “I felt privileged and cool to be part of the ‘boys club,’” I couldn’t help but to think of my self. Although I feel it was my socialization and upbringing ( I was an extreme Tomboy) that attracted me and made me feel more comfortable to hang out with the boys, not necessarily because I thought all girls were “bitches.” Nonetheless, I connected with this author in the lack of female friends. But I see a lot of this, girls not liking other girls or rejecting the idea of “sisterhood.” Whatever the reason is, jealousy, lack of interest or connection, I’ve learned that it is important for sisterhood to strive, and that the bonds women share are stronger than any male-female friendship. It wasn’t until recently that I stepped out of the “boys club” and started making friendships with other women. It started first with my sister, and then onto my now best friend. If it weren’t for these two, I would have never felt the type of love, acceptance, tenderness and connection I feel from my relationships with them. The article made a good point in that pop culture propels and instigates feuding and hatred between women. This is detrimental, especially for the youth growing up in this culture that reaches us more how to hate and disdain each other rather than accepting and tolerating one another.

    Comment by Anndrea Anderson — May 13, 2012 @ 12:30 am

  131. As I read this article I realized there are many true points to this, however I do not think they apply to just women. Women could be overwhelming in the way they want to achieve male attention, but when it gets between two women to fight over one male, in another sense; “Drama”. Younger women will simply be attracted to someone they never thought of approaching just because another girl started to pursue him. Strange, but society has molded them this way.

    Comment by VicG — May 13, 2012 @ 3:17 pm

  132. Women in today’s society are being portrayed as bitichy and we as women tend to light the fire more by believing things like “All girls are bitches. I’m just friends with guys”. By believing and practicing this we are giving more power to patriarchy, we as women need to work together and eliminate this mythical beliefs. It doesn’t help when women call other women bitches a term used by men to refer to women a of lesser value in todays society. If we continue to alienate ourself from other women and follow men will only empower patriarchy more and gender equalities will continue to prosper. Women need to come together and work together in the struggles they share due to their gender.

    Comment by Tania L — May 13, 2012 @ 3:27 pm

  133. I found this post interesting because throughout my life I have encountered girls who have discussed how much they would rather live with guys or how easier it is to socialize with guys than girls. It has almost become something of the norm for girls to dislike other girls. This post did an amazing job at dissecting our culture and identifying the issues behind women in todays society. There shouldn’t be such a discrepancy between how women treat other women and how men treat other men.

    Comment by Masis H — May 13, 2012 @ 6:27 pm

  134. 2. I strongly agree with the article opinion about the media. Media definitely gives a different reputation about women that is not always true. For example,there are some useless shows that only promote sex and give negative messages to women about body images. Messages about women needing to be slim in order to be consider beautiful,which only engages young women to develop eating disorders like anorexia to fit in. It affects millions of young girls today who watch shows like The Bad Girls and Jersey Shore.However, is not only shows, music videos and the song lyrics. For example, the singer Tyga who many of his songs lyrics are very sexual about women and their physical.

    However, I can’t not relate much with just hanging out with boys etc. I personally hangout with only girls and when I was younger I was more close up with boys. I was a very quiet girl who hardly spoke and if I did so was to girls rather then guys. However, as time went by I realize I have a specific amount of girl friends who I speak too and hangout with the most.However, at times I felt I would of liked to have more friendships relations with boys. I do now, and I find it much better due to some experiences with girls as mention they can be dramatic etc. Overall,I feel like every girl needs not only girlfriends,but boyfriends too. It is part of growing as a woman, bonding, and sharing personal feelings about love relationships one might feel like sharing with both genders and getting a feedback from both when a situation.

    Comment by Melissa Avitia — May 13, 2012 @ 6:45 pm

  135. 2. The media is extremely effective in portraying women in a very specific way; a way that is unappealing, superficial, and downgrading. It has a tendency to convey women in a very shallow, vicious, and unwanted manner. Such qualities are sometimes revealed in recent movies where women whine too much, women are “bitchy”, women are too sensitive, too weak, clingy, dependent, or even objectified. We see it in reality TV shows, in music videos, in the cinema, and on the internet. Because we are fed all this venomous and false information, some of it gets infiltrated in the back of our minds, and we tend to reveal this hatred on other women in real life. There is name-calling, there are “frenemies”, and there is jealousy as well as envy. I found out it extremely amazing when the article mentioned that the author felt good about being part of the “boys club” because she could not seem to get along with women, because I’ve seen this in myself before. Why does it feel good to have guy friends to get along with, to be accepted as one of “the guys”? If we took the time and effort to approach our relationships with women in a more optimistic and loving way, we could potentially see the birth of beautiful friendships that will nourish our well-being and happiness. Everyone, regardless of sex, is capable of being a special someone, a special friend in our lives, and if we begin by not letting preconceived notions and ideas affect us, we could see people for who they really are…and that in itself is beautiful.

    Comment by Soraya L. — May 13, 2012 @ 6:47 pm

  136. I can absolutely relate to this article. Yes, the media and pop culture does portray women as crazy, back stabbing, heartless mean girls out to win the attention of the current heartthrob. Perfect example, Mean Girls Club. I too, have had my fair share of brushes with these mean girls who, for no apparent reason, were competing with me while I was unaware of it. I have a select number of female friends that I keep close that I know are truly there for me. It’s hard in this day and age to find a good friend, be it male or female. It seems like many people are always looking to gain something other than a true friendship.

    Comment by Avery G — May 13, 2012 @ 7:08 pm

  137. When reading this article it really made me feel good because i really felt where the writer was coming from. Although, I dont know how it feels to be a female and deal with the drama the author explained, I do understand where the author is coming from because I am a basketball player. When joining new teams it is sometimes diffcult beause everyone wants to prove that they are the better player. However, as we bein to play as team we all realize that we are not in competiton with one another and the team plays better. Just as the author learned to have healthy friendships with other females, I have learned to be a better teammate.I really enjoyed reading this post it because the author learned to be better person and friend. Great article.

    Comment by Vincent McGhee — May 13, 2012 @ 9:25 pm

  138. In my opinion the article, Sisterhood is (Still) Powerful, briefly tells us how most female relationships end up on abominable side of being fake, two faced, and greedy towards one another. I think that in our society, both women and men play their own roles towards bad or good. Many women come across jealousy most of the time, that is what causes relationships to go down the drain. That is when backstabbing and talking behind one another’s back with negative comments comes in the picture. Taking into consideration, not all women have fake relationships towards one another, therefore many chose the right one to open up to and have true feelings. I agree with Joanne, everyone needs to have friends of both gender, because some problems can be solved from same gender rather than the opposite, or vice versa. In some cases not all women face this outcome, it depends on how we face the truth in each and everyone we communicate with. In some point of everyone’s life we all go through rough times with friendships, but some tend to fix the problems without hurting one another. At one point some women may think causing harm to someone by their negative language will make them a better person, without thinking the consequences behind the language they use. Friendships between women are valuable, because they focus on materialistic things most of the time rather than who the person really is, and try to compete with each other. Therefore, judging someone is not the right option, first focus on your behavior rather than focusing on someone else’s.

    Comment by Ani S — May 13, 2012 @ 9:32 pm

  139. I believe it is very important to have balanced relationships in your personal life. It is of norm to have both female and male friends and with that balance, I believe a person can develop a more positive lifestyle. The problem with being prejudice against the opposing sex, is it creates more problems and negative views for yourself. You can’t go through life hating men and you can’t go through life hating women. Women who only have male friends will resent other women, whether it’s for their beauty, charm or any other reason women try to steer clear of other women. When I was growing up, my mom always told me, as you get old you’ll have less and less girl friends. Although this is sadly true, it doesn’t mean i alienated them from my life. Yes, I have lost many female friends, due to jealousy, arguments over boyfriends, or the good ol’ method of backstabbing. But I have never resented other women, and I actually always look forward to making new girl friends. When you only surround yourself with males, you lose a sense of your womanhood. There is only so much a man can understand, so us women must be troopers together! No matter what friendship you chose to have, whether it’s with men or women, either way friendship is built on trust, so if you have that in any relationship with two people, then it will thrive, regardless of the person’s sex.

    Comment by Anna Kleyman — May 17, 2012 @ 6:16 pm

  140. Through most of my adolescent years, I was friends with plenty of girls. Having so many female relationships has taught me that women can be bitchy and mean. It is socially accepted to see girls be mean to other girls, that’s just the way they are. The article suggests that the media plays a large role in supporting this type of behavior. From what I have seen in the media, such as the movie “Mean Girls” and the reality show “Bad Girls Club”, women are portrayed to be catty, competitive and back stabbing. Because women are continuously exposed to this behavior, they start to believe that it is okay to act that way towards other people. I personally have judged women solely based on the way they looked or just what I heard about them. It is not fair to the other person because unless they have done something to hurt me, I should not be judging them negatively. I believe this is the cause of observing what we see in the media. All women need to learn to put aside these prejudgment thoughts and try to think only positive things about other women. This will allow for less cattiness among female relationships.

    Comment by Pauline T — May 29, 2012 @ 8:38 pm

  141. This article is so true. Girls are taught to hate girls they don’t know and play the competition with them for boys. I think it is extremely important for women to have female friends and not just male ones. Its always a key sign to me if a girl does not have any girlfriends or says she hates girls. I know that I have oppressed this saying girls have to much drama and I don’t like being friends with them. Us women just need to not hate other women and just respect and understand them because we already get a lot of disrespect and hate from the world.

    Comment by Sarah Vincent — May 29, 2012 @ 10:25 pm

  142. the media tends to show that women are phony and they always want to get in fights over men which is untrue because many women love one another. The article also talked about the journey she went through to realize that women are not as what the media says they are and it is actually necessary for one to have friends from both genders rather than only with men.

    Comment by Youram F — June 19, 2012 @ 9:29 pm

  143. This story showed the pros of having a Women’s studies class that educate people on what it means to be a feminist and NOT what the media say feminist it. But women’s studies as we all know, is for the privileged who are able to pay for the class, and not for the majority of the people who are either poor, or do not attend school. I believe we should have the concussion rising(CR) meeting back so that women could connect with each other without taking a women’s studies class.

    Comment by Jemal H — June 24, 2012 @ 3:12 pm

  144. I really it found this article interesting, although i am not a female i do have a girl best friend and i can recall when she said this is why i have a guy best friend because girls are catty, and cause drama.i always notice that girls talk about each other but remained friends. such shows as the bad girls club is nothing but girls fighting and backstabbing each other. i really got into that show just to watch the girls fight and it does get to their audience. I had to deal with this kind of thing running for the school track team and everyone competing for who is faster and talking about the slower people. Many of my friends that are girls don’t like hanging out with each other that much, i even notice they have a lot in common but they are boy crazy they forget about it.

