Sisterhood is (Still) Powerful
Originally posted at Elephant Journal.
Sisterhood, the Divine Feminine and Magic Making…in the Joshua Tree Highlands.
What do you get when you take 12 women of different ages, races, sizes and socioeconomic classes and place them in a large dome in the desert? No, this isn’t a pitch for yet another reality show or a tabloid headline. But if it was, the answer would be “catfight!”
After all, according to the most prolific genre of television today and the looming tabloids that greet us at every check-out counter, girls and women are competitive, back-stabbing, smack-talking “mean girls.” You know, those bitchy girls who don’t have friends but have plenty of “frenemies” that they keep under close scrutiny as they vie for the same prize, namely male attention…as a barometer of self-worth.
Don’t get me wrong, it’s not just the toxic pop culture environment that we’re all swimming in (whether we like it or not) that unfairly portrays girls and women in this superficial way. Truth be told, I’ve had my fair share of bad experiences with women over the years. Those experiences left enough of a bad taste in my mouth that I’d proudly proclaim in my snarky Valley girl way, “I’m not friends with girls. All girls are bitches. I’m just friends with guys.”
I felt privileged and cool to be part of the “boys club.”
And then I stepped into a Women’s Studies class and learned a few things about patriarchy, misogyny and the consistent devaluing of the feminine. I had to ask myself, “what it does it mean to unfairly judge and ultimately hold disdain for other women as a woman myself?” Upon closer inspection, I recognized my own internalized oppression and the ways in which I had come to believe and play out the divisive script. With this realization, I opened myself up to authentic female friendships, friendships that could transcend shopping dates and conversations about men. Through the course of my twenties, those women found me and I found them.
While these friendships nourished me (and continue to do so), I needed more to heal the psychic wounds that taught me to criticize women and view the feminine as less valuable than masculinity and membership in the boy’s club.
In 1994, I discovered the work of Rianne Eisler and Marija Gimbutas, women who influenced feminist spirituality and neopaganism with their examination of pre-Christian goddess cultures. Discovering these authors and their examination of the sacred feminine reaffirmed by own value and worth in a deep and profound way. While my blossoming yoga practice was transformative and healing on multiple levels, the spiritual lineage was, and is, male-dominated—leaving me (and many other women) to wonder “where are the women?” Do we have to match mainstream standards of perfection to garner recognition and visibility?
Eventually my journey led me to Nita Rubio, a teacher that integrates a critical examination of patriarchy, feminist spirituality and the divine feminine in a movement modality. I had finally found the forum that addressed all my points of concern and inquiry for the previous decade. I’ve studied with Nita for five years, and it has been the sacred female-only space that she cultivates and nurtures that has allowed me to continue to extract patriarchy’s hold on my mind, body, spirit—and female relationships.
And so last Thursday I left Los Angeles and sped through the smoggy Inland Empire to reach my destination, a dome house on five acres in the Joshua Tree Highlands to commune with 11 other women for the next four days. What ensued was not a reality show in the making, replete with mean girl battles and cat fights. Led by Nita, we basked in one another and the land with intention and devotion.
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I always love when I find an article about the beauty that exists between women in a world that so pervasively is trying to tell me that it doesn’t exist. I can totally relate to your experience, I have always had guy friends and always hated women– that is until I walked into YOUR Women’s Studies class and realized that all I had to do was share my experience, my story and there would be plenty of women waiting to do the same. I absolutely love this article, it is such an inspiration! Xo.
Comment by Marley — June 16, 2010 @ 10:53 pm
I agree with you that the media tarnishes the reputation of women through useless shows that promote sex, blonde bombshells, and anorexia. It affects millions of young girls today who watch shows like The Bad Girls and Jersey Shore. And these shows solely become popular because and why? Not only that, I feel like its not just tv shows, but music we hear these days on the radio. Overplayed, senseless lyrics by popular rappers that rap about sex & women. Imagine message that girls ages 13 are receiving?
Meanwhile, I can relate to how being accepted as one of the boys would feel pretty cool. I was a tom boy in elementary and jr. high school. And although I was accepted among the boys, and hung out with them more than the girls. It only made me feel more masculine than feminine. I feel like every girl needs girlfriends too. It’s apart of growing as a woman, bonding, and sharing personal feelings about love relationship that you wouldn’t share with a guy.
Comment by Joanne — September 6, 2010 @ 8:00 pm
I agree with Joanne; I believe everyone needs to have friends of both gender, because there’s some issues you can only discuss with your same sex friend rather than the opposite. I like this sentence: “what it does it mean to unfairly judge and ultimately hold disdain for other women as a woman myself?”, and I guess this question comes up that why don’t so many women know about their own history and why is it that many of them don’t will to fight for their rights? Why are we so self-centered sometime that we can’t even see what’s happening around us?
Comment by Nima Ghalehsari — September 6, 2010 @ 8:42 pm
I think that in our world, in our society today, we learn that women are for lack of better words “caty.” We see in the media and we hear it among stories that women talk about each other and get into fights much more than men. I think that people give in and believe these ideas because that is what is fed to them. However, this article sheds light on another side, perhaps a side that is more frank. Women can have a bond that is so universal. When the petty media fed conceptions are put aside the universal bond and beauty in these bonds in unmistakable.
Comment by Joshua.S — September 6, 2010 @ 10:14 pm
I agree with many of you that the media culture brainwashes many into seeing the “fake” relationships women have with one another. I too have had these relationships with many girls as well but I love how this article also takes into consideration that not all female relationships are like that with one another. Because even though I have and am still having those “fake” relationships with women, there are also some women that I have real and strong relationships with as good friends of mine who wish me nothing but the best and through my own experiences we find many things in common.
Comment by Ariel Kasheri (wmst10scholars) — November 30, 2010 @ 10:24 am
In high school I played girl’s basketball for four years in which I made some good friends and some somewhat friends. I get exactly what you are talking about, I think that it is amazing when girls can bond and share common interests and topics. I think it is even more amazing that we were a diverse group of ladies bonding. In some cases for us the cattiness was a given. But labeling women as bitches who get into cat-fights over guys and superficial things is a whole other level, that is extremely negative, limiting, and judgmental. I do not believe that women should me given such a stupid and meaningless label. It annoys me how adjectives are basically assigned genders. But anyways I enjoyed reading your article and I think your lectures are amazing.