    Comment by Christopher T — June 24, 2012 @ 5:04 pm

  145. Learning more and more about feminism, and recognizing the way that women throughout our culture have unfortunately been brought up to act by influence of the media, and patriarchal ways, I have really tried to make an effort to change myself. It feels good to know that although I have always had many girl friends and typically avoided being involved with “catty” ways, there are more women than some people may believe, who love interacting and creating long lasting relationships with one another. We have come to believe that MOST women are catty and jealous of one another when interacting, which I do not think is true.

    Comment by Dylan B — June 24, 2012 @ 9:38 pm

  146. Before I read this article and took a women’s study class, I did not know that patriarchy not only causes inequality but also causes many other negative problems that affect women’s interior souls. For a long time, women have been affected by men’s point of view and live lives according to men’s desires. They made themselves look like what men want instead of finding and asking for what they really want because they have already forgotten about what they want or they don’t even know what they want.

    I agree with Melanie that media is the biggest problem. It is toxic enough to poison us women and make us naively believe that we must make ourselves look good so our man will love us. In Asian countries, there are many advertisements and TV shows that have slogans saying that if you buy this product, you will look prettier, so your men will not have affairs, because if you don’t look pretty and your man has an affair it is your fault and not his.

    I grew up in an Asian culture where we were taught to become traditional women. When I was small, my mom always told me and my sister, if you don’t learn how to clean house, and cook, no men will marry you. To win men’s attention, popular magazines teach us what kind of makeup/outfits/perfume/attitude/body shape men like, and how to cook good food to “win” men’s stomach. It’s too much and when reading it, women lose themselves.

    I always know that I like to get along with men, like Melanie and many other women. I also “felt privileged and cool to be part of the boys club, ” I did not realize that I had become misogynistic. This article opened up my horizons, and brought me a new view to reconsider my friendship with my female friends. As a woman, I should put away all the preconceived ideas, and instead of criticizing how some women are bitchy, I should think how not to become the product of patriarchy. We should help each other to seek the value of being a real woman, and a true self.

    Comment by Yiyen H — September 1, 2012 @ 8:35 pm

  147. Being raised in a household with almost all boys, I never understood the thoughts that goes on in a woman’s mind. More importantly, I now recognize the kind of malevolent thoughts and acts that women have against each other. This article opened my eyes to the kind of anarchy that is goes on in the animal world (woman’s world). Where women are perceived as creatures that have the same image as the Cinderella’s sisters. Knowing these unnoticeable acts go on between one another, I now have a better understanding of how I should approach a woman next time I see one.

    Comment by Alexander K (Wom.10 Scholars) — September 2, 2012 @ 4:24 pm

  148. I completely believe that women in today’s society are portrayed as being evil and backstabbing. They are always gossiping and trash talking other women. This article shows that women are fake and and want to get into fights with men when in reality not all women tend to act this way. However reality shows attract their female viewers by broadcasting their drama and feuds through television. Thus from this men see it and take hold of it and apply it to their own life and compare women to what they see on television. However I think that this is idea is totally biased. I have many female friends and not once have a been back stabbed or hurt by any of them. In my opinion if everybody went against these stereotypes we have towards women, we would make a huge impact on society and change everybody’s perceptions and views.

    Comment by Edwin S. — September 2, 2012 @ 9:30 pm

  149. I agree with this article that women are essentially depicted by the media as backstabbing and catty. The media has never given a positive outlook on women. However, in a day-to-day life, I believe that yes there are backstabbing women but there are also backstabbing men. It is like the story that Klein mentioned in class about the “green” people. If a “green” person robbed you, your friend, and your other friend, people automatically assume that all “green” people are bad which leads to a negative outlook on ALL “green” people. However, this was just three people that just so happen to be “green”. So yes, some women are catty and backstabbing but so are some men. The media just assumes that ALL women are the catty and backstabbing ones if ultimately just a few are.

    Comment by Yael K — September 3, 2012 @ 11:44 am

  150. I am guilty of my own internalized oppression of not befriending women as often as I befriend men. I always enjoyed the easygoing nature of hanging with boys, talking about sports and girls, has always been easy. I’ve never had a problem talking about sports, so hanging out with male friends was never difficult for me. However, I’ve always noticed the superficiality of men’s conversations, usually sticking to those topics. Men tend to stick to the surface, and I had always yearned for something more, but felt the same privilege as the author and some commentators, of being in the boys club, so I tended to keep my deeper thoughts to myself. I haven’t had too many personal conversations with my male friends. My closest friends, those who I speak to about personal issues, struggles, and joyous moments, are all women.

    As I’ve grown older, I’ve learned to value my female friends much more greatly than I used to. We do talk about men and go on shopping dates, but I feel that we talk about our thoughtful topics so much more than men do. It was always something that irked me while speaking to men, if I ever spoke about my feelings, or even if any males did, they would poke fun at me or any of the men who would. Boys tend not to have serious conversations about life or thoughts… Boys enjoy making jokes constantly. I am always frustrated that boys make jokes pretty much at all times… even during serious conversations, but had always guarded my frustrations, being so used to being in the boy’s club. I was slow to learn how valuable my feelings are to me because I had always chosen to be friends with men since girls were “annoying” even though I can’t think of a bad experience I’ve had with a girl friend. Sharing and having feelings has become very important to me as I’ve grown older, and am more appreciative of my female friendships because of that. My female friends are the ones who want to see me do well in life, be strong and find who I am. My male friends are the ones who want to find an incredible woman, but they aren’t the ones providing a place in this world for strong women, women are.

    Comment by Negin S — September 3, 2012 @ 12:38 pm

  151. Just last night, I went to go spend some time with my friends at a girl friend’s house. They decided to watch that Kardashians show on TV. While I was too polite to say I absolutely despised that show, I think that it stands for everything this article mentions. The amount of drama that was on that one episode was insane, and of course it was all induced by the schemes and trivial matters that were bothering the women of the show. These problems were usually because of their relationships with one another. Oh, and let’s also mention that they are related–they’re sisters! If this is what people and girls my age and of course younger watch for entertainment, then of course the perception of relationships between women are going to be internalized in a most completely wrong way.
    Through out my pre teen years I didn’t have much of a bonding friendship with any girls in my school because I would say I they were not very nice to me, but in high school and beyond I managed to create lasting friendships that taught me that girls are able to bond and create relationships that can be beautiful and some of the most important things in your life.

    Comment by Michelle G. — September 3, 2012 @ 5:57 pm

  152. I found this piece so interesting. I always ask myself why am I constantly comparing myself to other women? Why can’t I actually sit with a women and not compare our strengths and weaknesses. I have two sisters and we all look so different, we are different sizes, different heights and deep down we all wish we had at least one feature from the other, so we therefore live life feeling as though one of us is better than the other. It’s amazing how you incorporated the idea that women now feel as though they must detach from female bonding and redirect their friendships towards men. Men definitely don’t feel the same way about us, in fact men prefer us women not be around when they want to “chill”. So why do women insist that hanging out with men makes them different from the rest? I would love to go on a trip with Nita and experience some ‘feminine spirituality. ‘ I want to have a positive impact on the women’s society, I want to not care so much about catty things and what this girl says about me. I want to internalize instead of judge others.

    Comment by Anhjia L — September 3, 2012 @ 10:04 pm

  153. This is a very intellectual and deep blog.I think that some people do think that all women hate each other and only fight because of TV shows such as Jersey Shore,Basketball Wives and Mob Wives.In these shows women are showing jealousy and animosity towards one another and it ends up escalating into a physical altercation.In reality,when girls/women are fighting with one another its usually in high school because they are hardheaded and immature.Thats when they say they like to only hangout with guys,but eventually as they grow older they realize they need girlfriends because they can relate to them more than they would with their guy friends.When girls become friends it is a deep bond and its more fulfilling for a woman.

    Comment by Saman M — September 3, 2012 @ 11:44 pm

  154. I agree that sisterhood is powerful. As mentioned in class, women are the only group who are not in agreement with each other. Women do not know what it means to be sisters, especially in non-familial ways. I feel that the societal pressure on women to find the perfect husband, get married and produce children has distracted women from other types of relationships. Women, in my opinion, heighten their romantic relationships above all other relationships, even family. Therefore there are higher expectations and a greater need for the perfect boyfriend or husband because they are focusing their resources on their perceived most important relationship to their lives. Society teaches women that they are incomplete without a man. Even if a woman is successful, their success is not as commendable if they are alone. If a women does not have a man, society assumes it is because she is undesirable or unattractive. This explains the fierce competition with each other over males and the jealous nature with which they interact with each other. A technique I’ve observed is how the female’s behavior, tone of speech, and outward personality changes based on whether they are hanging with girls or guys. A perfect example of this is a Korean term called “aegyo” which means baby-like. Girls turn on aegyo when they speak or behave to guys because they attract more male attention. Males in return feel more masculine because the girls are speaking to them as if they are dependent. This technique developed because of the value society places on male attention.

    Personally I think each friendship amongst genders fulfill certain emotional needs better than the other. My “sisters” are who I go to for soul-searching, heart-to-heart, empathetic conversations. They know that the act of speaking with someone is an active and healing process within itself. The humors you share with your female friends are of a more serious and intimate nature as well. My guy friends are those I go to for when I want immediate solutions and actions, or just silly fun. It is easy to dismiss one type of relationship for the other. And those “mean girls” give all female relationships a bad reputation. Once people realize that romantic relationships are not the only types of relationships to be treasured, their lives will become immensely richer, emotionally. Treat a girlfriend out to a fancy dinner, just because you appreciate her. Finding a soul sister is just as precious as finding a perfect guy, as we will all learn with time.

    Comment by Sharon (Ha Eun) K — September 4, 2012 @ 2:45 am

  155. Growing up in the 21st century I imagined that by now everyone would have equality, especially in the United States. Since 1619-1865 slavery existed in American. The kidnapping of Africans and importing them to the states for free labor was wrong, what is worse that after the civil war people of color were not granted rights of equality.I think about it, it is the same occurring pattern with women. It is as if we are not counted as human beings. The 14th amendment gave “equal” power, the 15th amendment gave voting rights to all men (not women), and in 1920 the 19th amendment gave women the right to vote. We are in 2012 and women are still pending equal rights. The article mentiond that women are competitive against one another. This is true. I can relate to the article that I have more guy friends compared to girl friends. This is common among many females, we do not trust one another. I am not a misogynist, but I have internalized oppression against my own group. We are swimming in a toxic pop culture were it is considered “hot” when two girls make out, but lesbians are looked down upon. Pop culture is shaping feminism in a very incorrect way. We are allowing pop culture to shape our beliefs and society. I hope that Women Studies will open my eyes to a way that I can bond with females and take a step in getting equal rights for women!

    Comment by Dorsa D. — September 5, 2012 @ 1:54 pm

  156. I find it really bothersome how the media, specifically television portrays interpersonal communication between women as “catfights.” Women are deep intellectual beings that can not only communicate with each other through words, but through emotions as well. However, the media takes the small occurrence of women behaving in a superficial way and stereotypes it to show that women always behave in this manner when left alone with each other. It is even sadder how the media makes women feel like they must be at a certain standard to have a sense of self-worth and value. Women deserve the freedom to go throughout their lives without being judged by not only males, but other women themselves. All women should have a spiritual leader like Rubio, someone who can guide them in life and teach them lessons about feminism spirituality. The question is who can be a role model for all of the women in the world? The answer is simple; all women should be teachers for other women. Only by having all women come together to help each other, to empower each other, can we create women that will no longer have a reliance on male attention to monitor self-worth.

    Comment by Nathan R — September 5, 2012 @ 2:22 pm

  157. I like this article because I’ve always been told, even by my own mother, that women cannot live together in harmony. Reality shows that have more than female living in the house always show the females fighting or competing for the attention of a man (Flavor of Love). Shows like the Bad Girls Club glorify girls that can’t be friends with other females, and when they are friends, the relationship is superficial and shallow. There aren’t any reality shows that show any females that have meaningful or even normal relationships with each other, the way the men do. It’s like they’re trying to say that men can be stable and maintain normal friendships, while women are always shallow and backstabbing.

    Comment by Tiana R.Q — September 5, 2012 @ 10:05 pm

  158. First off, I recommend everyone reads the entire article published on the elephant journal linked at the end of the preview on this blog, the culminating point resonates really well and brings all the facets of the struggle into perspective. Being a male involved in women’s studies provides me a different insight and view on relations held between both women and men. This article reminded me of the guy in every circle of friends who is just trying to fool around with as many girls as possible favorite underlying principle to picking up women: prey on jealously and insecurity. Having known first hand what its like to see young women fall under that con continuously reinforces the message and truth behind Professor Klein’s point of contention that sisterhood is powerful. The common male jerk is the opposite reaction to the competitive upbringing of women. If patriarchy and sexist oppression can be deconstructed, equality can be reached.

    Comment by Hasun Khan — September 8, 2012 @ 5:16 pm

  159. I concur with the article and my first thoughts after reading this article is that it reinforces all of the concepts introduced to us in woman studies. The fact that men are always in an advantage position it leaves women as a minority group even when they make much of our population in the world, this patriarchy where men are dominant brings about internalized oppression on women. This is troublesome when it misleads a woman to believe that men are somewhat better than females. That way of thinking is created by socialization and every woman should experience the epiphany of the narrator in the article and become more educated and analytical to reinforce the title of the article. I believe it important for woman to study their history and bring about their voice in contemporary society.

    Comment by Jose B — September 16, 2012 @ 12:41 pm

  160. This article made me see things in a completely different light. I also was one of those girls who was proud to say I didn’t have too many girl friends. When people asked me why I would respond, “they are too dramatic and talk too much shit”. I can see now that I was just bashing the people closest to me. Just like it is wrong to stereotype about different races, genders, and ethnicities, it is wrong to stereotype about all women, even if I am one myself. I can see now that when I talk badly about women, I am only harming myself. I have bought into the idea that all women are evil, dramatic, backstabbing boyfriend stealers. Society made sure to put women in shows that revolve around women competing over beauty. I never see shows that portray women as strong,powerful, or successful, instead I am stuck watching Americas Next Top Model. Society is not completely to blame for my negative mentality about women. I have now raised my awareness and will no longer be brainwashed by the media to tell me who I am.

    Comment by Jasmine B (Women Studies 10 scholars t,th) — September 26, 2012 @ 5:57 pm

  161. What I like about this article is that it points to spiritual practice as a tool to gain transcendence over narrow minded ways of looking at things that are often internalized by the members of a culture. Transcendence over pettiness and competition allows not just women but all people to forge unselfish authentic relationships. In the same way that sisterhood is powerful, so is humanhood .

    Comment by MansourR — October 23, 2012 @ 6:53 pm

  162. 2. I find it quite shocking how the media was even apart of the idea importing that women cannot communicate or plan or work together as a team what so ever I found this internalized oppression shocking I mean to think that the infamous thing I have heard so many girls say is I don’t have girlfriends there bitches and annoying and all drama I never thought what that means how they so desperately wanted to be a part of the boys club. Mainly because I feel they were aware of the separation and how media effected these woman she came in contact with and she was different un effected so has guy friends because most women these days mines are pollutant and they sadly don’t even know. I feel that more woman should be like Rubio if they can so they can help the woman who cant.

    Comment by Daniel S — November 2, 2012 @ 6:53 pm

  163. I can relate to the feelings of wanting to stereotype all girls as “bitches”. Growing up in grade school I was a tomboy. I enjoyed being in the “boys club” because I felt that it made me cooler than the other girls. I liked joining in and talking smack on the basketball courts and football fields. Eventually as I grew up I started to befriend more girls and I was also introduced to a large amount of drama because of them. I wanted to swear off women completely because I was so miserable being surrounded by gossip, pettiness, and lies. As I worked through the issues I realized that it was not all girls that were bitchy it was just the group that I was surrounded by. Everyone, men and women, have the tendency to either “talk smack” or “gossip” so it is unfair to generalize every one into everyone. Going on the retreat sounds like a healthy way to connect with other women and find your suitable support system.

    Comment by Jenna H — November 4, 2012 @ 6:32 pm

  164. This article was HIGHLY relatable for me. I have said on a daily basis exactly the quote that was written in this article; “I’m not friends with girls. All girls are bitches. I’m just friends with guys.” I always say that I relate to guys more, etc. etc. But I completely understand why this is a ridiculous thought. I am a woman. Why do I hold destain for my own? It’s like the same reason for not calling myself a feminist when I am a woman. Why wouldn’t I want equality for women? And I must say, I do have a great group of girl friends that I can relate to on a different level, not just on the “boys are cute” level. Great article! Thank you for sharing!

    Comment by SydneyO — November 4, 2012 @ 9:41 pm

  165. I agree with the notion that if you “dump” a bunch of women in a house or closed area, there wll be gauranteed drama. Media (reality shows especially) portray women in this way, which really shapes the viewers way of women’s actions in groups. Even women tend to start thinking of other women in that type of way which is most probably an unconscious predisposition. I admit that I also consider myself as “one of the guys” because I prefer to abstain from nonsense drama and caring so much about what others think, which is what most people classify women as. Its really great to see a group of women living together, peacefully. It shows that there does not need to be drama under the roof and there can be happiness spread throughout the environment.

    Comment by BrittanyP — November 8, 2012 @ 11:18 am

  166. After reading this article, I realized that majority of my friends and my best friends are guys. I always told people that “I hate girls and that I prefer guys more. That’s why when I move out no matter what I’m gonna live with boys. Girls talk to much and create way to much drama” Which is true to my part, but this is so wrong for me to say, considering that fact I too am a girl. When I started this class, one of my guy friends whined saying “OMG you’re taking a women’s study class, please don’t become a feminist”. At first I didn’t really know the definition of a feminist so I couldn’t say anything to him. But after the class I found out that a feminist is just someone who believes in women’s right and equality. Am I not a woman, shouldn’t I believe in my own right and my own gender/sex? Why wouldn’t I want equality for women (my own kind) when I’m a woman myself too. After reading this though I realized that a lot of girls are protrayed in that “mean girls” movie kind of way. Even in high school, you have the jocks, the popular girls, the nerds, and etc. And I feel like even in college you still have those groups, they might not be as clear as it was in high school, but the cliques and groups are still there.

    Comment by Mita S. — November 12, 2012 @ 10:31 pm

  167. After reading this article I realized that woman have been labeled by the media of being jealous, catty, competitive, back-stabbing, and smack-talking. Due to the portrayal of girls/woman in movies as house wives or even venerable woman desperate woman waiting for a man to come pick up her life. Also and I to had fallen for that stereotypes. And as I reflect through my life I had fallen to believe in the stereotype myself as a woman. I had more guy friends than girl friends because I felt like all they were interested about doing than gossiping. Hence I usually used to hang out with my guy friends more. But ever since I started college I realized that I have more things in common with my girlfriends and they get what woman are going to through. Since we are still unequal in the eyes of men from the beauty double standard and unequal pay.

    Comment by Tasnim D — November 13, 2012 @ 11:16 am

  168. I agree with the blog because the media has succeeded in portraying a false image of woman as “caty and back-stabbing bitches”. When I was in high school I remember feeling this way about other girls and yes I did value my guy friendships more then my friendships with girls. When I was with my guy friends I would feel important in some way like I was cooler when I hanged out with them. I felt I was one of the guys like I had I secret membership to their club. After reading this article, I realized that some point when I was with them I felt like an outcast and weird especially when they would have their moments of judging girls they find attractive and all ways aiming for “ Who was hot and who wasn’t”. This article made me realized that I would all ways be an outcast in a guy club because they didn’t and will never face the same oppression a women would and instead of distancing myself from my girl friends I should create a strong bond with them.

    Comment by Gisela D — November 29, 2012 @ 9:18 am

  169. I agree, because the media has succeeded in portraying a false image of woman as “caty and back-stabbing bitches”. When I was in high school I remember feeling this way about other girls and yes I did value my guy friendships more then my friendships with girls. When I was with my guy friends I would feel important in some way like I was cooler when I hanged out with them. I felt I was one of the guys like I had I secret membership to their club. After reading this article, I realized that some point when I was with them I felt like an outcast and weird especially when they would have their moments of judging girls they find attractive and all ways aiming for “ Who was hot and who wasn’t”. This article made me realized that I would all ways be an outcast in a guy club because they didn’t and will never face the same oppression a women would and instead of distancing myself from my girl friends I should create a strong bond with them.

    Comment by Gisela D — November 29, 2012 @ 9:22 am

  170. “I’m not friends with girls. All girls are bitches. I’m just friends with guys.”…I do not understand how one can classify a who gender full of people to be a certain way. The media has attempted to portray a false image of women and it is sad to see how well it has succeeded. Browse through those channels and web pages to entertain yourself, not to become brain washed and obtain a new mentality from it. I understand, some of us may have had some bad experiences with women. Some of us have also had some bad experiences with men. We should all just stop being so judgmental and just learn to love!