Comment by Leora Sheily — February 22, 2011 @ 9:22 pm
I think internalized oppression plays the biggest part in women who felt the way you did. By teaching girls early on that this notion of “caty” women is false they can start to move away from the idea that all girls are in fact not bitches.
Comment by Shawn S — June 1, 2011 @ 5:12 pm
I do agree that the media does give a negative out look on women and their friendships. Just like anything, not everything you see in the media is true. I believe friendships between females are very valuable. I too have been in in friendships with backstabbing and it is difficult to recover but you just have to believe that not everyone are like that and once you get a great friendship it will be there til the end.
Comment by Amanda A. — September 3, 2011 @ 4:16 pm
I think this article resonates so much with the experiences that many girls, myself included, go through; we are brainwashed with what reality tv, pop culture, music, celebrities, etc portray about women that we ourselves begin to believe that all women are “bitches” by nature and lose our dignity and self-worth. It is so troubling to see girls and women around me project themselves, whether it’s in the way they speak, dress, or socialize, in ways that show how this brainwashing has taken affect. I am thrilled to be in a Womens Studies class that is totally taking apart this myth, telling the truth, and undoing some of the damage that our pop culture has created in our minds.
Comment by Jennifer S — September 5, 2011 @ 4:33 pm
I fully agree that women are portrayed by the media as being catty and back-stabbing. People are bombarded by negative images of women everywhere. For example this “Real Housewives” craze. It’s basically a bunch of grown women who are shown trying to degrade and fight each other every chance they get. And even in shows that aren’t “reality” such as “Gossip Girl” women and girls are portrayed as being catty and willing to back stab and double cross each other just for the attention of men. Not only does the media constantly sexualize women for the purpose of pleasing men but the media also devalues the very special bonds women have with each other.
Comment by Chloe Shenassa (women studies 10 scholars) — September 5, 2011 @ 8:19 pm
Before the feminist movement can be universally recognized, the people partaking in said movement must be fully united, especially the women in modern society. I once heard a quote that went something like this: “If women didn’t all hate each other, they could rule the world.” I found this statement both interesting, true, and applicable to this post in that it reflects how women must unite, as sisters, and find the good in eachother, and feed off of that.
Comment by Tiffany Majdipour — September 5, 2011 @ 10:01 pm
Competition is natural and part of being human; however women tend to be nastier and more conniving. In my experiences immediately when women enter rooms filled with other women they do not know, they tend to look them up and down harsly judging them. The article is completely right that it stems from an “internalized oppression” and judgement of oneself. The ending of the article is very wise-if women were more likely to let down their guard, not judge each other, and not have such a strong desire to be less of a sisterhood and be more apart of the “boys club”, we would find a strong connection and community.
Comment by Isabella DeCredico — September 5, 2011 @ 11:16 pm
I had always felt that there is a love between women that needed to be cultivated and I made a strong commitment to find it about 5 years ago. Every friendship gets deeper and richer as I grow and learn how to get my needs met by expressing my needs. It is nice to understand the world I have been brought up in, and my mother for that matter, and take into account that I and we, have been effected by society and I can still do my part to cultivate deep fulfilling powerful loving friendships with other women and know it isn’t as easy as I thought it might be because of these historical holds that each women has to free herself from and I don’t have to take it personally but I do need to find the free women to invest in. Thank you for highlighting this deep need we women have to be close with one another.
Comment by Carenna Willmont — September 5, 2011 @ 11:49 pm
I think that because we live in such a patriarchal society it’s become such a habit for young girls to internalize the thought of “femininity is wrong”. For so long have young generations of girls been exposed to these “catty” females and the views others have on them (their frenemies). And because of this negative light that women have been walking under, I can see why women would want to leer away from femininity and covet the acceptance of the male gender. I also think it’s high time we’ve put a stop to this promotion of “internalized oppression”.
Comment by Alexandra A. — September 6, 2011 @ 12:07 am
I defiantly agree with this article. When people think all different kinds of women are going to spend alone time together in a room, we think things that are portrayed in television will actually happen in real life. All these “reality” TV shows are causing catastrophic perception of women in today’s society. Not all women , back-stabbing, competitive, smack-talking “mean girls”. I am fortunate to be taking a women studies class, I get to be informed about something that is being perceived in the media the wrong way and WS class is going to help me get my point across to people who are uninformed about women in today’s society.
Comment by Jessica Orozco — September 6, 2011 @ 4:21 pm
I can really relate to this article, for I personally thought the same of other women, so throughout my life I have never got along with other women. Even throughout high school I was always surrounded by my guy friends and criticized other women because of my bad experiences. I am currently taking a women’s studies class so my views has been changed and now I am understanding that there are other women who have the same views as I do and I made friendships that thought I would never have. I totally agree we as women can have very strong bonds but the way we are portrayed ruins how we can get closer to each other and understand each other as fellow women. I truly love this article, very well written and I love the fact that others can relate to it. good job
Comment by Nancy Almanza — September 6, 2011 @ 4:23 pm
Sounds like an amazing experience. Hopefully in this WS30 class, I can find women to share such profound realizations with. The nature of women and their relationships with each other can indeed carry much animosity and phoniness especially when we feel like we constantly have to compete with one another. Throughout high school, I had my share of drama and “shadiness” with girls I didn’t even know but also girls who at certain periods of time were my best friends. So I could also relate to the idea of thinking girls were too dramatic and pretentious, and instead getting along better with having guys as friends. But over the past year (and the summer especially) I’ve rekindled relationships with two of my closest girlfriends. I’ve never really had any conflict with them, but they certainly have their moments of criticizing and showing contempt for other girls which leave me feeling ashamed and uncomfortable for somewhat partaking in this oppression towards other women. This now makes me excited to discover a means of overcoming my own internalized oppression and the instilled practices of criticism and competition among women.