    Comment by Shahriar Mangoli — December 1, 2012 @ 3:27 pm

  171. The media indeed has a lot to do with the reasons people think girls can’t be friends. There aren’t many movie stat portray a group of women as friendly amongst each other. This is a huge problem, especially when many of us grow up on movie that make sisterhood seem as if it doesn’t exist. For example, “mean girls” was a movie that i grew up watching. It made me view all my high school and middle school friends as fake and not genuine. We need more movies like “sisterhood of the traveling pants”, now that is a great movie that shines a great light on female friendships. More women need to experience retreat style trips about empowerment and getting along with other women. Sisterhood still exist, its just not practiced enough.

    Comment by CourtyanaF — December 3, 2012 @ 12:31 pm

  172. I went to an all girls high school and I was not surprised that as I was reading this article I could imagine various classmates of mine saying the exact same thing. They would brag that thier best friends were guys and that they could only have guy friends because girls were sluts and b!tches. This always gave me pause because that would mean I was also included in that category and I most certainly was not. But this also included them and I could see how much they valued themselves. All they wanted was male attention and they would throw each other under the bus to claim as many guy “friends” as possible. This was just a connection I could make with my past and something I still see amoung younger peers today.

    Comment by StephanieR — December 3, 2012 @ 4:29 pm

  173. I have always wondered why women never got a long and why men seemed to always get a long.I have always struggled with gal friends to be honest. I have stopped being Friends with a lot of girls because they would bring me down, by doubting me, or teasing -usually about my appearance. And I can seem really naive, so most of the time I would get taken advantage of by them. But now as I am older, I realize that it was entirely their fault. Most young girls grow up with the idea to be catty, and it’s mainly shown on mainstream television shows. I think we call all learn from one another as women, and really create a strong bond. It brings joy to my heard when I read Bell Hooks chapter on sisterhood, it made me feel optimistic. Optimistic about building lost lasting, and strong relationships with gal friends.

    Comment by JasmineG — December 3, 2012 @ 6:01 pm

  174. This is amazing. The media often portrays women as catty, bitchy, manipulative, and backstabbing. Of course there are some like this, but why are they like this? The media which is the most important system of socialization teaches this to girls and women. As a teen girl in high school I was incredibly catty, bitchy, and disliked other girls. I viewed them as ‘weak’ and valued people with no emotions, relating to masculinity being valued more then femininity. The reality is women are capable of living happily with one another and without the drama we’re taught is part of being female. It’s refreshing to see a approach to having a sense of both community and spirituality in which women spend time with other women and just enjoy each other without the hold of patriarchy.

    Comment by soleilh — December 3, 2012 @ 11:55 pm

  175. This article is very controversial. At first it starts off saying how women are “competitive, back-stabbing, smack-talking “mean girls”. Which I completely agree with having two sisters, cousins, and many girl friends. I have witnessed how women are always so competitive about guys, what they wear, how skinny one is, and many more. I can personally say men are too but I believe that women take it to another extreme. Then Melanie is speaking on how spending four days with 11 other women changed her believes completely, which makes me realize how different other women can be from one another. I really feel like I can relate to this article because I have witnessed how terrible girls can be to each other, yet others are so nice to each other.

    Comment by Jimmy S — December 4, 2012 @ 9:52 am

  176. I completely agree with the fact that girls are “mean girls”. I think it’s todays culture. I dont think women or girls would act this way if it wasnt so widely advertised and shown in the media. Girls have it in their minds that all girls are bitchy and backstabbing but its actually not true. Yes there are girls like this, but some of them are probably only this way because of the media. So all in all I think the media needs to change before any girls and women will change their relations with one another.

    Comment by ZaneM — December 4, 2012 @ 1:08 pm

  177. Though out high school I always was part of the “GUYS CLUB” I would say girls were bitches, sluts, full of drama, back stabbers, ect. I only had one best friend that I grew up with so with her it was different. When I gradguated I moved out with four other girls and I went in thinking there was going to dramam and it was going to be tough. When the days went by I started to realize we all though the same of each other and felt the dame way coming in to the house. On tv and ADs you would see woman and girls fighting, back stabbing, talking smack about eachother makes it seem that all the woman are like that in general not just for the shows or for the money. Rather caving in to the medias way to turning against one another we saw the good side of each other and came together.

    Comment by Alejandra A — December 5, 2012 @ 1:53 am

  178. I can definitely agree with the fact that the article says that society has its group of mean girls. Throughout high school i have witnessed and have probably played that role at some point. Im also not going to deny that fact that I probably would prefer to hang out with guys instead of girls just because that absence of unnecessary drama that I feel most girls tend to cause. But then again, I do think there is a fine line between girls and women, and girls are the ones who choose to act bitter to one another for no apparent reason while women are mature enough to understand and realize what their valuable time is worth being spent on.

    Comment by Segal M. — December 5, 2012 @ 3:47 pm

  179. I am completely against the idea that girls are bitches, gold-diggers, and backstabbers. This is another way of boosting men’s confidence that girls will get in fights and do what’s worth to “get the guy”! feel media showed this so much that women are actually believing to act like this. This article really reveals the value of sisterhood and being connected to your own kind in a spiritual way. And emphasizing on the fact that women are not what we usually see on reality shows!!

    Comment by Nazli C — December 5, 2012 @ 10:22 pm

  180. This idea that girls need to be friends to each other and not “frenemies” is the most important thing for teenage girls to know. Many young girls act a certain way to each other, will say nasty things behind each others backs, and ruin their friendships for a guy just because thats what is “normal” when in fact these things are the biggest sword to a good friendship. Living in this male centered society, women have learned to make even their relationships with their girlfriends male centered, making it impossible to have a 30 minute conversation without the question, “How is your love life, what is going on with the guys in your life?” This pathetic conversation flower is only sparking a friendship based off of boys rather than a friendship based off of trust, love, and care.

    Comment by Carolyne A — December 5, 2012 @ 11:46 pm

  181. I can definitely agree that the media does a great job portraying women as back-stabbing, smack-talking “mean girls” and have many “frenemies” due to reality shows and some movies. Although as article states it is easier to be friends with boys because they are less judgemental are have less drama, I believe that it is important to have a close girlfriend to talk about girl stuff and personal stuff as well. There is only so much a guy can handle that has to do with women and their lives. I also believe that reality shows and movies fail to portray real friendships, good friendships, and sincere friendships between women. For me, I have my group of guy friends and I have my group of girlfriends that I can lean on. My girlfriends are women who understand me, help me with various issues I need help on, and women that I can have a good time with and support me as I support them. And I’m glad that the woman who wrote this article had a journey which led to her find women that she can be comfortable with and have good conversations with. Also, because of the patriarchy that exits in our society today it is important for women to help one another and continue to support one another.

    Comment by Shannon Hack — January 8, 2013 @ 6:06 pm

  182. Unfortunately in today’s society, if a woman does not look and act a certain way she is looked down upon. It is because of this that women try to bring other women down so that they may look better to men and society. This is completely unfair and should be discontinued. Rather than women competing with one another, they should value themselves for who they are. They are human beings just as man are. Men are far from perfect and so are women. But I believe imperfections are perfections. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Bonds should not just be guys and guys or girls with girls. Nor should a lady have only guy friends. We are all individuals and we should treat one another as equals.

    Comment by Oliver S — January 9, 2013 @ 12:02 pm

  183. After reading this interesting article, i have to admit that i agree with the view points discussed in the article. I have always heard and still do always hear that women are back-stabbing each other. One of the causes of this negative connotation of women is due to patriarchy and the media. The media is also in accordance with patriarchy and tries to display women with a negative connotation. The woman in this article used to say, “I’m not friends with girls. All girls are bitches. I’m just friends with guys”. She was being influenced by the patriarchal society that we live in. But we see that once she took a Women Studies class, she learned about the devaluing of women in our culture. She learned about the collective amnesia that women as a group have and the learning of her history of women as a group truly empowered her. Due to this new knowledge, she is able to bond with her other woman friends without any “catfights”. More women and men should educate themselves about feminism so that they can rid themselves of these patriarchal values.

    Comment by Michael Z — January 11, 2013 @ 11:36 am

  184. There is definitely a view that women tend to back-stab each other and do not hold firm friendships compared to their male counterparts. Such a view does hold some truth, although it is very unfortunate. Such a view is influenced and created by the patriarchal society that we live in and also by the media displaying girls as “bitches” and fierce competitors against each other. Although the “girls hate girls” thing might be seen as bad and negative for society and a horrific effect of the media creating an image for society, I think there might be some positive aspects to it as well. The competition that arises between females help those individuals better themselves and develop themselves, and that is a good for society. Despite this positive aspect, there is a need to change the misogynistic culture and have females develop firm and better relationships with one another.

    Comment by Jun L. — January 12, 2013 @ 8:12 pm

  185. This article openly and accurately discusses a vital piece of the social construction of todays modern society. The article talks about the realization of the differences and distinctions between every female. It mentions how each individual represents themselves and expresses themselves in their own ways, and how it is a common habit to judge and distance one another because of that. The article further mentions how it is crucial to be open to one another regardless of race, color, and appearance. Women can be more judgmental then men which can produce drama and chaos on a relationship. It is not wrong to have many guy friends but I believe having some friends that are female is important for girls because there is a certain bond and connection that can be reached between two females rather than a men and a women because they can relate to one another and can better understand each other.

    Comment by Edwin P — January 13, 2013 @ 1:50 pm

  186. I find this article very interesting because it is an article about our every day life. You meet a girl and you sit and talk to her. All you hear her saying is bad things about the other girls she’s friends with and how she can get along with guys much more than girls. I find it funny because every girl now days is just saying that because they think its cool to say. In other ways it is just sad because it is girls who are calling other girls bad things behind their backs and sometimes in front of them. I feel like women these days are all acting the same way because they are socialized. They see it all around them and that is how they all like to act and most importantly these are all things that are happening in media. I believe and it is stated in the article that women need to stop judging other women and start to unite with one another.

    Comment by Daniella L — January 21, 2013 @ 1:15 pm

  187. It’s such a trip that this was written two and a half years ago, but it still applies perfectly to this day. Majority of the girls I know have told me that “I’m not friends with girls, I’m only friends with guys” at some point. This phrase has become the norm, even when I meant new people they tell me this and before I took women studies, I never really thought much about it. But now that I know about patriarchy and and socialization through the media, I truly understand why they have this kind of mindset. Past experiences factor in, but the way the media portrays women, especially in reality shows it comes as no surprise that they think “all girls are backstabbing bitches.”