Comment by Camille Cueto — September 6, 2011 @ 7:24 pm
There definitely has been a time when identifying with being one of the guys and fitting in was more important than any female friendship. While it was the “cool thing,” I felt something missing: they didn’t grow up in the same oppressed society; they weren’t affected everyday of their lives. There are certain aspects in life that we’re better suited connecting with a female, a different kind of mutual warmth it provides. The connection to reality TV is too true, and your experience sounds amazing!
Comment by Biana B — September 7, 2011 @ 1:04 am
Some of you guys may not Like me after this comment, But it’s Okay. I may have a better chance to sleep well anyway seeing how this is just my opinion. So” I totally Agree with the article about placing 12 women in a room, only because almost every television show is about back stabbing, jealousy, hating and talking about each other, of course there’s a big chance of a Cat fight. Then the women claim to be Good friends or just wanted to help her, that’s all crap. Why does it anger us as women that men portray us this way? Intimidation and jealousy plays a big part in prepping todays youth this is what they’re watching on Television, This is not a friendship nor stereotype this Shit is Real Life. As For only having Male friends is better” its also hard to believe. The women who are married or just dating these So Called “Guy friends” don’t fully agree to them having female friends because there’s aways speculation that there’s something going on between the two. Or there’s a possibility that he may want more then a friendship. I have both male and female friends and there’s a lot of Gossip/Chaos among both sides. I sometimes get confused with who’s the Worst the Men or Women. I enrolled in this Women Studies Class knowing nothing about the difference between Feminist nor Feminism. Don’t judge Me, just help me to Understand.
Comment by Tisa Harper — September 7, 2011 @ 1:10 am
From reading this article it made me realize that women from this society had been would never get alone with other race, culcure when we put them in a room. Either they would fight with eachother or they would not agree with most of the thing each of them have to say. However, i agree with some of the girls here we need to have some argement with other women from other culture, race, sizes because society is full of suprises.
Comment by Orly Pirian — September 7, 2011 @ 1:19 pm
This article is somewhat true. Although I can’t relate, i have several female friends who feel the same way. They always tell me they rather have guys friends than girl friends because with girls they always have drama. I sort of understand that because with us guys it’s simple we just joke around and have fun without discussing any situations or our problems. Many of my female friends like that because they just want to have a good time without dealing with any drama.
Comment by Robert — September 7, 2011 @ 2:22 pm
As I read this article I realized there are many true facts in it, however I do not think they apply to all women. Women could be overwhelming in the way they want to achieve male attention, but when it gets between two women to fight over one male, the real trouble starts. Many young women my age will simply be attracted to someone they never thought of approaching just because another girl started to pursue him. Again, I believe there are many girls who aren’t like that and that would not want to jeopardize their sisterhood just because of an interest in a male due to this reason or another.
I simply believe that true friendship between women is a very strong bond since I was exposed to it as a child growing up seeing my mother interacts with her female friends, and the amount of blind trust they have in one another.
I believe that most young women will only realize that sisterhood is far better than a stupid catfight after experiencing it on their flesh.
Comment by Uriel Gadolian (WS10) — September 7, 2011 @ 5:17 pm
I really liked this article because I can relate to it, and i feel like many girls are able to relate to this article. Throughout our society, girls are constructed as “bitches”. Our media and all these reality shows portray this image of women. I, along with many other girls, used to believe all girls are “bitches” because with girls, it always involves competition and drama with everything, especially competition over guys. After freshman year in high school, where i got into many fights with girls, I decided I was over the drama and sick of hearing or being involved in it. I was good friends with the guys because their life was drama free and carefree. After a couple months, i realized that i need girl friends. I needed girls so i can vent about anything, talk about love life, and go shopping, and a lot more!
Now when girls tell me “All my friends are guys, girls are bitches”- I wish they understood that there are girls who also hate drama and are just like them, and together they can form a friendship. Women are able to unite. If we girls don’t want to be friends with each other, why would society think any better of us and the image of girls as “bitches”?
Comment by Doreen Cohen — September 7, 2011 @ 5:36 pm
After reading this i’ve come to realize that throughout my 19 years of living my strongest friendships have been with males. Only a few frienships with females have lasted to the present. I honestly believe it’s hard to find women that you can truly connect with because yes , some of us are bitches, and some of us are backstabbing mean girls. But in my first year of college at CSU Long Beach, i took a Women’s Studies course called Women and Their Bodies. There i found women my age who i could talk to about the issues surrounding women; some of them shared my personal struggles and concerns. It was then when i realized that i wasn’t standing alone as a woman, i could open up my heart and relieve myself of the burden that had been hunting me for weeks. In a way i felt a spiritual change when i engaged with other women and discussed our different views on Pregnancy/Abortion, Romantic Relationsips,Sexual Harrassment (to name a few). It was nice to hear their opinions even if they were different from mine, it made me embrace their opinions even more. I felt that “sisterhood” when we had discussions, i felt empowered at the end of every class and it made me realize how important it is to have friendships with women. Although i find it really disappointing that i don’t have a sisterhood with my own sisters. They are the “mean backstabbing bitches” that i hate. We have completely different values and morals, simply different ways of thinking and living life. They have no interest in furthering their education or even having a career. I admit that i get along better with my brother because we think alike and both are in college and want to have careers. I hope to overcome the disconnection i have with my sisters someday , but for now i’ll continue to search for women and men i can relate to. -M.F.
Comment by Myra Flores — September 7, 2011 @ 6:14 pm
I completely agree with the idea that the media portray women to be “backstabbing” and malicious intentionally. They (the media) make it seem like women are incapable of being in groups without there being any drama or cattiness involved. Drama always outperforms and outsells no drama. In my opinion, I believe that women are much more complex than men when it comes to dealing with emotions or feelings; therefore they are portrayed as being “bitches” when they are just expressing their feelings. Like men are competitive with other men when it comes to sports and dating, women are competitive with other women. I can really relate to this article and your friendship experiences!
Comment by Nicole Sooferian (Section 3131) — September 7, 2011 @ 6:49 pm
I so agree that the media negatively shows women as seductive, and catty while discrediting sisterhood and fostering in us only superficial bonds. It’s disgraceful how femininity and sisterly bonds have been reduced to being rude and demeaning to one another. In an age where such things are quite the norm, it’s difficult to find a space and place where egos are let down and genuine, sincere friendships can grow. From my own experiences, and I’m sure those of many others, there are times when it’s difficult to approach other women in a sisterly way and make some sincere bond. Often times an honest compliment is misread as a put down, or even interpreted as some sort of selfish ploy. It’s refreshing to read this article and to know how others, as well, feel the same way as I’ve been feeling about the whole misconception of sisterhood.
Comment by Nilu V. — September 7, 2011 @ 7:49 pm
I want to know, what did you do while inside the dome? For me personally the though of women confide in a place is not a huge deal. I go to an all women’s college. However, people would always ask me the same question- how much drama is there? Actually we didn’t have any drama or at least any that would impede our studies.
Unlike Melanie I have always been really good friends with girl, and I think the reason why is because of who I am friends with. I have had some horrible experiences, but with my best friends we made a comfortable space where we can express frustrations, dreams, and encouragement.
Comment by Rosy — September 7, 2011 @ 8:15 pm
I loved this article. I’ll admit that the quote “I’m not friends with girls. All girls are bitches. I’m just friends with guys” sounds exactly like something that would come out of my mouth. All of my friendships with girls have for one reason or another ended with cattiness and yes sometimes I was the one being catty, other times it was my so called friends. These past experiences with girls led me to conclude that girls do not make good friends and that guys are the only friends whom won’t spread rumors about you behind your back. Lately, I have come to the conclusion that perhaps I made an error in judgment and there is still the possibility of having strong friendships with girls that won’t end in bitterness. The only problem is meeting girls whom are open to the possibility of friendships as well it seems that the older you get the harder it can be to make friends with the same gender. Perhaps, I’m still in the mind set that life is a competition and the girl sitting next to me is my competition. Slowly I am opening myself up and once again allowing the possibility of forming a friendship with fellow girls. I really feel that society and the way I was raised as well as my previous experiences has caused me to feel so competitive with my fellow women but stories like the one above do offer a bit of hope and inspiration that there is a “sisterhood” that still stands strong.
Comment by Stefanny DeLong — September 7, 2011 @ 9:08 pm
I feel that both men and women should not only have a relationship with their own sex but with one of another sex in order to share feelings they feel. For example, lets say a girl gets in a fight with one of her good friends and she wants to talk to someone about it. I feel that she should have the opportunity to even talk to a guy about it although she rather talk to a girl who has or knows someone who had experienced something similar to it.
Comment by Idor E. — September 7, 2011 @ 9:29 pm
I agree with this article a lot, and mostly because I can relate to it so much. In my early years of school I expected to see mean girls, because of what I had seen in television and movies. These thoughts became realities and made me not want to have girl friends. I relate to feeling cool being a part of “the boys club” for sure, for a period of time if we played girls verse boys in a sport, I would go to the boys side, and ironically they were nicer about it than the girls were. Eventually as I got older I met girls who were solid, and I could really be myself with. Through learning about people and what they go through, you see a pattern of why people are the way they are. When I went into my first women studies class I learned a lot more about women’s history and the ways we are affected. I love seeing the beauty of female relationships, the kind you don’t see in the media, like this, where women aren’t expected to crave attention, or drama and are just themselves.
Comment by Georgette Ward — September 7, 2011 @ 9:37 pm
I am guilty of being apart of the “boys club”, not that I didn’t have any female friends, I just grew up with a lot of males in my neighborhood. That made it hard for me to have positive friendships with girls until I got to high school. I was on n dance team with fifty girls , this team was theh best thing that ever happened to me. It helped me learn to deal with different personalities and the girls also helped me learn to embrace my own beauty. We grew to have a stronger bond than ive had with one person. I learned that despite our differences in age, race, and background we all had something in common which was that we were all women trying to make sense of our lives. Although I am guilty of watching shows like “The Bad Girls Club” and “Real Housewives of ________” I find it sad how the media portrays women but in some cases their actions are reality.
Comment by Tramisha Brown — September 7, 2011 @ 9:37 pm
To be totally honest, I really, really, really needed to read this!! I have recently been having a hard time with my friendships, and decided that it was because of my insecurities and because I was convinved that “girls are just too catty.” I do, however, find myself getting along really well with males because I did grow up with three brothers and we are all very close. That being said, however, I truly feel the need to seriously…get over it…and learn to really love my fellow female. I am a firm believer that there is power in numbers and if I want to fight for human rights and the ideals that represent the feminist perspective, how can I do that if I do not first put aside my insecurities about my relationships with women and learn to commune with them?
I am grateful for having the opportunity to read this and comment. Truly can’t explain what i gained from this and how I truly hope it will translate to my life and others…
Comment by Mary Grace Baldo — September 7, 2011 @ 9:57 pm
This post was very pleasing to read,i can relate to being friends with only guys.I’ve had many friends that i thought i could trust and ended up being un trust worthy then i started thinking that every girl was like that so after that i only started associating myself with boys and not having any trust in girls.I can honestly say and be happy that i can sleep better at night without having any drama i can associate girls with being dramatic and i really don’t like that plus i don’t like people who are mean and sometimes girls can be really mean but with that being said i am on my way to learn how to be a little more open minded and not to think bad about other girls.
Comment by Priscilla Morales — September 7, 2011 @ 10:01 pm
I agree with everything you said about the way that the media portrays females and i think that this is wrong. Because females are portrayed as mean and jealous, i believe that the youth of todays society is learning from the media and we are creating a future society of girls that will be against each other as opposed to uniting. I never had many close female friends through grade school or high school because i felt the same way you did. I always felt females were bitchy and caused a lot of drama, therefore i was always hanging out with my guy friends. I did have one close female friend that i considered to be my adopted sister. I enrolled in this Women’s Studies class and even though it is only the second week, i feel like my views have changed a bit. Your article showed me that there are nice females as well and all females are not all like the brats that everyone had to deal with growing up. Your experience sounds one of a kind!