    Comment by Alireza D. — February 2, 2013 @ 4:48 pm

  188. What has been pointed out in this article is very accurate and is encountered in everyone’s daily life, whether it’s at home or in society. As shocking as it may sound, but even blood sisters can be each others enemy, until that day comes when they realize that in fact all they have is each others back in this backstabbing world. When it comes to friendship between any women, it’s similar, the only difference is that, that day i mentioned previously might never come when the two women aren’t sisters. I’m sure it all happened to us, at least once if not more, to misjudge a stranger fellow women by just the way she acts or the first impression she gives, then later once we get to actually know her we realize that we judged way too fast. Most , if not all women’s friendships start this way. To have a women friend is very important, because no men will understand a women the way another women would.

    Comment by Mariya A — February 4, 2013 @ 11:40 pm

  189. I agree that sisterhood is still powerful and that the media, especially in recent years has created this disgusting image of how women behave with one another. It is sickening to watch all of these “Real Housewives” and other popular reality TV franchises show adult women fighting with one another, harming one another both physically and mentally. Watching these shows gives off the image that women in real life are also this violent to one another, that we can not get along with each other. In reality I agree with this post that women should stick together and that you can always learn something from another women, no matter their age, race , weight or socioeconomic classes. That although you may have had bad experiences with women in your past, not all of them are the same, and that you shouldn’t shun a gender off of one experience. Sisterhood is still powerful, and it should remain powerful. I hope to one day plan my own retreat with women, to gain some new perspective, experience and empowerment.

    Comment by Ashley M — February 5, 2013 @ 12:23 pm

  190. I strongly agree with this article that women in society today are characterized y the media as backstabbing and wicked. Throughout the years which television has been available, for the most part, the media has never set a positive image on women. After reading this article, it was evident that women are constantly excited to begin catty arguments, even if it is for no apparent reason. Although the media does show us that women are “catty”, it does not apply to all women in this world. It is unfair that broadcasting only shows the negative outlooks on women. Men have many flaws as well, but never does the media portray them badly. I believe they must stop corrupting young children.

    Comment by Yasmin F — February 5, 2013 @ 2:09 pm

  191. The cult of personality that is developed by those who seek to gain power over a gender, which has been historically oppressed, is ultimately undermined by the constant attacks it makes against equality. To have equality for all except women is to have no equality at all and yet, this oppression is not plastered all over the media as frequently as it should be, for the patriarchal social system does not allow for this issue to gain traction. The media condemns “feminism” as a chaotic and undermining system without truly understanding the basis of feminism. As women start to follow this cult of personality they develop this hatred towards other women, but are these other women to blame or do they derive their expectations and perception from those who instigate this conflict and create this divide? There seems to be no one correct answer however, it is safe to say that although some gain their perception from life experiences the foundation for this content is developed by those who limit women in the first place. It seems that it is up to the individual to promote change within in order to affect those around them. In the case of the “dome,” like-minded with positive intentions came together in an effort to bring about this wisdom from within and share it with others. Even as they developed in separate spheres due to cultural, racial, and economic classes they came to unite under this single “dome.”

    Comment by Darien a. — February 14, 2013 @ 2:18 pm

  192. Before reading this interview with Zoe Nicholson, I wasn’t completely sure about what a feminist was. But now I think of myself as a feminist because of the ideas that Nicholson points out. I like how she asks rhetorically “why is it that we ask people why they chose to be feminists?” It is a good question, and made we wonder why anyone would ask this, given how obvious the answer should be. It seems so clear that everyone should be treated equally regardless of gender, race, color or sexuality. I think that men and women should be paid the same, it is irrational and completely out of keeping with the times we live in to think even for a second that women should be in some way less than men, or deserving of fewer opportunities or discriminated against. I think more people would say that they are feminists if the “label” wasn’t attached to them, and I like the way Nicholson is starting to describe herself as an “equality activist.” I think there should be equal opportunity for everyone.

    Comment by Lois P — February 17, 2013 @ 2:10 pm

  193. The media absolutely portrays women as being “back-stabbing,” “catty,” “sluts”- among many other degrading titles. The patriarchal society we live in so deeply influences pop culture -our culture- (and vice versa) that it sends the detrimental message that we as women can never create a bond with one another; it has done so to the point where many of us have began to believe it. It has done so to the point were we’ve become participants in our own oppression and accept as well as participate in misogyny as if it were natural. Still, this articles shows that through consciousness raising and forming healthy relationships, women and sisterhood can indeed be powerful. Being able to talk with one another can open our eyes and our hearts. More importantly it can spark change for the better. This is why I’ve been working on starting a consciousness raising group among my friends, family, and more. I believe it is so important to realize that we are not enemies, neither are men; sexism is. Once we start to realize this we can do something about it.

    Comment by Zury C. — February 19, 2013 @ 4:53 pm

  194. I understand and agree with Melanie’s view of the pressures adolescent and young women face in a “toxic pop culture.” It is ridiculous how young women are represented in popular media – as bitchy, boyfriend-obsessed “mean girls” in a way that is very familiar to me. I understand how Melanie was taken in by it all as are many of my own friends, and it was a Women’s Studies class that helped to see her own “internalized oppression” and to open up and accept real female friendships. I think it is really sad this kind of sociological stereotyping and misrepresentation of women is publicized in reality TV and girls’ magazines, how far it is from reality, and how bad its effects are. It seems to me that whole generations of young women can be taught that it is normal to dislike all other women in favor of almost all other men. I think the world would be a better place if more women took this view and reinforced the equality of perception. If women were to regard each other more highly, then I think we would have a better chance that men would see us the same way.

    Comment by Lois P — February 23, 2013 @ 10:11 am

  195. I am besides myself on what to think about this article. I am somewhat jealous of the author for finding such amazing “girl friends” in a world of “mean girls.” I myself have yet to find a women besides my best-friend who doesn’t try to compete with me, or stab me behind my back. It’s disgusting the way we treat one another. I can’t play all victim as I am a culprit of this deranged behavior towards other women I have met in my lifetime. The not so funny thing about our behaviors towards one another is perplexing. I for one, can’t sit there and say I ever had a conscience thought about competing with another women, although it has happened. Thinking about it now, I also can’t say I fully agree it is due to “father rule” of patriarchy. I have one girl friend that I met when I was 14 and we have shared over a decade of love and friendship with one another. I felt blessed to have found such a soulmate in a female and thought myself to be lucky and special. That was until I read how this author has loads of women as friends.

    Comment by Heather Regan — March 4, 2013 @ 12:59 pm

  196. It is very true that pop culture portrays most women as mean, backstabbing people. This idea was especially portrayed in “Mean Girls.” The “popular” girls were constantly competing with one another, talking bad about each other, trying to steal each other’s boyfriends, etc. When this movie first came out I was either in middle or high school and I remember thinking to myself that this was all true to some extent, but it was very exaggerated. I attended Beverly Hills High School and I have not experienced almost any of the things portrayed in the film. There were times when I thought that men were easier to talk to and drama free. This made me want to have more guy friends than girl friends, which I did for some time, but after a while I realized that I was not really happy because I did not have the advice and experiences that girls would be able to supply me with. For example, I could not go shopping with my male friends. After a while I have come to balance my friendships with both females and males. I know how much I am comfortable sharing with my friends and how much I would like to keep to myself. I am glad that you were able to have such a peaceful experience with twelve other women. I have been on a few all girls trips with my friends, but none of them have ever been drama free. I am excited to continue to learn about feminism in this class.

    Comment by Ariella M — March 5, 2013 @ 6:52 pm

  197. This article definitely spoke considering I personally am perplexed every time I encounter a young woman my age who claims to “hate girls” and “only gets along with guys”. It always out stands me that this woman thinks that she is so edgy and progressive but yet she is saying she hates over 50% of the population, people who share not only the same body parts but the same struggles as her. It is counterproductive to the mutual goals of women and feminists in general to be pit yourself against other women so that men will think you’re “low maintenance” and just “one of the guys”. I think that sisterhood is something that is often overlooked but yet necessary if we are to unite against the mutual enemy that is patriarchy.

    Comment by Jessica P. — April 2, 2013 @ 9:36 am

  198. I related so much to your experiences when I was reading your article. As a child growing up a bit overweight I always preferred to have friends that were male because girls were bitchy. I felt more welcomed in the male society than with females. The media had such strong effects on them. Disney channel and young celebrities encouraged them to be malnourished and on horrible diets. Therefore I decided to take a women’s studies class to learn more about feminism. I liked how they compared her journey and talked about the different aspects in life.

    Comment by Sam F — April 29, 2013 @ 3:41 pm

  199. I can really comprehend and understand the tone of your article. As a female, I constantly viewed all girls as mean, ruthless, and backstabbing. I attempted to avoid them many times, but realized it was a complete fail. My sex was everywhere, unavoidable! Eventually, I learned that I must learn to tolerate women and ignore this generalization and stereotype about females inscribed in my brain. Soon enough, I noticed it was actually much more fun to hang out with women like myself. There was just some topics that I felt can be shared and understood more by a female companion than a male’s. Women Studies definitely taught me more about the casual stereotype of ruthlessness usually affiliated with all women that exists in our society.

    Comment by RoxanaGM — May 10, 2013 @ 5:48 pm

  200. I completely agree that women tend to gossip more about each other than most men do. Of course, not all women are mean girls though. Consequently, women tend to hangout with men to avoid the drama. However, I feel that it is important for women to have girlfriends because there are things that women do not feel comfortable talking about with men. After taking a Women’s Studies course myself, I also realized the patriarchy and misogyny that exists today. Hopefully, women are able to make a connection with at least one girlfriend, because relationships with people of the same gender as you are vital.

    Comment by Bryan K — May 20, 2013 @ 7:22 pm

  201. I completely agree with the main points of this article. The media has portrayed women to be ‘catty’, bitchy, and unwelcoming. Nevertheless, it is very common for females to befriend males simply because there is less drama, competition, and other unimportant factors that tend to be in female-to-female friendship. Many of my friends are closer to males than females because males are much less likely to play mind games and create pointless drama. While I do agree that males can be easier to get along with, I stay true to the idea that females need other females in their lives. The role of a female friend, which can also be a sister, mother, aunt, etc, is one that a male cannot replace. It is important for women to feel like they have another female to vent to and have as a support system. This creates a sense of female nourishment. I believe females connect with one another at a different type of level than to men.

    Comment by Jacqueline A. — May 21, 2013 @ 8:46 pm

  202. Quite a remarkable journey how the writer of the story goes from being a “mean girl” to finding herself and becoming a strong feminists activist. With that said, I find it very disturbing how the media, specifically television, portrays interpersonal friendships between women as “back-stabbing” and “smack-talking”. The media fails to expose the more kind and emotional side of women. Women have great intellect and should be portrayed in a more positive light. All women should have a spiritual leader, like Nita Rubio, who can steer them in life and teach them lessons about feminism spirituality. A question that might arise amongst women is: Who’s going to step up and be a leader? The answer to that question is straightforward; all women should be role models for each other. If this were to occur, the “mean girl” era would come to an end.

    Comment by Eli-Ran Y — May 28, 2013 @ 9:23 pm

  203. I think that the society we live in is the reason why women get judged the way they do. Women judge other women or talk negative about other women without even getting to know them or even talking to them. For myself, I seen a girl say something negative about what another girl was wearing and she didn’t even know her. in our society the media portrays women as not being loyal people and mean when all of them are not. I think women are misjudged and I blame it on the media.

    Comment by Qujuan F — July 23, 2013 @ 6:21 pm

  204. To be honest I had never though about women competing with each other or hating each other, until I took my first women studies class. In my Women Studies class I have learned a lot about patriarchy, sexism and misogyny. In the book called “Communion, A search for Love”, Hook states that women are always competing with each other to get some attention so that they can feel valued in a patriarchal society. That man learn how to compete in a healthy manner, while women develop extreme hatred for each other. While reading the book and the article I remember how a lot of girls are always blaming and competing with other girls. For example, when a guy cheats on her girlfriend, the girlfriend automatically blames another girl. This leads a lot of women to believe that girls are dishonest, drama queens, etc and they end up preferring male friends. It is unbelievable how much women can hate and compete with each other that they forget about sisterhood. They forget that they have to be united to fight against sexism.

    Comment by Veronica M — July 24, 2013 @ 12:03 am

  205. Many women are not aware of what society has done in having all these women fight among each other. We see it in movies or even experience it in our lives the hatred that most women feel among each other. I personally have experienced hate with other women/girls who just attack me personally for something I did not do but in their eyes it is my fault. We as women need to stick together and find that when we are all united that is what makes us stronger but people do see it that way. I found this article interesting because it just you thinking that sisterhood is not seen very often because as the writer of this article said that she didn’t have girl friends because they were all giving attitude towards each other and that she preferred to have guy friends. I have had friends who say that a lot and I mean like we should all be together but many don’t know about this. We tend to forget about sisterhood and that is seen a lot. Not realizing that all women face the same problems on how males are seeking out to have control of the women and do what they want with them and even get them to be against each other.

    Comment by Kimberly C — July 24, 2013 @ 3:16 pm

  206. Our society has really changed to a media based culture and all these movies like “Mean Girls” make it worse. I have seen “Mean Girls” many times and it is a very funny movie, it does give a terrible perception of how females are now a days. The media is a very big reason why girls get judged. When people think of a group of friends that are guys they don’t expect them to fight and judge each other because they’re guys but sadly that isn’t the same for girls. When a group of girls are friends people just expect that they’re fake to each other and I think that it is completely unfair.

    Comment by Ely M — July 24, 2013 @ 4:31 pm

  207. Female competition and how it is displayed in the media, especially on reality TV shows, is something I have become so immune to. I am guilty of watching numerous seasons of “Bad Girls Club”, which features a group of 7 girls from all around the US that consider themselves “bad girls”. This show is not a competition for anything, as there is no prize at the end. People aren’t eliminated from the show but some women leave if they become too violent and get kicked off or if they become too alienated and choose to leave. The women sometimes get along, but often times split up into cliques and constantly fight each other; verbally and physically. The women who last through the entire show call themselves the “baddest girls”, or even the “baddest bitches”. I am guilty of looking up to a few of these women because of their bossy, take-shit-from-no-one attitudes. I admired that because I rarely saw it with the people I personally knew. I also relate with the part about having guy friends, “I’m not friends with girls. All girls are bitches. I’m just friends with guys”. I’m pretty sure I’ve said that something exactly like that plenty of times before, if not verbatim. In high school, I had a group of about 8 guy friends. I always felt that I got along with them better than I did with girls and that I didn’t have to put up a front and be “fake”. At a certain point, I realized that I needed girl friends too, but every time I became friends with one, something would happen that would end the friendship. Most of my friendships with females have ended due to a secret not being kept, a rumor being spread, a boy being pursued, etc. Most females put down other females and I’ve never understood why. One thing I hold of utmost importance for myself is being an honest, loyal, and open-minded friend. I know so many girls who are so quick to call other girls sluts, bitches, whores, cunts, etc. I have never understood why females do it and I have even called out a few girls for doing it. I’m not saying that I’m perfect and haven’t done the same, but I try my best to be aware of it and correct myself when I do. I am guilty of putting down other women, usually because of a man, but I have realized the flaw and made apologies to the women that I’ve had issues with in the past. I’ve found girls in my life who support and liberate each other and I have never been happier in my friendships. Being a female, with solid female friends, even if it’s just one, is one of the best treats in life that I hope other girls and women get to experience.

    Comment by CrystalY — July 24, 2013 @ 11:13 pm

  208. I agree with this article. The society and media have created an image of women that most women do not appreciate. I don’t think its fair to portray woman as “catty” or “bitchy” just because of what the media puts out. It plays a big role on judgement on women. Some women prefer male friends over female friends to avoid more drama maybe or avoid the competition of having girl friends. It’s completely unfair that women are treated this way and its sad to see everyone follow along what the media and society put out to the publc.

    Comment by Matthew M — July 24, 2013 @ 11:32 pm

  209. Every individual female in society look at things different than others. Everyone views it how they see it. By women watching TV and movies that shows us women ourselves arguing or not getting along as well as having attitudes, is giving them the perfection that it’s okay. Not only do I blame the media , but I do believe that it play a major roll in our society today and it reflects on a lot of people over the world.

    Comment by Alexis C — July 25, 2013 @ 6:56 am

  210. The true power of this article is that the shared experiences are some that could be faced with boys, just as well as girls. It is unlikely that a reader would not be able to relate to some of the issues stated and thus be moved by it. Judging others is human nature; some believe that we subconsciously judge and put others down to feel security within ourselves. It occurs in high school, and at times prolongs throughout adulthood. But it is when we not only realize, but accept and learn from this that we begin to grow. Women are mostly the victimized ones in this in regards to this. Society (media, school, and friends) plays a pivotal role in this occurrence; girls grow up to learn that it is beneficial to be “sexy” and “stuck up” and as a result this constant competition to impress others disrupts their choices between right and wrong. Also, a key thing that should not be overlooked is that a Women’s Studies class played an influential role in causing this internal understanding. That sounds like the modern-form of Consciousness Raising Groups, as introduced by Bell Hooks in “Feminism is for Everybody”, in which individuals are given a medium with which they could express themselves with others experiencing similar issues.

    Comment by Michael A — August 31, 2013 @ 1:32 am

  211. I have a friend who constantly insists on her “only getting along with guys and never girls.” She insists on my following her route of leaving all my girl friends behind to join the guys. I absolutely must show her this article because although at times her arguments seemed appealing to me; that “girls are always moody and looking for drama”, this article argues directly against why we shouldn’t join bonds with our fellow females. In the society that we still live in today, we need those fellow females. We need them to stick together and join an undefeatable bond in order to go about making change to the world. We must stick together with other women in order to be able to successfully stick up for ourselves and earn world-wide respect for us all. If the ultimate downfall of a community is internal corruption, then we stand no chance against society if we refuse to befriend our fellow females. After all, the enemy of our enemy (society) is our friend (women).

    Comment by Jacqueline C — September 2, 2013 @ 6:39 pm

  212. I completely agree with the argument this article is making. As a women, having a close-knit friendship with other women is necessary and important. It is crucial to have those friends for meaningful conversations and female empowerment. The media is telling the wide public that women are supposed to hate each other and make enemies, and consequently, many women are following that cursed advice. The TV shows make it seem like it is expected for females to get into fights, verbally or physically, just because they are females. Hopefully, this notion will evolve into an image of loyalty and friendship among women.

    Comment by Tiffany M — September 2, 2013 @ 8:15 pm

  213. Although Im a man who never studied anything about women studies, I agree with this article. Media industries have made ridiculous attempts to disfigure the beauty of women, and nowadays most of us are completely brainwashed. Mean girls is a perfect example how media’s want us to think how women treats one another. However that is obviously not true. I think Nita Rubio’s method of allowing women to live together in a vast area, and helping each other, will allow women to bond together, and lead them to a completely opposite direction to what “mean girls” leads them into.

    Comment by Hiro K — September 2, 2013 @ 11:26 pm

  214. It’s sad how true this is, almost every girl friend that I have has said, “‘I’m not friends with girls. All girls are bitches. I’m just friends with guys.’” And after that phrase is said, starts the pointless catfights that we see in media. As someone who is still a learning student on feminism, it’s easy to not realize that women are being targeted to oppress one another and hate each other. I think without having any type of education on women studies, it allows society to continue to be sexist, oppress, and disrespect women even if it wasn’t intentional. We are so consumed by male-centered media that we don’t critically examine the patriarchy that is around and installed into our daily lives. You always see in media great relationships between men, but with women you see a relationship build on lies or a relationship that falls apart over a man. We also see in mainstream media defining what it’s meant to be “sexy” for women, which automatically makes women, and especially young girls feel disconnected from what they see and become prone to not only dislike themselves, but dislike women who are under the category of mainstream beauty. Instead relationships should build up with “with intention and devotion” just as easy as Nita Rubio’s 11 day sisterhood dome in the desert.

    Comment by Benjamin C. — September 4, 2013 @ 3:17 pm

  215. This article definitely helps explain many of the ideas and feelings that women have towards other women. Through observation and through my own personal experience these types of ideas become second nature and more extreme during our adolescent years. I myself like many other women have gone through the faze of feeling that I could only get along with the guys, I truly thought I was one of the guys. Yet looking back I remember feeling lonely, as if my relationship with others was incomplete and slowly I began to hang out with other women, and though they where not always the strongest of relationships, they helped me realize that as woman sisterhood is necessary. And just like other individuals who have taken Women study courses or have dabbled in feminism, I wish I could have learned about all of this in high school, when I was truly lost and needed some sense of the world. As feminist are goal should be to teach our younger sisters the value of sisterhood so they don’t go on the rest of their lives hating women or themselves.