Comment by Erin Kaitel — September 7, 2011 @ 10:02 pm
Like many of the others, I also truly believe that the media portrays girls as “competitive, back-stabbing, smack-talking mean girls.” This is shown in magazines, reality shows, gossip blogs, etc. Although at times it may be true, this absolutely does not properly define all women. Personally, I have come face to face with way too many of these “girls”!! However, I have also always had those friends who are always there for me when I need them.
Also, although I believe that friendships between men and women have a higher chance of being functional in the sense that it wouldn’t end with some stupid fight about something she heard or he said, I absolutely still believe that the friendship between two girls is more precious and meaningful due to the intense similarities there are between them.
Comment by Donna Kahen — September 8, 2011 @ 1:00 am
I remember posting a comment on this article a few semesters ago for Women Studies 20. As I reflect on my answers then on pop culture and media, I realized that not much has changed from the messages conveyed today. Jersey Shore is still airing and old shows like The Bachelorette and The Bachelor Pad are being recycled each season. The commonality that these TV shows share is the degradation of women. Women are either depicted as gold-digging sluts and bitches or women who suffer from the princess syndrome. Media and pop culture have become toxic towards young women who turn on the TV every day, yet the corporations behind these airwaves fail to censor or reconsider whether these shows are appropriate at all. Entertainment is wonderful no doubt, but when a trail of TV shows with the same messages and questionable behavior is emanated by the characters, I think it’s no question that cat fights, sex, and alcohol is a serious problem that must be dealt with.
Hence, the explanation behind the exception of these shows being aired is due to corporations that are structured around patriarchy. It’s evident that people are not aware of this inherent system because it has been suppressed and hidden from us (men and women).
Comment by Joanne S — September 8, 2011 @ 1:38 am
@ Joanne: I do agree that media affect young women and causes many behavior issues. And I’d like your point of view about corporations’ role in our society.
I could highly relate to this article because it pictures many of woman’s mentality, include myself. It shows how our society and media affect peoples’ view and brain wash our young women.
Comment by Negar Azadbadi — September 11, 2011 @ 9:58 pm
If you’ve never had a sister or a close relationship with your mother, you may lack some knowledge of womenhood. After reading this blog it makes me want to take a womans retreat, or even do some really deep soul searching,and trully learn what it means to be a woman, or even build more female friendships. My favorite quote from this blog is a real eye opener…” I needed more to heal the psychic wounds that taught me to criticize women…” This is exactly what I need, more time and education to trully understand women.
Comment by Angela Wheatfall — September 12, 2011 @ 9:25 pm
After reading “Sisterhood is Still Powerful” article I quickly realized how I have caught myself acting in a bitchy way towards other woman who had also back stabbed me or done something that made my trust falter in our relationship. In fact I recently spoke to my friend exactly over this matter about how women could have the heart to do such a thing to one another when in reality aren’t we all human beings? Living and breathing upon this very Earth? What in gods name makes us act so cruelly towards one another? Aren’t we supposed to be more empathetic, and able to understand others feelings? Yet we back-stab, talk smack, and brush off the fact that we’ve hurt one another.
Even today it makes no sense to me. In fact its unfortunate. Instead of being united or learning new things about one another we just hate on one another. I still hope to begin my journey in finding women who I can connect with on a different level, such as a sister more of spiritual connection. I agree that sisterhood is still powerful, but only if woman let it become a part of their lives. I believe the media in many ways is to blame for this unsanitary way we women act towards one another. Its as if we have been taught by the media that this is how woman are, they are not supposed to be your friends, but they are supposed to act like complete bitches, or “frenemies”. To be honest why has the word “frenemies” been created, so we women can use it against each other? I’m not exactly saying men may not act in this way, but it rarely happens, and you rarely catch men using the term “frenemy”. My point being, that men are not depicted this way in the media, so therefore they don’t act in such ways. I found that interesting and am happy that the article “Sisterhood is Still Powerful” circulates around the web and within women’s studies classes to help all women (including myself) face reality as ugly as it may be and change it into something beautiful.
Comment by Chantal Rashtian — September 12, 2011 @ 10:41 pm
I agree with you on many points that you make in your blog. For instance, I too believe that women are portrayed as jealous, and unreliable people with no feelings for anybody else. The stereotypes for women in the media range anywhere from gold diggers, whom only care about a mans wealth, to a beauty queen, whom only cares about her appearance, completely neglecting the feelings of those around her. I did some research on Riane Eisler, ( the women you mentioned in your blog), and learned that she is a social activist, whom has published many books. I found it very comical when you mentioned that many women do not get along with other women. I feel that a man and woman have a better chance of a successful relationship, as opposed to a woman with another woman. All in all, I found your blog very interesting and look forward to reading many more of them.
- Ryan Mehdian , Women Studies 10 ( Scholars)
Comment by Ryan Mehdian — September 12, 2011 @ 10:54 pm
I have to agree with this article… Not only does the media I feel, tend to target women, but at the same time degrades their whole social aspects. Also from experience, I’ve seen girls who seek that attention and actually love that “drama”or even befriend each other with negative intentions. Its really sad how media can portray and influence some women.
Comment by JohnT — September 13, 2011 @ 9:34 am
From a mans perspective, I find it intriguing that women, too, suffer from internalized oppression. You would never think a woman could believe in the same sexist ideals that men do, but the fact of the matter is that the culture in which we are raised and the media we are constantly surrounded by weighs on our ability to properly and accurately judge women today. I also find it interesting how the writer found yoga to be a part of her journey through this struggle. I have never thought of yoga being male dominated in the sense of spiritual lineage, but it allowed her to think and question, and that to me is fascinating.
-Brandon Asherian, Womens Studies 30
Comment by brandona — September 16, 2011 @ 7:57 pm
After reading this article, it kind of opened my eyes to how I act with other women. It’s true how some women perceive each other as bitches right away. I think for a lot of us we call each other bitches without really knowing each other. We’re afraid to take the chance of talking to each other and getting to know one another. We’re afraid of rejection; As you said in the article everyone has the same worries like will we have anything in common or will they like me.
Even though it’s true that many girls don’t get along, we shouldn’t be putting each other down and talking bad about one another just to make ourselves feel like we’re above that person.
A lot of girls feel competition among each other and that also causes tension for no reason. Instead of coming together we’re fighting each other.
I also agree that media has a lot to do with this image. The media sends the message that being a bad girl and bitch is what’s cool.
It’s so unfortunate that young girls are growing up watching these things and reading it in magazines. They (young girls) think being a woman is about being a bad girl and whoever is the biggest bitch is a real woman because they “speak the truth.”
They should be more role models out there who are positive and stand for unity. I feel like unless there’s a change in the media, it won’t be changing anytime soon.
Comment by Michelle A — September 16, 2011 @ 8:40 pm
I’ve never realized before how masculinity is more accepted. All while growing up I’ve noticed how its more accepting when girls take part in what seems to be boys activities, as a matter of fact girls are praised when they do so. On the other hand, when I boys becomes interested in “girl stuff” the boy is shunned and outcasted. It is also no surprised to have females classify each other in derogatory terms. Just take a look at our mainstream entertainment like Jersey Shore, a show which is mostly composed of “catfights” and getting male attention by any means It’s great to hear that finally women are breaking away and actually created environments that are promising rather than chaotic and disturbsome.
Comment by Brianda Bobadilla — December 3, 2011 @ 11:27 pm
I especially enjoyed reading this article since I can relate to it. Many of my girl friends and I used to fit into this mindset where we thought that all females are “competitive, back-stabbing, smack-talking mean girls”. This caused us to drift away from most of our female friends and instead starting to hang out with our guy friends. We were so fed up with the needless drama and gossip that it made hanging out with the guys feel good because they were layed back about everything and there wasn’t any drama. However, after a while we realized that even though these guys are great friends and we are having an easier time with them, we also need our girl friends!! We need people which we can relate to and vent to about our own girl issues, which our guy friends may not be able to understand.
I agree that the media plays a major role is skewing our knowledge on reality and increasing this internal oppression. However, I learned my lesson that there’s no reason to stay away from our OWN gender, especially since we are already considered to be a minority group! Your experience sounds one of a kind, thank you for sharing this with us.
Comment by Rosemary A — January 4, 2012 @ 2:28 pm
I had a long friendship with a woman who always seemed like the jealous type and in her head, she was constantly competing with other women. She would put them down, just to make herself feel better. I always wondered why she was doing that. After dealing with her “drama” for so long; for a period of time, I thought all women were just snobby and “catty.” The media does not show otherwise, because nowadays there are several television shows that show women hating on other women, talking trash about them, playing games to humiliate them, and competing in EVERYTHING they do just to boost their own self esteems. Watching these shows and seeing these flawless celebrities, forces us women to think that, this girl is fat and what she is wearing is ugly or slutty. The media has painted a picture in the brains of many that women are bitches. But how are we, as women allowing society to describe us, as a group in that way? I believe some of us women do not even know the true meaning of sisterhood, and to me it’s just sad.
Comment by Mary H. — January 4, 2012 @ 6:21 pm
I think that it is important to develop friendships with other not only the same sex but the opposite as well. It makes life more interesting and people are more educated in what equality means. Women and men learn from others, and women to women share a bond that shouldn’t be taken for granted by the mean girls out there.
Comment by Alexandria Scott — January 5, 2012 @ 12:10 am
I have yet to experience an authentic friendship with another woman outside of my sisters (biological). I feel very close to them because I know they do not judge me, they do not compete with me and there are very seldom feelings of jealously amongst us. But most importantly, I completely trust them and they trust me. I have on occasion had friendships with women which showed promise of what I share with my sisters, but I am my own worst enemy and my inability to trust has quickly ended any prospect of a long lasting friendship. I am definitely more inclined to trust men. I trust my husband. That’s not to say that I don’t have occasional feelings of distrust but thankfully I am to work through that. But I have not been able to do this with women, or, I am beginning to realize, I am simply not willing to do so with women. I want to change because I know something substantial is missing from my life — I want to be “nourished” through meaningful friendships with other women. I want to “heal my psychic wounds,” and I believe I am finally in a place where I can commit myself to doing so. I am learning more and more every day and with this new knowledge I am feeling more confident and more importantly I am realizing that I have something to offer. So perhaps that’s it … I haven’t felt I had anything to offer until now? Interesting, I’ll have to think more on that.
Comment by Willemina V. — January 5, 2012 @ 2:52 pm
I can personally relate to the cruelty, which exists among high school girls, and have witnessed the vicious acts of the “mean girls”, however I have also been part of a group of girls who I have learned from and loved. My group of friends has given me both emotional and physical support, which I greatly cherish. I understand Professor Klein’s fear of joining the group and facing judgments, however this is part of everyday society. I am somewhat jealous of Professor Klein’s experiences at Joshua tree and hope to one day participates in a similar experience.
Comment by Sandy A — January 5, 2012 @ 7:22 pm
I’ve had bad experiences with girlfriends in the past. Women that I have loved and cared deeply for have turned their backs on me in a time of need. I have recently opened my heart up to the idea of letting myself trust and build relationships with other women. This article gives me hope that i too can be worthy of having great relationships with other women.
Comment by Mirian M — January 6, 2012 @ 11:42 am
I personally too have had some bad experiences with girls in high school. And I can say I definitely had more guy friends then girls. I had my select few that I believed I would stay good friends with. Unfortunately those too fell apart due to backstabbing and dishonestly. At times I just wish I had that close girl friend who I can not matter what rely on, and know she’s always going to be there. I know I’m not the only one with this issue but it’s so hard to know that there are girls out there that may actually be your true best friends. I am happy to hear you say that your four days with these women was a good experience. Leaves me with some hope that one day I may have an experience like that. Leaving out the mean girls and cat fights.