    Comment by Natalia T — September 6, 2013 @ 10:39 am

  216. I couldn’t agree more. The media shines a negative light on women and the relationships they have with other women as oppose to men and the relationships they have with other men. As seen on the reality TV show, The Real Housewives of New Jersey, these women are anything but nice to one another. However, as oppose to the Housewives who are seen as “crazy and not trustworthy” their husbands are seen as chill men who at the most part, have nothing against one another. The women, not the men, are being portrayed as fighters and in the world today are called the “drama queens.” I, for one, am one of those girls who enjoys to live drama-free. If two of my friends who are girls got into a fight, I would simply remove myself from the group to hang out with my guy friends, which I taught, had much less drama in their lives. However, I too, was wrong. These various reality TV shows are instilling into the minds of the viewers that women are backstabbing, crazy people who will go to all ends in order to get what they want. Hopefully, as you all know, this is false. After spending a few weeks with my guy friends, I realized that they too, live lives full of drama and surprisingly they can hold a grudge against a fellow guy friend even longer than a female can to her fellow girlfriend. This just goes to show you how degrading the media portrays women to be.

    Comment by Joanna E. — September 8, 2013 @ 2:33 pm

  217. Like many people I have also have had girl friends who were backstabbing and would do anything to get the attention of the guys in our group. After a fight with one of the guys in our group which was inflamed by the girls in the group I stopped being friends with almost everyone in the group. At first, I placed all of the blame on the girls because I saw them responsible for the fight because of the lies they had told. But after a while I realized that I was being biased towards the girls. Yes they were not loyal friends but not all girls are like that. Not to mention that I was being biased by putting most of the blame on the girls and giving the guy a break. After all he believed those lies even though he knew the girls were liars. Like the writer of this article I let one experience affect my other friendships after that. However, I have grown to trust my girl friends again and while I think I am still a little harder on them than my guy friends, I am now aware of my bias and I am trying to change myself. After all it is not the gender of the person that makes them a backstabber and a liar. Everyone is capable of lying. However, if I only pay attention to what the girls are saying and looking to see if they are lying I will be overlooking the lies the boys tell.

    Comment by Ronita K — September 8, 2013 @ 4:59 pm

  218. I do agree in the essence that there are a lot of shows that depict woman as people who are in constant competition with each other for almost anything like involving men. For instance, some shows that depict this are keeping up with the kardashians and many of the main characters are females and in about every episode there are feuds between the sister involving different things or even a better example would be the bachelor, which there are bunch of girls who are fighting each other for a man’s heart. These elements of competition and backstabbing exist not only in woman but obviously in men as well. For example, the show the bachelorette is basically the same idea as the bachelor except its one woman and bunch of men who are fighting and back stabbing each other for a woman’s heart. Lastly, I am a male and I don’t deny there are more shows out there that depict “woman as competitive, back-stabbing, smack-talking “mean girls.” As well as I believe these shows are hurting woman’s reputations and in turn the way people look at woman and I think the best way to end this is that both males and females need to realize all people act this way, and it’s not due to which gender you may be.

    Comment by Benjamin E — September 16, 2013 @ 1:47 pm

  219. Wow, this girl thought the same I do, as of now. Why have a lot of girl friends, that bring pointless drama, and nagging, when I can hangout with a bunch of dudes, and have a heck of a good time? And as she said, I am underestimating and oppressing women, in a way. Im glad she found out the reality of it all, in a very interesting, spiritual take. However, I totally understand now, that girls aren’t set out to be drama queens, but caring towards one another. Some thing those tabloids need to start posting and printing about.

    Comment by Andreina D. — September 16, 2013 @ 5:19 pm

  220. After reading this I realized that I have fallen into the notion that women are backstabbers and cannot be trusted, because that is the way the media portrays it. For as long as I could remember and to this day I have taken pride in saying that I do not associate with girls because they are not trustworthy. But after reading this article I have realize that when us women say those things about each other we are only bringing ourselves down; which is what the media wants in the first place to keep patriarchy. How are we suppose to gain feminine equality when we are too busy fighting between each other? Instead, we should be embracing each others qualities and working together to obtain women equality.

    Comment by Leslie S. — October 9, 2013 @ 8:28 am

  221. Undoubtedly, the main culprit in portraying women as superficial individuals who fight and break friendships over small matters is the media. It is no surprise that the media is mainly run by white, male moguls who have much to gain by promoting their patriarchal agenda through the media, albeit subtly and subconsciously. Obviously, no TV show is going to explicitly say ‘we’re establishing male rule and privilege, and entailing female subordination,” but by portraying women as emotionally unstable and comparing them to images of men as cool, calm, collected and friendly, they achieve their aims. In reality, of course, both men and women squabble over insignificant subjects, and both male and female groups are capable of legitimate bonding, as shown by this article. What I took away from this article is the importance of realizing that reality and the media are two very different things, and we need to be careful not to fall for stereotypical generalizations.

    Comment by Sepehr H — October 13, 2013 @ 1:29 pm

  222. It is interesting that many of these issues keep coming back to the role of media. We are undoubtedly controlled, in one way or another, in what we consume. The media portrays not just women, but people in ways that are ultimately unattainable. No wonder why women attempt to obtain these traits, because the majority of individuals feel as though these are positive sanctions. This article shed light on the consciousness that has been lost as the role of media has increased. These groups are absolutely necessary in order to hold on to ideals and beliefs that have been lost.

    Comment by Zachary L. — November 19, 2013 @ 4:28 pm

  223. I agree, it is very inspiring and uplifting when one finds female companionship away from the social cattiness the media portrays. I feel that because women are portrayed as “competitive, backstabbing, smack talking, mean girls” so much, they feel the need to fulfill that role. It is nice to have an article like this one talking about the positive aspects that come with women communing together forming intelligent conversations.

    Comment by Elizabeth C. — November 25, 2013 @ 11:11 am

  224. I think its sad that the media has always tried to get girls to turn on each other. We’ve constantly been shown that girls are catty people that are supposed to have cliques. Society prefers to have females argue and dislike each other because its more fun to watch. But what it does to our sex mentally is very damaging. Instead of wasting energy on ripping into each other, we could be learning and helping each other in varies aspects of life. If we were to do this instead of being hurtful to one another like society tries so hard to push, we would definitely be more progressive.

    Comment by Serena R. — November 26, 2013 @ 12:33 am

  225. I completely agree with this article, when people think of these reality shows with girls in them, they automatically assume that they are all the same, and in most cases they are, in these reality TV shows. But what people do not understand is that those assumptions are definitely not always true especially in real life, on the daily. It usually depends on the girls, some girls are stuck up so they will be catty but others are genuinely opened minded, which make it easier for them to communicate with other girls. If I could be friends with only guys chances are I would, but it is always good to have girlfriends in our life so you can relate to them and have someone who understands you. Before I took this woman studies class I did not know how much the media controls our lives, encouraging people to be a certain way, and making people think certain things causing stereotypes and other problems. So in my opinion, you need to be the change you want to see in the world.

    Comment by Nicole R. — November 29, 2013 @ 7:36 pm

  226. In today’s media it’s very easy to find something entertaining, but a struggle to find something that’s not discriminative or harmful to others, especially towards women. It is very true that the mass media would be way more interested in a room full of girls than a room full of guys, because the TV shows that we are shown give us a demented view of such situations which in turn serve a subconscious mental effect. After seeing so many reality shows such as Shahs of Sunset, Housewives of Beverly Hills, Jersey Shore, Kardashians, etc. we begin to form a view of reality which makes us act in such a manner. It’s very upsetting how effective the media is in manipulating our brains without us even knowing. I can’t believe our misogynistic patriarchal society has incorporated their values into our media, devaluing women in such a sneaky manner. Women are portrayed as vulgar things such as sluts, liars, back stabbers, bitches, competitive towards each other, and just all around devils compared to men.

    Comment by Jason P — December 3, 2013 @ 1:26 pm

  227. I completely agrree that women are more likely to gossip about each other compared to men. The movie has a point, to some extent. Obviously, not every girl are like them in the real world. I believe women favors to hang around with the opposite sex mainly because of less drama between girls and simply they were easy to talk to. Nonetheless, it is important for women to communicate with each other since there are topics they feel uncomfortable sharing with men. Patriarchy and misogny are one of few terms we learned in the class, and it is evident throughout the world.

    Comment by Hiro K — December 4, 2013 @ 8:43 am

  228. I found this article very interesting and informing. I think that the fact that women and girls are notoriously known for being jealous and sneaky is something that society has instilled within us. It is not our natural instinct to be snarky, but somethuing that has been taught. We have learned that only the fittest suvive and thrive and that has made us go against each other. However we need to learn that in order to survive and thrive as a society and population we need to band together and stick up for each other instead of talking down to one another and demeaning each other. This article was very insightful and helped me realize just how important it is for us as a society and as women to stick together and not get torn apart by the negative views and influences of modern day society.

    Comment by Lindsay Grossman — February 25, 2014 @ 10:36 am

  229. Weirdly enough, or sadly enough I should say, I felt like this blog was talking about me. My best friends throughout my life have always been males. Needless to say I have always had a group of amazing girl best friends as well, but I found that for some reason I “clicked” better with males. Girls were always so catty and mean to each other, while men seemed much more laid back and drama-free. Then I realized, that by doing so I am only supporting this type of women behavior. When we are already so oppressed by men, society, culture, etc. shouldn’t we be sticking together to rise above it? Instead we chose to rip each other apart, get into “cat fights”, compare clothing, and body images. It is actually really easy to find a strong, wholesome group of girl friends. I think as you get older, you learn to gravitate towards people (girls included) with the same interests and goals, and eliminate those who bring negative energy into your life. I think girls need to stop backstabbing each other and putting each other down, and start realizing we are in this together.

    Comment by Yasmin Khalifian — February 25, 2014 @ 7:22 pm

  230. This article really spoke to me in a very special way. Throughout all of high school I always saw other girls that were not in my group the same way and never really gave any of them a chance. I found a way to judge them by their attitude, friends, boyfriends, outside activities, hair colors, age, and size. No matter how little the judgements were I hated them all with the same level of hatred. I only had two female friends while the others were males which created a very gender focused world for us. We did what the guys did no matter what activities even if we did not like it, just to look cool in front of them. Ever since I started taking my current women’s studies it has gave me a different out look on women’s issues. I now realize that we all currently have the same base issues going on with only little diversity. It would be very interesting to see what these economically socially diverse women would do when put together. I think that none of them would have any conversations but try to find a way out. I believe that the media should be blamed because they emphasize the huge differences between women in different classes which can also be a factor that comes into play.

    Comment by Amber Winter — March 20, 2014 @ 10:19 am

  231. As soon as I read the article title, I had a feeling that this article would appeal to me. All throughout middle school (6th-8th grade), I was constantly hanging out with the boys in my grade, and if not, older than me. I was always being told that I act older than my own age and that I am very mature. At one point in middle school, I even only wore nike shoes and jersey shorts and would play sports with the boys on the turf. I just always felt like making plans with boys, too, was less dramatic than with the girls in my grade who would start drama over anything and everything. As I grew older and it was time for middle school graduation, my parents would tell me that it is a smart idea to stop acting “bitchy” towards the girls in my grade and that maybe they would include me in their shopping plans and it wouldn’t be hard to fit in for when it came to high school. When I made that decision, I felt like it was the worst decision I had ever made. The drama continued with me to High School. Thats where I got a boyfriend and spent all my time with him. I experienced all of High School with him and I wouldn’t have done it any different. It wasn’t until I joined a sorority at The University of Oregon where I found that sisterhood and friendships were really so important. I was constantly homesick while being there and I felt like the girls in my sorority were really my “home away from home.” Without them listening to me and my feelings on a daily, I wouldn’t have been able to get as far as I did. This made me open up to girls and made me realize that I could really get along with such girls–it made it clear that I needed to get away from the bubble of LA and the “backstabbing” girls.

    Comment by Michelle Omidi — April 16, 2014 @ 3:50 pm

  232. This article really hit me because I have always even as a kid been the type of girl who only had girl friends and was so jealous or the girls who were part of “the guys”. After taking my women studies course though and reading this article, I have realized that I do not have any reason to be jealous of those girls. The sisterhood I share with my girlfriends is something I can never achieve with any man. Having so many girl friends is a life advantage for me because they see me as their equal, treat me equally, and through my years, we have shared numerous experiences and stories together that we mutually understand. The jealously I felt as a kid to the cool girls with a bunch of guy friends is ridiculous and is something that should not exist. I think it’s really important to teach girls and women that it is cool to have girlfriends too.

    Comment by Stephanie Hua — April 20, 2014 @ 5:42 pm

  233. Wow, I have never really thought about female to female interaction in this sort of way before. However, now that I have, I completely understand it. In fact, I have seen it happen. Just the other day, I was at a party with a friend. We’ll call her X. X saw another girl at the party, and claimed that she already knew they would not get along. Note that the girl was thin, tall, and attractive. Now, I realize that my friend made this statement because she had a very deep-rooted sense of internalized oppression. In our lives, we are exposed to media and societies that encourage us, as women, to compete with one another. Usually, the “winning” lady gains the affection or approval of men. Thus, women develop a sense of hatred for other women, which makes it hard for them to get along. With this information in mind, it makes sense that X made such a statement. It wasn’t completely her own fault; she has been raised to think this way. I really admired that this article addressed this issue with internalized oppression, and taught readers that if women were to extricate themselves of their internalized oppression, they will actually gain from the extrication. They will gain friendships and a new, more positive perspective on life, itself.

    Comment by Jessica B. — May 6, 2014 @ 4:52 pm

  234. This article leaded me on when it brought up how women from 12 distinct races and cultures join each other in a secluded area to spend time with one another in certain activities. It came to my attention, women who may happen to never get along and always compete with one another over attaining the same goal. For instance pursuing a guy that both female friends may be into. Women are looked down upon for how they do not get along when really the oppression they deal with occasionally in a patriarchal society dealing with misogyny should unite them juxtaposed to being enemies. Nita’s inland empire of 11 other women proves women can make great sisters and dealing with internalized oppression instead of going up against one another for a guy.

    Comment by Ariel M — May 13, 2014 @ 11:12 pm

  235. After reading Sister is (still) powerful I have come to realize a lot about myself as well as my best friend. Growing up in Los Angeles I never understood why women often times hated each other. When going out with my friend I notice our conversations would always revolve in either her or I talking about men and us degrading other women. To be quite frank I questioned why we constantly talked about those two things but never went back to paying much attention to it cause it felt like the norm. Most women talked about backstabbing friendship and always judged females so I grew up thinking that was the normality. At the young of 10 I never new that ideas like these were little by little getting cultivate into me though the media and reality shows.

    Comment by Cinthia Magana — May 26, 2014 @ 10:22 pm

  236. Sisterhood is Still Powerful brought up a specific memory. As I walk down the the third street promenade I see glares from women walking past me. Born and raised in Santa Monica I can recognize how many different stares I get walking down the same streets the older I get. I see women clutching to their boyfriends and husbands because other women are passing. Why? It is obvious that in today’s society women are each others enemies. The media forces us to believe that we are all out to get the same things, achieve the same goals, score the same man which is why our minds have been distorted to think in ONE way. It is almost as if we have a blue print of our life printed out for us the second we leave our mother’s body and it seems women think it’s a race to the finish line. This article has again opened my eyes to how insanely warped these mainstream standards are that women today will literally do anything to achieve, even if that means destroying other women in the process. I acknowledge the fact that I am guilty of doing these things but like I have said before I cannot blame my young self for following in the foot steps of the elder women in my life. When one has no true negative intention but follows the “rule book” of being a woman in today’s society, who is to blame? If we could all recognize the tactics that mainstream media uses in order for us to become competitors maybe then can we turn around and love, embrace, and cherish one another despite what this toxic pop culture has shown us.

    Comment by Lacey A — May 28, 2014 @ 8:47 pm

  237. For me, sisterhood has always been a high priority of mine. My female friendships have been some of the most rewarding experiences in my life. I’ve never had a clique; instead I’ve made a conscious effort to make friends with individuals. In the past, I’ve had plenty of girlfriend’s express that they aren’t “normally” friends with girls, but somehow I’m “special”. Now, when I hear women say that they aren’t friends with other females, I just think its ridiculous. I have found that there’s nothing more powerful then women coming together and joining forces. Sadly, patriarchy has helped spread this idea that women are “backstabbing, competitive, bitches”, and people actually believe this trick. I think the reason why lots of women are so quick to judge one another, is because of their internalized oppression. I just want to yell and say, “Look at women’s history! The only reason we have ANY rights, is because suffragist and Women’s Lib, BOTH had groups of WOMEN who fought for OUR rights.” Instead of judging one another, we should come together and share our experiences. We have so much more in common than we realize. I’ve learned that female friendships are scared, something I hold close to my heart. I find that there’s nothing like calling a girlfriend and confiding my sorrows, hurts, and struggles because most of the time, it’s my girlfriends understand my pain, because they have also been there too.

    Comment by AngelaC — May 28, 2014 @ 9:15 pm

  238. After reading this article by I do not think that I can ever view the term catfight the same way. I think like most young adults of my time I would view catfights as something interesting to watch and something quite entertaining. I now view television shows referred to as catfights much differently and I am quite bothered. One note I found the author wrote is that “I’m not friends with girls. All girls are bitches. I’m just friends with guys.” Among the numerous friends I have that are girls, they continue to say this and I find it really funny that a lot of girls don’t really get along all too well. While reading this article I often would ask myself the questions the author was asking the readers and I could not find the answer to “what it does it mean to unfairly judge and ultimately hold disdain for other women as a woman myself?” Why do we always unfairly judge women and is it so common that we don’t even notice? It is often the case that when women try to stand up for themselves and fight against this inequality we as a society refer to them as bitches.

    Comment by Daniel Nikravesh — May 31, 2014 @ 7:01 pm

  239. It’s sad and mind blowing to see how much of an impact the media has on people. It’s even more sad to see how they over exaggerate and emphasize certain things just to capture the attention of others. When women talk to each other they talk with power and emotion and men seem to take this the wrong way and always assume the worst. They take this communication as a “cat fight” When really we are just expressing ourselves. The media does a good job at emphasizing the behavior of a women as being superficial which then gives the stereotype that all women behave this way when they are around one another. It’s sad to see with all the magazines and the media put out there for women to not feel that they are worth anything or have any value because they feel that they must meet to a certain standard. I believe that we should be able to live our lives comfortably without feeling that we will be attacked or judged by every mistake or move that we make. I think we should all look up to Rubio, who can teach us and be a leader in life that allows us to know more about feminism spirituality. I sometimes wonder who other women look up to and whether or not if they even have anyone to look up to. I think that we should empower other women and be a great role model. We should all come together as one to help and not hurt one another. If we all come together we won’t have to worry about the attention of a man or try to meet up to the standards that they have put out for us.

    Comment by Jennifer P — June 1, 2014 @ 9:34 pm

  240. It is refreshing to see a woman who recognizes and applies the concepts that we learned and spoke about so in depth in our Women’s Studies classes. She recognizes the hold that misogyny and patriarchy have on our lives and how we are socialized to believe that we have to be in competition with other women. We are taught, from a young age, that we cannot be friends with other women without expecting a backstabbing experience. We cannot feel safe and trustworthy around anybody. This really hinders our relationships and causes us to constantly be on edge and never open up to somebody in our times of need or even just to connect emotionally with any random stranger. It is important to have that outlook on life that we need to make connections with the people around us. The way I look at it, there are so many friendships and relationships to be made, that there is no time to waste on “bitchy” attitudes and fake personas that so many of us implement in order to protect ourselves from the threats of the outside world. Yes, there is a risk of getting hurt, but at the same time, we cannot be afraid from the world around us forever. We do need to take caution, but at the same time, we need to realize that the best way to learn is to fall down and pick ourselves up again from our mistakes and rise to greater occasions and opportunities. We will fall again, but only to get back up with the support of our community and friendships that we have made along the way.

    Comment by Pnina O — June 2, 2014 @ 10:49 am

  241. Girls are expected to be “bitchy” and “competitive” in their interactions with other girls. It is very common now to see a girl proudly exclaim her membership in the “boy’s club.” We are shown by the media, especially through television and movies, that women must be attractive as that is the only emphasized feature. I agree that we are, sadly, exposed to believe our “self-worth” is measured through male attention, which explains that our insecurities are shown through that “bitchy” and “competitive” attitude.

    Comment by Vanessa R. — June 2, 2014 @ 10:09 pm

  242. I believe everyone needs to have friends of both gender, because there’s some issues you can only discuss with your same sex friend rather than the opposite. Different gender will give you different view of the problem and solution. But people consider you are too close to other gender to get help. Women can have a bond that is so universal. When the petty media fed conceptions are put aside the universal bond and beauty in these bonds in unmistakable.

    Comment by KA SHING CHOI — July 28, 2014 @ 6:40 pm

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