Comment by Sarah R. — January 6, 2012 @ 8:17 pm
Similar to everybody else, I had many years in which I proudly proclaimed to only be friends with boys and put down friendships with girls. Growing up I’d had many experiences dealing with catty classmates or teammates in gymnastics who spent much of their time gossiping, creating “exclusive clubs” with each other, and enforcing their own hierarchy among the girls on the playground. I always felt like I received the brunt of everything. At the time it just seemed easier to separate myself from the group entirely and identify in the simplicity of my friendships with the guys.
As I’ve gotten older, though, I’ve realized that while that’s a common choice for girls in my place to make, it’s not the most productive. I think in a lot of ways by segregating myself and not addressing the issues I simply allowed the pattern to continue. I’m not saying that I could have changed the entire female/female dynamic on my own but I, in fact, aided it. I made it outwardly known that I preferred friendships with men and perpetuated the notion that women are less than, are weaker, and aren’t worth the effort.
It’s nice to events like this taking place where women can be removed from their natural environment and undue influence and find themselves forming strong relationships with others based upon true connection and nothing else.
Comment by Antonia C. — January 8, 2012 @ 7:51 pm
After I had read this article I have to be honest and say some of the things written brought up some terrible memories of middle school that I would like to forget about. It too has left a foul taste in my mouth till this day. 8th grade in particular I remember wanting to fit in and be one/friends with the popular girls..I stopped trying and just was just myself and made new girl friends…or so I thought. It wasnt until too much longer that these girls started to turn their backs on me and ridicule me and tease me. I was a little over weight at thriteen and of course weight it such an easy low blow. I remember not wanting to go to school and endure that. But then one day a girl stuck up for me and made the rest of that year bearable. She totally brought back my trust in girls my age. Once I reached high school I didnt have any expectations and made great girl friends. Some I stayed friends with, some I didnt. But now till this day I try very hard to not judge or look a girl up and down based on anything until I get to know her.
Comment by Loreal Haber — January 11, 2012 @ 6:36 pm
After I had read this article I have to be honest and say some of the things written brought up some terrible memories of middle school that I would like to forget about. It too has left a foul taste in my mouth till this day. 8th grade in particular I remember wanting to fit in and be one/friends with the popular girls..I stopped trying and just was just myself and made new girl friends…or so I thought. It wasn’t until too much longer that these girls started to turn their backs on me and ridicule me and tease me. I was a little over weight at thirteen and of course weight it such an easy low blow. I remember not wanting to go to school and endure that. But then one day a girl stuck up for me and made the rest of that year bearable. She totally brought back my trust in girls my age. Once I reached high school I didn’t have any expectations and made great girl friends. Some I stayed friends with, some I didn’t. But now till this day I try very hard to not judge or look a girl up and down based on anything until I get to know them.
It’s nice to see in this article women getting together and rejoicing in the sisterhood.
Comment by Loreal Haber — January 11, 2012 @ 6:38 pm
I agree with this article because I am women and I know that most women have jealous, competitive, back-stabbing, smack-talking as mean girls. When I was in junior high school, I knew that these ideas and I had an experience even now. Many girls are jealous about friendship, beauty, luxurious thing and man but they pretended they are not. They are having fake relationship. So when I had this experience, I felt very bad about female and I don’t want like this kind of relationship. Someday, I just am having relationship with male. It is not a “lover” just friend as women. It means I don’t like women, I just more comfortable with different gender. Even now, my best friends are all male. I really enjoyed this article and I learned new ideas between man and women’s relationship.
Eun Hee Chung – Women’s studies 10
Comment by Eun Hee Chung — January 17, 2012 @ 9:50 pm
I too have a limited number of female friends. I usually feel excluded because I don’t share the common “feminine” interests in fashion, shopping and makeup. I appreciate this great story about the bonding of women. However, this bonding was made possible by the setting which was artificial in two ways – the lack of men and the self-selected gathering of women with similar interests in yoga and nature. I wonder what the situation would have been like if there had been a man or a shopping mall present. Would you all have bonded and reaffirmed the feminine? Or would all of the jealousy and cattiness come out as you each vied for male attention? Would you have bonded to the same depth if your time had been spent contemplating the lipstick at the cosmetic counter of the shopping mall instead of in the desert contemplating nature. Sisterhood is important but I think the biggest test is if we can cultivate it in a “mixed” group in a setting approximating the real world and not just in a single-gender setting isolated from the pressures and distractions of the “real” world.
Comment by SandraR — January 17, 2012 @ 10:01 pm
There is a word that woman’s inhumanity to woman. I agree with this word and this blog. I’m a woman but I’m not that like to get women together. It’s because I know women’s common habits. They never show their emotion to others and they praise others to their face. Women have strong jealousy and envy and they also have great eagerness for beauty. These would be stupid stunts or would be must-have desires for women. These stereotypes have been made by mass media. The power of media is the greatest than people expected. Many things that are portrayed by mass media quickly get through people’s mind. It becomes a stereotype made by society. Therefore, women’s images on TV or internet are portrayed as limited images such as sisterhood is pretense. I’ve learned and felt many things again about woman through your blog.
- Youjung An, Women’s Studies 10
Comment by Youjung An — January 17, 2012 @ 10:20 pm
I think that it is important to develop friendships with other not only the same sex but the opposite as well. It makes life more interesting and people are more educated in what equality means. Women and men learn from others, and women to women share a bond that shouldn’t be taken for granted by the mean girls out there.
Comment by Alexandria S — January 18, 2012 @ 12:05 am
After learning about patriarchy in my women studies class, I have learned the importance of why women should not be afraid of each other. By beginning to organize themselves to achieve a common goal such as equal women rights, women could be able to achieve great things. Misogyny, the hatred towards women should not be practice by women themselves. I have always been able to get along with girls and have been able to form great lasting friendships that have helped me benefit in many positive ways. I have been guilty of looking at other girls and deciding that I do not like them even though I don’t even know them, and I strongly believe this is due to the way the media portrays female friendships such as “mean girls,” and frienemies. The sisterhood is definitely still alive.
Comment by ValerieSSS — January 19, 2012 @ 10:08 am
I do agree that the media gives a negative out look on women and their friendships. not everything you see in the media is always true. i have been in friendships where i was backstabbed by both females and males but you just have to believe that everything happens for a reason. not everyone is sneaky and backstabbing like that. a true friendship is when it will remain there till the very end no matter what.
Comment by Jonteen R — January 19, 2012 @ 2:04 pm
“Sisterhood is (Still) Powerful” was so touching to me. I realized that I also tend to hold a type of “grudge” towards women. It is so automatic when you meet another woman that you have feelings race through you like, “Does she think she’s better than me?” “Am I prettier than her?” “What does she have that I don’t have?” and so forth. Never when I meet a man do these types of sucpicious and jealous thoughts go through my head. Why is that? After reading this post it opened my eyes that I am not the only one who is uneasy when first meeting other women. It is like we have been trained in competition mode. I have had a few bad experiences with other women, but they could be counted on one hand only, but somehow I still feel as if every woman is out to steal my man, my career, my life. When I come to think about it more, it is so sad that myself and other women feel this way! In reality I would never do anything to another woman to sabotage her life, so what makes me think all other women have that intention? Our culture has taught us to be weary of other women, but really women are the only other people that can share our gender oppression. Men are really the dominant and powerful people in today’s culture. This post was honestly reassuring to me that not all women are out to get me and that I just need to be more welcoming and judgment free. I do have a handful of close girlfriends but I’m sure if I start to open my heart more to other women that that list could grow and it would be nothing but beneficial to me because all women needs a fellow sister to just talk and relate to. I think it’s time to set up a weekend for the girls! We may not go on a woman’s retreat to the desert but I think some bonding time could be just as rewarding. – D.O.
Comment by Destiny O — February 3, 2012 @ 6:39 am
I completely agree with the media making women seem more mean and deceitful. The media can make anything into a drama story just to get the attention of drama seekers. Although I have had my experiences with many women and the backstabbing, I must say, I have to come to a point in life where everyone deserves a second chance. Most of my friends were male also, but one of my oldest best friends is a female. I have come to learn that when women come together in a meeting or as a group, it is very powerful and spiritual and should be done so weekly or monthly, if possible. In doing that, you not only get to share about yourself and what you’ve experienced, but also listen and focus your attention on someone else’s experiences that might be similar to yours, quite different, or the exact thing you needed to hear.
Comment by Salina G — February 4, 2012 @ 10:02 pm
I agree that the media brainwashes many into seeing the negative relationships women have with one another. I believe sister hood is powerful to me because at every point in life women needs encourage and spiritual growth so that they can support each other’s. Yes a point in my life I had friends that are backstabbers but I totally believe to forgive. It can be very hurtful when you lose a friendship. I honestly think that isn’t right. If they’re true friends they should support you and they shouldn’t be mean. In society there is a lot of Friendship that I’ve seen for my own eyes that are physically strong. I have many friends but not all of them are true friend, therefore a true friend is someone you can count on to laugh with you, cry with you and be there for you through good times and bad.
Comment by Tiffany M — February 5, 2012 @ 5:16 pm
True sisterhood at it’s finest
Comment by Lindsey — February 5, 2012 @ 6:47 pm
This article was rather eye opening for me. While I have thought of myself as a feminist, I thought it was because I was more part of the boys club. I was an athlete, out sold an all male sales floor, usually hung out with the boys rather than other women. I have taken gender women’s studies classes and doing this comment for an assignment for another course on gender and sex, but it was not until I read this that I realized that I have not been a feminist. I have adopted the patriarchal social gender roles so deeply that I did not realize that I was hating my own gender. I was more proud to be like the boys than the girls, often saying that “I am not your typical woman.” I am going to take the opportunity to read some material from the authors Rianne Eisler and Marija Gimbutas.
Over the past few months, I have been thinking how I needed a girl friend (not in a sexual way, but a true friend). I hope that I can also start on a journey to release some of the patriarchy hold on my “mind, body, soul, and female relationships.”
Comment by J. Prock — February 5, 2012 @ 10:14 pm
As I was reading this article, I remembered the times I judged another girl without knowing her. Girls have to be girls. We always tend to sometimes feel jealousy towards other girls, we tend to think in our minds “oh she is this, she is that, oh look at how ugly she looks with this, she looks like a bitch, ratchet, a whore” and what not, but why? Because of that same jealousy we sometimes feel towards other females that we do not know, which in my opinion is a normal behavior that many women have at the beginning when they are introduced to a female that they do not know, but this changes. As women get more familiarised with other females, their perspectives change, as mentioned in the article, they tend to think differently which is great because as mentioned above it brings sisterhood. Sisterhood to me is a great thing to have because as women we get the opportunity to communicate with people from your same sex, you have more connection and you feel much more confident. Sisterhood is just amazing!
Comment by Yesenia O — February 6, 2012 @ 12:01 am
I am jealous that you had such a memorable communion with an amazing group of women, fellow feminists. I am (have been) constantly yearning for some sort of sisterhood that I wasn’t able to find in my in-group. And I am slowly cultivating my own sisterhood outside of the so-called in-group with friends, mentors, and big-sister figures. I cannot wait until I muster all my female friends at one place and be able to commune at a spiritual level and heal each other’s wounds by sharing our own stories just the way you did. Though I grew up like a tomboy, I always had more female friends and I still do have more female friends than male friends. But the funny thing is those few childhood friends I am still in contact with right now are mostly male. So I am thinking to myself, did I unconsciously prefer and value being part of the “boys club.”? And my friends now and then are considered to have exhibit more “boyish,” and/or “masculine” characteristics and personalities than “girlish” and/or “feminine” attitudes.(Of all, I am the most “masculine” one.)
Comment by Jin Min — February 6, 2012 @ 11:19 pm